Manual Stimulation can be one of the most intense ways for your wife to experience orgasm, but it does not necessarily come easily or intuitively. Keep reading for some tips to make manual stimulation something to remember.
Rubbing Vs Feeling
One of the MOST important concepts we teach in the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition is the difference between “rubbing” and “feeling”. In order to illustrate the point, we have the men put a little coconut oil on their wrist. We then ask them to spend a little time “rubbing” their wrist. Being the task oriented men they are, they get right at it, rubbing their wrist with focused vigor.
After a few minutes, we stop them, take a deep breath and then ask them to “feel” their wrist. Their movement instantly changes to a slow, sensuous, thoughtful feeling of their wrist. We see them thinking about what they experience. Their mind intently mapping the terrain and responses. Next we spend time exploring ways to “feel” not just the surface of the skin, but the area under the skin. By keeping their fingers attached to the skin to eliminate friction, they can better feel tendons and veins. We finish by spending time simply holding still. Sometimes you can pick up a pulse or feel tension better by simply holding still.
As we process the difference between “rubbing and feeling”, a giant light bulb goes on for the men.
Knowing Each Other
When our husband pleasures us with their hands, the last thing we want is for them to “rub” us. We want them to “feel” us, because God created sex to get to know each other. We want our husband to pay attention to our body and know how we respond. Our husband can learn to sense when we relax or if we tense and to adjust to find pleasure paths. We want our husband to know us so well that they can even tease us. Our husband should have a map in his mind of what our body feels like and continually search for new discoveries. We want our husband to know us by feeling us. If you take nothing else away from this article, I would encourage you to think about feeling your wife the next time you pleasure her with your hands.
Tips for Manual Stimulation
- Focus on feeling not rubbing – slow down, try to feel her and begin to map her terrain
- Use lubrication – everything should feel silky smooth. Coconut oil is a great option.
- Use connected movement – finger pads should never lose connection to her skin, use the flats of your finger pads
- Get to know her visually – learn your wife’s terrain. Watch how her vulva change through out arousal. Learn the different areas of her vulva. There is so much more than just the magic button
- Demonstration – ask your wife for a demonstration and really study what she does. You will be amazed at how much you learn
- Positions – create variety by using different positions like Woven Together, Wrapped Up or Up Close and Personal
- One, two, three fingers or more – very different sensations are created depending on how many fingers are used
- The Tease – make her body beg for it before you go for the gold. If she feels stuck, then circle back and take a running start.
- Rhythms – create expectation by setting up patterns
- Create Direction – there should be a general ramp up of stimulation, pressure and pace so that your wife knows that you are taking her somewhere
- Triggers – save nipples or other triggers as your “push to pass”
- Take her somewhere – Lead with confidence as you “know” your wife more and more and take her where you want her to go.
Enjoy taking your wife for a ride as she shows you one of the most intimate things she will ever share.
Originally published as Rubbing vs Feeling – Manual Stimulation on Nov 3, 2014
The Author
One of her favorite ways to have her clitoris stimulated is with my frenulum. This is more pleasurable for her than well lubed fingers but it does take a special position. That of me standing by the edge of the bed with her legs up and spread as wide as comfy, with me holding them while sliding my frenulum right over the bare clit. She can get very turned on fairly quickly and you are perfectly positioned to do some deep thrusting which she really enjoys. Because after a feeling/rubbing orgasm her clitoris is ultra sensitive and the only way to continue is by deep thrusting which usually brings her to he very happy place again. Your 12 tips are all so helpful and I wish I would have that instruction 39 years ago when we were first married. Excellent useful info for pleasuring the wife.
And i should have said “really getting to know her and what she really enjoys and is susceptible to?” My joy is her joy and bringing her pleasure is the ultimate pleasure for me. This means i have to really know her and Ruth you are helping men a lot to really get to know their wives and they are all different. Wonderful useful info and reminders. Thank you.
For women that don’t experience orgasm during intercourse, using the head of the penis to stimulate the clitoris can be especially helpful. It can help them to associate pleasure with your penis. Great expectations and a positive mindset can make a huge difference.
One more item on feeling and really transferring pleasure. I suspect your own fluids are better than you think for lube because at our age we and especially her, has very little of her own lubrication (since menopause we are working on the hormone balance). So I was stimulating and enjoying her while we were listening to a health lecture in bed and I really enjoyed her clitoris using our blend of fractenated coconut oil and jasmine/sanbac essential oil (a few drops) (and while that an other lubes do make it slippery and fun it was not till i took some of my lube (which was running heavy by then) and applied it, still using my finger but it was more silky and perfect)that that she had one of the best orgasms ever. Remember that human lube is full of prostaglandins that do wonders in feeding energy back and fourth as male and female energy is exchanged. The other thing that is important is to take your time and savor the wonder and just enjoy the journey. Keep on encouraging us with super writing skills and heart for marriage.
Recently I tried to touch my wife down there but she didn’t let me because she said the vagina was a very dirty place. How do I get her to realize I’m actually turned on by her pink vulva? I’d love it if she let me play with her lips (down there) but she has a hang up about it. Not sure how to get her to embrace her private parts so we can enjoy a better sex life.
Your wife has been impacted by so many messages telling her that her genitals are dirty and should not be touched. Keep loving her and gently speaking your truth to her.
Thanks so much Ruth! Your words of encouragement and your blog have been a real blessing to me.