Having an orgasm is like jumping off of a cliff – sometimes you need to step back, take a deep breath, and take a running start at it.

Most summers, over the 4th of July, you will find my family relaxing at our church camp, Covenant Pines. One of my favorite activities is the huge rope swing. You jump off a platform and swing over the water to  drop into refreshment.

rope swing

I love the feel of swinging through the air and then letting go to plunge in, but jumping off the platform is hard. I am afraid of heights and if I think about it too much, I could easily turn around. Sometimes people get stuck right at the edge, clutching the rope and thinking about all the things that could go wrong. They try to will themselves to go, but their bodies won’t move. At this point, it is time for a different strategy.

Sometimes you need to take a few steps back from the edge, relax from holding onto the rope so tight, take a deep breath, and then take a running start at it.

One, Two , Three – Go!!!

With the conviction of “I am going to do this”, and feet running forward, their body launches into one of the funnest experiences of the summer.

Sometimes, when we get stuck at the edge of an orgasm, we need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and take a running start at it.

Have you ever had those times when you were right on the edge, and the more you wanted it, the harder you tried, and the harder it was.  Eventually you might get there, but instead of pure pleasure, it would be more about a sense of relief after straining so hard.

Take a step back

Many of us have believed the lie that sexual arousal must increase in a straight line from point A to point B. When we get stuck we shut ourselves down figuring that our bodies just won’t cooperate tonight. Know that you can enjoy a detour and expect that your body can follow where your husband leads you. Men, take a step back by reducing the amount, focus and intensity of stimulation. Change the stimulation back to a warming up and circling around, visit another area with light touches,or reconnect emotionally with words, eyes or kissing. Women, don’t shut yourself down, but anticipate that your hot spots will be revisited and it will feel even better.

Take a deep breath and relax

When our body locks up, deep breathing can help us to relax. Try to feel the pleasure of breathing all the way through your body, not just through your mouth. Open up every last pore and sensory nerve. Slow your mind down and even sync your breathing with the stimulation of  your body. Allow your breathing to follow or even lead what you are feeling.

Take a running start at it

Men, there is an art to leading and not getting too far ahead. You have to feel well enough that you never break contact and leave your wife behind. You have to anticipate where they want to go and read the desires of their body. You have to know when they are open to following you to even a surprise location. Wives want you to lead, but we need to know you have not lost contact with us and are just going on your merry way. Literally feel her body and take her somewhere.

Women, if you do not allow your body to express and respond to what feels good, you husband will be searching for a pin in the dark. If you want your husband to lead, then let him read your body, and allow yourself to follow.  You have to stop thinking,  and decide. Trust your husband, trust your body, and go for it.

So when you get stuck, don’t be afraid to take a step back, breath deeply and then take a running start at it.

Comments 4

  1. This! THANK YOU for taking the time to write about this specific topic.

    I find myself stuck more often than not, which is incredibly disheartening. We will be in progress, and my frustration (that it’s not Point A to Point B), my discouragement (when things take almost an hour), and my incompetence(?) (of not even knowing what I want or need to keep enjoying) bring me to a point of hopeless. That’s when we usually give up, honestly. Usually he’s climaxed and I know he will fall asleep soon, and I end up resolving that I am simply done trying. But when we stop, there is all kinds of physical and emotional tension in me that literally takes hours to diffuse, often through tossing and turning and tears while he falls peacefully asleep (*Sigh*). So so often, that final moment is deciding which is worse—trying and “failing” or just sticking with me pursing his pleasure and me sitting on the proverbial bench so that at least things are over quicker and I’m not miserable.

    I’ll give these idea a try, of going back to square one physically and mentally, and trying again. Hopefully it’ll help!

    I’ll do more investigating, but do you have other posts on this topic of being “stuck”? I have found very very little in the Christian community about dealing with this very unwelcome (stage) of intimacy.


    • mm

      I don’t think I’ve written another article specifically on this, but I totally empathize and understand everything you share. So I would add a couple of things to think about…
      1. You don’t usually need to go all they way back to square one, or if you do, expect to progress much faster. Sometimes the same methodical, slow pace can bore us to death.
      2. Once we take a step back to relax and take a deep breath, then dare to really ramp things up. Use your words, feel sexy, go for it.
      3. Your husbands self confidence and ability to adjust will help you tremendously.Communicate the importance of this to him. When they give up or seem bored, we give up. Not that it is all on them, but their attitude certainly can help us.
      Good like, and don’t be afraid to circle back and then go for it.

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