Disappointment

It was another one of “those times” – when I wasn’t interested in a plan B – but instead found my disappointment pouring out like a raging river of sobs. Failing to orgasm during intercourse, I curled into a ball and all” those” reasons started pouring through my head.

If I would just relax more….

If I wasn’t so controlling….

If I wasn’t so focused on orgasm….

If I could just surrender….

As if deep down, I believed Freud’s theory that the only mature orgasm was a vaginal orgasm. Maybe I did have deep psychological hang ups that kept me from experiencing the pleasure of intercourse with my husband.

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Sexual Thoughts

sexual thoughtsI had the honor of hearing Shannon Ethridge speak at a marriage ministry conference in Dallas a couple of weeks ago. Shannon has been a huge advocate for healthy sexuality for years and she is full of spice and life. Her book, The Sexually Confident Wife, changed my life as it clearly communicated how important sex should be to wives and how much fun and enjoyment we should have.

The breakout session that I attended with Shannon was based on her book The Fantasy Fallacy. She started with some very foundational questions.

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GREAT EXPECTATIONS – The Importance of Our Mind During Intercourse

The last 8 weeks we’ve been talking about How to have an orgasm during intercourse, and much of that time we’ve been talking about very physical aspects of sex.

Week 1 – the realities of orgasm during intercourse and ground rules

Week 2 – the importance of kegels for both him and her

Week 3 – the importance of talking about sex and how to do it

Week 4 – how to train our bodies to become more flexible in their responsiveness

Week 5 – the 3 main pathways for women to experience orgasm during intercourse

Week 6 – what our husbands can do to help in this journey

Week 7 – harnessing the power of the mind

Week 8 – the most successful positions and movements to have an orgasm during intercourse

It is important not to get lost in the technique and miss out on connecting with our spouse. If we are so focused on what the next move will be, or worrying about whether something is working, than are we really there? Are we really connecting?

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REMEMBER

I just reached the three year anniversary of teaching Awaken Love classes to wives and it has me feeling more than a little emotional and sentimental. We were sharing today in bible study how important it is to look back and REMEMBER and to see how God has worked. So today, I look back and REMEMBER.

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POSITIONS AND MOVEMENT FOR ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE

If I discovered a magic position that all women would experience an orgasm during intercourse, then I would be a millionaire. I wish it were that simple. No magic position exists, but as we get to know ourselves and each other, we can learn to move in ways that target pleasure spots.

There are really only a handful of different positions but modifying them in small ways can make a huge difference in how they stimulate our bodies. Recognizing which pathway we are trying to stimulate – clitoral, G-spot, or Deep spot – will help us capitalize on the kind of movement that works best. Let’s approach this according to which pathway we are targeting. For the purpose of keying into what feels good, I would suggest that you limit other stimulation for the time being.

Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it is part of a series “How to have  an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her KegelsTalk about What?Flexibility TrainingDifferent Pathways,  The Man Factor, and Mind over Matter

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LIVE THE SONG – UNTIL THE DAY BREAKS

Song of Songs 2:16-17

She

16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
    he browses among the lilies.
17 Until the day breaks
    and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved,
    and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
    on the rugged hills.[g]

My beloved is mine and I am his: he browses among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee….

The most common time that couples have sex is 11:00 at night – probably one of the worst times. It is when our bodies are exhausted, and our brains over stimulated processing what happened throughout the day.

We need to have sex other times of the day, and one of the best is first thing in the morning. If we have been cuddling all night long, our bodies will be warmed up. Hopefully our brains have not sprung back into action thinking about the schedule for the day yet.  Our husbands testosterone levels are at their highest and our bodies are rested.

So this week –

1. Have sex in the morning.

Another Adjustment

seam

Tomorrow I am having a simple surgical procedure to remove scar tissue from my vagina. The scar formed years ago in an area that was stitched up during childbirth. The scar didn’t really bother me until the last few years when menopause caused the thinning of tissue in my vagina. The ridge of scar tissue gradually become more raised and irritated the entire right side of my vulva. At times I experienced a dull ache and other times it was a sharp pain like an exposed nerve. My doctor explained that because the tissue and nerves are so intertwined in that area of our body, a small area of irritation can make the nerves and tissue of the whole area fire up.

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How to Help Your Wife Orgasm During Intercourse

tango-dance-2

It takes two to tango – and it takes two to work towards having an orgasm during intercourse. My husband was a huge part of my learning to have an orgasm during intercourse. He gave me permission and encouraged me to take control of the movement so that I could figure out what felt good. His increased control of ejaculation allowed me plenty of time to experiment. He learned my orgasm triggers so that he could use them at just the right time. Most importantly, he made sure that I was never left hanging after intercourse so that every experience was positive. A sensitive, caring husband can make intercourse enjoyable whether their wife orgasms or not.

Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it  is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her Kegels ,Talk about What?,Flexibility Training,and Different Pathways

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New Series – Age Adjustments

Mature-Couple-With-DenturesI am starting a new series on Wednesdays called Age Adjustment to address some of the adjustments that we make as we age, both men and women. You might naturally assume that I will be writing about all the challenges that we go through as we age. But really it is not all bad, there is a lot of good stuff too.

To be perfectly honest, I just turned 50 and am an empty-nester for the first time, so I feel like I am just entering this phase of my life. Hopefully we can get some dialogue going between some of you experts.

Some of the topics I hope to address are…

The Change –

Foreplay for Him –

Dry as a bone

Kid free zone

Flatline

How much does it cost?

Sex everyday

 

I’m sure that there are a lot more topics, so let me know what you want to hear about?

 

 

 

DIFFERENT PATHWAYS

One of my favorite secular sex books is “Orgasms: how to have them, give them and keep them coming”by Lou Paget. I love her books because she does not try to define what women experience by scientifically studying them. Instead, she writes what thousands of women have shared about their sexual experiences.  In her book she states woman have experienced at least 10 different pathways to orgasm. Pretty remarkable if you ask me.

Please don’t think that I am pressuring women to once again perform. I simply want to encourage women to enjoy their experiences while remaining open to new possibilities. God gave us amazing bodies with unlimited potential for enjoyment.

It is important to understand the 3 main pathways of stimulation that women take to experience an orgasm during intercourse – clitoral, G-spot and deep spot. Understanding these pathways will help you recognize positions that may provide the kind of stimulation leading to orgasm during intercourse. Recognizing how the different orgasms feel as they approach will help you cue into the pleasure and go after it.  What I write is based on my own experiences, the experiences of women that have shared during class, and lots of reading.

Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it  is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her Kegels ,Talk about What? and Flexibility Training

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