Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.
But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.
Ask for What You Need
If cleanliness, smells, or germs are a factor, then ask him to shower first. Make it clear that you want to relax and enjoy giving, but him showering is necessary. If you get tired of fishing hair out of your mouth, then buy him a hair clipper and show him how nice a little grooming can look. If his fluids taste strong, suggest changes to his diet. Coffee, red meat, and strong vegetables like broccoli can impact his taste. Feed him fresh fruits like strawberries, pineapple or kiwis for a sweeter taste.
Go After Healing
Many women don’t want to give oral sex to their husband because of past experiences or choices they have made. Maybe they were forced to give oral sex when they didn’t really want to. Or maybe oral sex became a way to keep a boyfriend or stay popular.
The first step to healing is recognizing what impacted you and talking to someone about it. Pray over those experiences, ask for healing, or forgiveness and for freedom. Believe that within marriage, God wants you to experience all of His gifts, regardless of your past. See a counselor if you need to. There is no sexual past that God cannot heal, but you have to go after healing.
Take the Reins
Your husband needs to understand that when you give oral sex, in order to feel safe, you need to feel in control. You get to choose how deep you go, how long you do something, or whether you swallow. He gets to lay back, relax and thankfully receive what you have to offer.
Use Coconut Oil
A little coconut oil makes everything move just a little smoother. Warm him up by sensuously rubbing oil around his thighs, testicles and penis. Take your time and watch how his penis respond to lighter open touches, playful touches, or full luxurious strokes. Play with his testicles for a bit. Transition from hand, to mouth, to hand with mouth or whatever you want. Get closer and run your cheek up his shaft, or brush your lips on his head.
Open Up Your Definition
Somewhere we got the idea that oral sex has to look like deep throating. But only you can decide what loving your husband with your mouth looks like. You might enjoy just kissing, breathing hot air, or gentle licks of his penis. As you get more comfortable try a wide flat tongue stroking up his shaft, or licking him like an ice-cream cone. Try holding his shaft with your hand and just put the head of his penis in your mouth. Using your tongue or cheeks, you can explore him and create amazing sensation. As you relax, you might want more of him, or you might not. You get to decide when and what. Once you feel more comfortable you can read more ideas.
Create Baby Steps of Positive Experiences
Don’t force yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you gag every time you take him in, then stop. Find something that you love doing, and do it. Then when you get comfortable with that, just take a small step and try something new. Build on positive experiences and create an expectation of enjoyment, not dread.
Your husband cares as much about your enjoyment as his. When you love what you are doing, and show your enjoyment, he will love it. When you get turned on by giving to him, then you will turn him on.
Discuss Options for Finishing
Letting your husband finish in your mouth makes them feel like you love every part of them. But let’s be honest, most women don’t start at that point.
You need to gently be honest about his options for finishing. Some couples have a signal when he is close, so the wife can finish him with her hands. Other couples just use oral sex as foreplay. Some women are ok with him finishing in her mouth but afterward she gently spits his cum into a rag. You need to talk about what works for you and come up with a plan so that you enjoy the experience without worrying about the finish. Oral sex can be wonderful, regardless of whether he finishes in your mouth or not.
Final Thoughts
Sometimes oral sex is an acquired taste that takes time, gentleness and patience. Forcing someone to eat their peas never made them like peas. In fact, it probably made them hate peas and resent their parents. Our husband wants us to love what we do during sex, so take off the pressure, start talking, and challenge yourself to take baby steps of growth. Happy exploring.
The Author
Thank you Ruth for this wonderful article.
For me it has defiantly been a journey of small steps. It took my husband some coaxing to get me to even discuss oral sex. I finally did do some research on my own and found good information in various marriage blogs. Having that first discussion out side of our bed room about oral sex was very good for both of us. I found out what he was expecting from os.. Trying to get all of him in my mouth was not even brought up (so glad). Just doing kisses and licks was a great way to start. I am still working on doing more though. Just one step at a time. It has been a great way for me to take a more active role in our love making to. I do enjoy it.
I am also working on getting more comfortable about receiving os.
Does anyone else have that issue?
Thanks for sharing your experience to encourage others.
I think many women struggle to enjoy receiving Oral Sex. If nothing else, we have a hard time just shutting down our brain so that we can just receive.
This is the most warm, positive article on oral sex I’ve read. You even make it sound enjoyable. Good job!
And I’ll be bookmarking this page. I’ve been looking for some help getting past the routine only and getting some feeling into the act without making myself sick. I think you’ve got it right here! Thank you for sharing your perspective with us.
Glad it was helpful.
Dear Ruth
Very nice piece. Hopefully reassuring and encouraging counsel. I am a man (and a husband) so if I may here are a few comments from that perspective.
I can’t help thinking that the attraction of “Deep Throat”-style oral sex is mostly in the visuals, and especially mostly from pornography. The most sensitive parts of the penis are around the tip, and the most “dextrous” (I can’t think of a better word) parts of a mouth are the lips and the tongue’s tip and blade. IME interaction of those parts makes for exciting sensations, and not so much the woman (a) stuffing as much in as she can or (b) pretending her mouth is something else.
Your point about diet and personal hygiene is good. I wonder if a man might (subconsciously perhaps) notice and change behaviour if he gets more attention Down There after he’s has a shower or eaten his greens.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. In fact I find it a bit of a turn-off if the woman goes down and stays down till it’s all over. Much nicer if it’s part of a kind of tour of the body (and that’s often how I enjoy my wife’s body and give her oral sex). I think even the term “oral sex” separates it off too much from general lovemaking.
It does feel fantastic and you are right about the woman being in control. Female friends have told me similar — that they feel very much in control of the man and how he is feeling.
Sorry if I’ve overstepped the mark!
David
David,
Thank you for a little insight into a husband’s perspective.I hope all the wives read this.
Ruth
I have been married for 23 years, we talked about this before marriage and she said she looked forward to receiving and giving after marriage. But she has never once tried it or attempted it. Early in our marriage l meantioned it and got several negative reactions so in the last 20 years l have never asked again. So l honestly dont know what l am missing, but everytime l read a blog about this I get very curious and wonder what it feels like. I have givin to her many times and l truly enjoy giving it and she enjoyed receiving, but in the last 7years, since our last child was born l havn’t tried it. She dont want to talk about sex or our marriage bed. I just keep praying for her and maybe the Lord will give her awaking love for marriage.Thank you for your blog, it’s been and encouragement to me and has help me to continue to Pray and Love her.
Be encouraged. Keep loving her, talking to her and praying for her.
For the ladies who want to learn how to both give and receive OS I highly reccomend taking an Awaken Love class. This part of love making shifted greatly for me (my husband was always on board) and completely changed my attitude about it. As with anything, practice makes perfect, so even allowing him to be down there for 2 minute at a time is a great way to start. I think that also until you learn to truly love giving OS it’s hard to enjoy receiving it because of the thoughts we have running through our heads. Before I didn’t enjoy giving it so I assumed he felt the same way when preforming OS on me. Now that I enjoy giving I also enjoy receiving. Perhaps that’s just my experience. Blessings!
Thanks for sharing your experience.
First of all, thank you for boldly and bravely talking about this issue – as it’s a topic for many and there is no way around it except to be direct and open in a respectful way.
A few tips I’ve found work in my marriage:
1. Don’t just “bob” all day. My husband says that’s overrated. Go to the right depth and suck and suck intently, like a straw..
2. Positioning matters. I like being on my knees, so does he. There are other options. Do what works or experiment.
3. Finishing. We do like not just making it foreplay to something else but making oral sex the item – or, at least, round 1! For me, finishing is important as it’s what I enjoy the most out of it, personally – going back to your article about being selfish! Agree that talking about the “how” is very important.
Awesome Married Sally for sharing your experience and thoughts about “finishing”. That is a motivation as well as the other positive postings for other wives to hear. And not just the husband finishing but the wife as well for her husband to devour!
Position 69 is always a great choice to satisfy both husband and wife. How great it is for the wife to take it all in her mouth while the husband a very visual creature watches. It is always just as sexy for the husband to devour his wife’s cum.
69 can be a great position for mutual enjoyment, but it does have some challenges for the wife. Being fully exposed on all 4 can feel super vulnerable for her. Plus the position is not very relaxing for the wife, while the husband lays on his back. It is not a place that I would suggest wives to start as they are trying to gain confidence and get comfortable.
What if it was reversed and the husband was on top and the wife on her back? What about using a toy to help the wife cum?
I am not against the 69 position, but the original comment was posted on an article about a wife learning to give oral sex. In that situation, I don’t think it is the best position. Men tend to think it is much hotter than women -at least for the less experienced.
As far at the reverse 69, again I am not against the position, but there is no way that this is a good position for a women learning to like oral sex. She will feel totally out of control with him on top of her.
Thanks Ruth for addressing this topic in a thoughtful and sensitive manner. Many wives do struggle with giving oral sex to their husband. I think the advice that is best in practice is to work at making small steps with it. Husbands need to be understanding and patient and not expect their wife to be able to go 100 percent all-out the first several times she gives oral sex. In time, most wives find that they are able to do more both comfortably and confidently.
A suggestion for wives is to give it a try and not automatically say no to it. Often times, a person’s fears or anxieties are found with experience to be groundless and can be let go of. Consciously working at cultivating a positive mental attitude towards oral sex can help a wife be more relaxed when she actually gives it to her husband. The most frustrating thing for a husband who desires to receive oral sex is when his wife will not even give it a fair try. Be aware that enthusiasm is so much more important than technique when giving it. Find out what works best for both of you. I think most husbands sincerely desire that their wife enjoys the experience.
How how so true with the wife having enthusiasm towards anything sexually! I couldn’t agree more! Enthusiasm and a positive attitude than not wanting to try things or just going through the motions is not satisfying to the husband and he will feel unfulfilled and less desired. Enthusiasm and great attitude is everything! Thanks for sharing!
I agree that oral sex can be a very intimate way to connect, but I believe that there are many intimate ways to connect. No certain activity should be put above the importance of loving one another and caring for each other. My goal with women is to open their minds to discovering new things that they love to do and I would never push specifics. If they are relaxed and enjoy things, then activities will progress with increased trust and intimacy.
I agree that pornography has made life complicated. The expectations that come can sometimes blind the importance of caring and loving for each other. And how do you discern whether what you want to do feels exciting because it is a new way to know each other, or because you saw it in porn and you are trying to recreate that excitement? Especially the activity of finishing on your wife’s chest or face. It is often portrayed in porn – and not in a loving way – but in a degrading way or a I am beyond caring about you, I need to just do what I need to do. I pray that people receive healing from what they have seen or read, that connection becomes as exciting as particular acts and that God would create a loving mutuality in marriages.
I concur with Anonymous in that oral sex is one of the basics of sex that couples should commit to exploring, with the caveat that ultimately, if one or both just doesn’t find enjoyment out of it, it’s not worth pursuing.
In addition, just because an idea is portrayed in porn, or even if someone may have gotten the *idea* from porn, doesn’t make it bad, so I hope that couples don’t stop from engaging in an exciting activity simply because the idea came to them via something they read or observed via means that may not be ideal.
Of course, this goes to why blogs like this and others like it are so important..so couples can get ideas from positive sources!
I agree with Married Sally that oral sex is one of the basics of sex and it ought to be explored with mutual respect. As well, Ruth makes a very helpful point that connection is important. It does appear that for some husbands the excitement of oral sex sometimes obscures the importance of working for a loving connection in all married sexual intimacy.
When couples keep in mind that they are working for loving, shared emotional intimacy, the connection they seek is easier to achieve. The mind plays a big role here. One of the reasons husbands enjoy receiving oral love from their wife is the acceptance they feel and that is in the mind. Similarly, the wife can bear in mind the acceptance she is giving to her husband during the act even while both spouses are in a sense, vulnerable. When the more constructive and positive mental attitude is achieved (which takes time), the physical aspects of giving oral sex are no longer seen as obstacles or impediments.
Context is so very important. Yes, porn is a terrible influence in our society. And, much of what is depicted in porn is degrading and devoid of love and true connection. But, let us not be too quick to condemn an act because it is in porn. Oral sex within a truly loving marriage can enhance the intimacy and connection of the spouses. It is precisely the shared vulnerability, the mutual trust and acceptance that is in play during oral love that serves to strengthen the connection between the wife and her husband. Mutuality is present when both spouses work for the loving connection with trust and acceptance. If I may, let me say this about climax (and ejaculation) which is usually the biggest hurdle for the wife. It is not solely the physical connection (and excitement and pleasure) that is most intense at this time; the intimate emotional connection is pretty intense when the wife lovingly shares and participates in her husband’s climax by freely accepting it inside her mouth.
It is very encouraging that there are good Christian marriage blogs that address loving sexual intimacy in a positive and constructive manner.
I don’t think that norms are important. I don’t want women to feel pressured because women do or don’t. They need to discern what they are comfortable with and what creates connection.
Thanks for sharing some ideas that might be helpful to other women. I agree that the taste can vary tremendously because of his diet.
Ruth
This suggestion and posting sure helped me enjoy my husband and him finishing. Thanks.
Not at this time, but you can host a video class anywhere. Just invite a few friends, listen to the weekly teaching and facilitate the discussion in healthy and respectful ways. Here is a link to information about a video class.
Moderating this discussion is like walking a tight rope. Though I understand the freedom that can come in expressing excitement about what you have learned or are learning,but we need to be careful with our words. Though all of you can comment anonymously and may feel freer expressing yourself, I am not anonymous.The comments that I allow are a reflection on me and the ministry of Awaken Love. Please do not describe things in a way that will cause others to picture what you have done or will do to your spouse. Please share information that you think could help others strengthen their marriage. Could you say to a friend what you are writing? Here are a couple of posts that might clarify.
I’m so glad you have addressed the issue of picturing other couples in their marriage beds. I have been reading Christian sex blogs for a year or so, but now I find myself avoiding them due to the personal nature (photos of blogger and spouse, plus a lengthy bio and lots of other personal information) which can put wrong images in my head when I read their posts, even though they don’t give intimate details. Let me make myself clear though, these blogs are a wonderful resource for married couples, and the decision to read them or not lies entirely with me. I’m here now though because I find your blog very helpful. I don’t know anything about you apart from your name, don’t know if you have a bio or photographs anywhere (and I’m not going looking). Any mention of your husband in the comments is swiftly
scrolled past. I usually download self-help books on to my kindle making sure that the only information I have about the author is their name and maybe professional credentials. It might sound a bit extreme, but sometimes you just have to curb a fertile imagination.
Glad the blog is helpful.
Thanks for helping women understand the importance of entering into sex with their whole heart rather than just going through the motions.
Yes, certainly a topic with all kinds of pre-conceived ideas that might feel wildly different for different people. Communication about motivation and meaning can help us discern what feels right and good for us as a couple and as individuals. Ultimately God intends sex to show love to each other and to unify the marriage. As we build trust that our spouse would never try to degrade us or use us, maybe we can set each other free to express ourselves even in the heat of the passion.
I am saying that as we gain trust with each other, we can allow our spouse to let themselves be known. What if we can get to a place where we don’t have to wonder, “is this ok?”, but we can express ourselves freely. My article on The Importance of Being Selfish During Sex might lend some insight.
Hope you enjoy it and that you have amazing conversations.
This comment is for MAY. I used to have the same thoughts and attitudes about OS no way,no chance was my husband going to ejaculate near my face. I would get angry if he did. Then after a lot of prayer, listening to my husband and showing how much I desire him I actually now find it arousing to taste him. I can’t tell you what it has done for his attitude and confidence in life and for me it has done. I had an open mind and open “mouth”. Even though he knows I love him regardless I believe he feels I accept him more and unequivocally love him leaving him no doubt. Praying for you and your spouse and your marriage!
Thank you for having the courage to talk openly about sex with newlyweds. I hope that the groom receives a similar message about fully loving and accepting his wife’s body. Though I am all for freedom in the marriage bed, we also need to realize that many men and women have baggage around sex and may need to seek healing in order to enter into that freedom. Be careful to present possibilities rather than prescribing.
Wow! What an awesome ministry to new couples. Thank for all that you are doing.
Ruth
KT
Finishing a husband with oral sex is not just something that happens in porn movies. Many wives thoroughly enjoy it as an intimate way to connect with their husband. Crazy how pornography has robbed us of freedom in our marriages. Some women love swallowing from the beginning and others gradually learn to relax and enjoy it more and more. But some women may not ever learn to love it. I don’t think we let our husband finish in our mouths because we are expected to. We do it because we want to. More than anything, your husband wants you to enjoy what you are doing. That being said, if porn has skewed your idea of oral sex, I would ask your husband for his truth about what oral sex means to him. Maybe I need to write an article on why wives love giving their husband oral sex, to help others understand just how intimate in can be.
Oh I know my husband would think its sexy to finish in my mouth or face as he asks me to but it is not a turn on for me and it is not somethig I enjoy or think its romantic.
I think that a lot of husbands would say that finishing in your mouth is not just about something being sexy, but it makes them feel completely loved and accepted. I am not trying to convince you to change your ideas, just encouraging open communication and understanding. Like I said, if you don’t enjoy it, then don’t do it.
Porn has skewed what happens in the bedroom. Just because it’s done in porn doesn’t make it wrong for a couple to do. If that is our thinking then kissing and piv would not be happening either. Oral sex is such a loving act between a married couple.
Its not the oral sex thinking it is wrong it is the cumming in the wifes mouth that is done in porn and the grossness of it.
I am thankful that my husband and I have not had to deal with the way that porn has distorted sex. There is nothing that is gross about loving each other through oral sex – even letting a husband finish in your mouth. I pray that God would erase images and help us start with a clean slate.
I don’t watch porn. Don’t have images of it just know they do that and can’t imaging me doing it. Blessings.
I did not mean to imply that you watch porn. I simply wish that porn did not exist.
I myself thought that was mostly a porn thing too! And a guys fantasy. Interesting … Thanks for the insight Ruth.
Thanks, Ruth
This thread has been most interesting – it’s amazing the passion people have for this topic! Thank you having the courage to boldly address it, Ruth. Really, it goes to show how important you are and how important your mission is. God bless you.
Ruth, thank you so much for this needed posting! Finishing my husband in my mouth is my favorite part of oral sex. It took me a few years to get used to it, but now I very much enjoy it. God Bless and thank you for the encouraging words and passion.
The large amount of comments on this topic demonstrate how important it is for the sex-positive Christian community to address specifics (like oral sex) because oftentimes it’s those specifics that are what people struggle with! Now, for some couples, even getting to the point where oral sex is a topic of discussion would be a victory in itself – but for a whole another set of couples, it can be the gateway between a good sex life and a fantastic sex life. Whether it’s oral sex, certain positions,pace, or other specific topics, I think couples often do need help navigating the details. The challenge, of course, is addressing these topics without being crude – but also not being too clinical. You’ve achieved that balance, Ruth!
Thank you. Teaching live classes has helped me tremendously. I always ask myself, when I teach face to face, would I feel comfortable saying this? We have awesome classes by the way, without making others picture what happens in our marriage bed. Moderating comments has been challenging. Finding the line between useful information and too much detail. We have to share in a way that does seek to tantalize others, but to help and educate.
For what it is worth, you do a wonderful job. More and more, a Song of Songs philosophy comes to mind as we ponder questions of how we talk about these issues. While sharing details that are pure tantalization is something to certainly be wary of, details that help and educate can simultaneously be tantalizing. And, within the context of marriage – which is the case here – then that’s fine. The Song of Songs is tantalizing in many ways, and even though our societal language may be less poetic, it can also still contain that celebratory spirit that we see in SOS. Part of the breakthrough in being sex-positive in our minds is breaking through the notion that we can talk about it in general terms, but not in detail, and if we do go into detail, we have to be clinical. That balance between using normal language without being crude is the key, and you do a fantastic job of allowing people the freedom to talk in a civil way about sex, just as you do in your posts.
Thank you.
I truly believe that the way that we turn things around for our kids is by talking about sex – at home, in the church and with friends. I want to challenge people from the Songs of the Believers community to look into how they can minister to others by talking about sex. Many people are lost and hurting with no one to talk to, or maybe they don’t even realize what they are missing out on. The Awaken Love Video class is a great tool open up the conversations face to face. I would be happy to help any way I can or answer questions. What if we took the churches by storm as women started opening up conversations about sex with enough detail to actually help women create an amazing sex life with their husband.
Amen to everything you said! There are many lost and hurting and that’s why sites like yours and communities like ours are such a blessing to so many. You are on the front lines of something very important and thank you.
The comment about “not tantalizing” others was simply made in reference to moderating comments. In order to encourage, help and educate others we do not need to visualize and emotionally feel the steaminess of someone else’s marriage bed.
Ruth, great posting on this. I enjoy reading your blog.comments, and responses. Without being too overly graphic but how can I avoid it as we are on the subject.The way I learned how to enjoy my husband with OS is I first had him finish on my face -not immediately out of the gate in my mouth. As my eyes were closed and I twitched and cringed, I would be able to little by little taste him on my lips with my tongue. After a while and a few times I was used to how it tasted. Now he usually just finishes in my mouth. That is what worked for me. God bless. And thank you for being an encouraging mentor and breaking down the Song of Solomon.
Singing this song in church this morning among the Christmas carols made me think of your blog “Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am” … I can DO this!
Thanks Ruth Buezis for this nice article, but still m afraid about God will of doing this or receiving this. I am male and unmarried kindly guide me about that how God wants from us to enjoy oral sex.
Thanks
Rahul
I would encourage you to read Song of Songs, but also to search the rest of God’s word to find out what He says about sex within marriage.
Thanks…
Yes. When our spouses enjoyment matters as much as our own, then we do things that are mutually enjoyable.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I would caution all women, to use gentle terms in talking about their challenges during sex. I can imagine how I would feel if my husband talked about how gross my taste was, or that he couldn’t imagine how anybody could stand it. We women seem to think that men don’t have feelings, but they do. That doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty for not enjoying it, just be careful how you communicate about the challenges.
As for how many women enjoy it, a survey was done at Uncovering Intimacy that you can check out. About 50% allow their husband to finish in their mouth.
Yes, I think open, clear communication before marriage regarding sex is important – though I would hope that finishing a husband would not be a deal breaker. Hopefully many things are a lot more important than that.
This is one thing my wife will NEVER do is let me finish in her mouth… I am not sure how one would ask prior to marriage? “Will you be willing for me to finish myself in your mouth during oral sex”? It may come off as the focus of the marriage being the most important for the guy while the future spouse may be totally offended. For those couples who don’t have any sexual relationship prior to marriage with each other, as my wife and I waited we found out after marriage what my wife will absolutely not do and this is one. I still love her regardless.
Never say never. Just keep loving her.
As a man I can think of lots of lovely affirming things you and I can do sexually with and for our wives, not including oral sex. My wife won’t go near my penis with her mouth and I do kind of understand that. Surely we can find other ways of connecting by communicating about these things and respecting each other, without feeling we’re losing out. (I’m speaking to myself here).
My job and yours is to love our wife as Jesus loves us and that gives us a lot of options without even considering oral sex.
Let’s find romance and adventure in that and see where it leads.
Hi Anonymous, I’ve given my wife oral in the past but she preferred my fingers. Now she doesn’t really want anything and gives me a hand job once a week. What can I do?
I suppose I’m speaking to myself in thinking of back strokes which she loves but not in a sexual way. Ruth talks about touching one another rather than rubbing and I’m hoping in time that my wife and I will be able to discuss what we like and become a bit more adventurous and intimate.
I think basically my wife never found sex intimate. It was just something we did, made babies and occasionally felt good but not something that caused her to feel close to me. I can either feel sorry for myself and angry at her for not understanding what I want (which I do, a lot) or try to give her what she wants (non sexual back strokes where we both enjoy the feeling of skin on skin and help around the house perhaps).
I hear lots of men on marriage sites feeling sorry about what they can’t have and I guess there are many more out there. Maybe we should be praying for more but in the mean time be content to live with a lower level of sexual satisfaction ourselves while aiming to enrich our wives’ lives, treating them as the royalty they are and maybe trying to understand why they don’t like certain things.
In James ch1 it says “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance”. And later, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because that person will receive the crown of life”.
In 2019 I’m going to try being a bit less selfish about what I think my wife should give me, treat her as Christ (my bridegroom) treats me and see what God will do to transform us both. After all, our marriages, extraordinarily, are a picture of Christ and his church. I hope that makes some sense and is an encouragement to someone.
Do you know, if I were a woman, I don’t think I would want my husband to cum in my mouth. What I would hope I would be happy to do is to kiss and lick him there including the tip but more from the side with him lying on his back so that when he orgasms it goes on his body.
Maybe in time I’d be persuaded but that would seem like a compromise to me.
You say that you finished once in your wife`s mouth. Was it a surprise with no warning ?
That defiantly would not be a good first time experience
My husband lets me know when he is getting close finishing. Having a glass of water on hand helps to get it down quickly. Hearing positive comments is good too.
Do not give up. Just be patient with her and she may surprise you .
I got used to my husband finishing in my mouth by giving him oral sex after intercourse so I tasted just a little semen on the head of his penis. Now he finishes in my mouth as a way to reduce the chance of pregnancy.
I know this is over a year later, but here I am again, my wife and I having another sexual awakening. These articles always help so very much, and I am indebted to Ruth and all those who have left so many encouraging comments.
I will only say in response to the above line of thinking, that I would encourage other couples to avoid using various forms of love making as a way of diminishing something incredible and important about that same marital embrace. To use oral as a way of avoiding pregnancy can cause harm because the oral is not done out of love, whether selfless or selfish love, but as a tool to “bend the rules” so to speak, and avoid a natural consequence of sexual love. My wife and I have struggled for years about “not letting the seed drop on the ground” as the verse goes, but we have discovered slowly that because we have always been open to life, we should not hold back when the moment of oral climax comes. We still struggle with starting having the intention to finish oral, but even that is finally starting to be left behind too. We have 5 sons and my wife is pregnant with our 6th child.
All I wish to share is that guilt or shame can easily destroy or diminish the love, passion and pleasure that a wife and husband enjoy, and only true openness to your mate, true embracing of two bodies into one by being entirely open to the other, will free you from the potential downfalls.
As Ruth has so eloquently stated, God meant for us to enjoy our partner in the whole entirety of this embrace, the pleasure, the emotional and spiritual bond, and the potential to bring new life through the full enjoyment of the gift itself. To me it is just an extra reward, but I understand the many stresses and concerns that plague so many today. NFP may be a great way to achieve the same results and take nothing away from the rest of your intimate life.
Good Luck!
How long does it take for what is drunk to affect taste?
If you eat or drink something strong like asparagus or coffee then you can notice within a few hours. If you are trying to makes the taste more mild or sweeter, then it can take longer because other things need to get out of your system. I think it is kind of surprising how fast it can have an impact.
Amanda,
It is awesome that you want to be an amazing lover to your husband, but I think you need to take the pressure off of yourself. After you are married, just spend time exploring him in ways that you enjoy. As you get more and more comfortable and gain confidence, you will know when you are ready. You have a life time to get to know each other. No matter what you do, if you enjoy it, he will enjoy it. If you force yourself to do something you hate, you will set up a bad pattern that will cause you to hate sex. A loving husband wants his wife to enjoy sex, and not dread it.
The above reply is very good. I like it.
Amanda,
I echo Ruth’s helpful advice and insights here. It is very positive that you have a sincere desire to satisfy your future husband in a loving way. Bear in mind that our minds play a very large role in our sexuality and lovemaking. Thus, keeping a positive mental attitude towards our sexual intimacy is important.
As Ruth recommends, just go slow and learn along the way. It is true that young married persons gain confidence and achieve a greater comfort level through their lovemaking experiences. With such confidence, they are free to expand the range of expression and connection with their spouse in their lovemaking. From a husband’s perspective, the enjoyment of his wife during sexual intimacy is highly valued and desired. Men really do desire that their wife enjoys their shared intimacy. Your future husband will see your loving participation and love you the more for it. So, let go, relax, and enjoy yourself. No pressure. In time, you may surprise yourself, and be able to let him finish. But, there surely is no need to fret over it either now, or later on. The enthusiasm you bring to the act will be much more important to your future husband.
Ruth, you talk about taking control while giving husband OS. This is very true. I have learned over the years of trying to accept me finishing my husband in my mouth is not the easiest thing to do. However, what I have learned is if my head is back I have more control of the semen. I can either swallow letting it just slide down my throat or showing it on my tongue and chin and not directly over my husband after I am accepting his semen. If I am directly over him when he is on his back and finishes his semen will run directly out of my mouth. I make it much easier when I think of his semen as me eating a whipped cream pie or my favorite meal and am able to enjoy it just as when it is bitter cold outside and I tell my brain I am in Hawaii and 80 degrees.
Thanks for sharing. Like you illustrated, so much is in our mindset.
When Jen shared how she lets her husband finish down the back of her throat I let my husband try it and the feeling of his semen hitting my tonsils and the back of MY throat is an awesome feeling…i want to share how Ruth stated how some wives enjoy swallowing from the beginning, I am one of them. I started on our honeymoon.
Hello Ruth, I love your blog and reader comments… A blog discussion is a bit more sacred and not so personal as live open personal discussion. This topic on oral sex and the wives discussing oral sex with their husband finishing gives a lot detail which is fine behind a blog but how is this topic discussed in one of your classes or group classes that wives would lead? I think discussing if a husband finishes in his wife’s mouth or the wife does or does not swallow or spit or choose to take facials instead… It is much easier to discuss through a blog than with church members or trusted close neighbors. I think this would be too difficult to discuss openly and not sure others would respond or is it something that shouldn’t be discussed? Blessings and God Bless!
Crystal, Thanks for asking. When we talk about oral sex in class, it is a lot more like reading one of my blog posts- not like many of the comments. Once in a while women have questions in class and I am fine with that, but you can imagine things are much more reserved in person.
I do remember reading things on ChristianNymphos that was both eye opening and challenging. But I am not writing anonymously. No only that, but I am looking for the favor of churches to invite me to speak or teach Awaken Love. I tread a fine line of providing detailed information about sex in a respectful way. My commenters have more freedoms, but ultimately what I allow on the blob becomes a reflection of Awaken Love.
Moderating the comments on the blog has been a challenge for me. Some of the comments are helpful, but when someone starts sharing the details of what their wife does, we get into dicey ground and I find myself editing or deleting parts.
There has been so much discussion about the details of finishing during oral sex, that I have actually been thinking about writing a post specifically about just that. Pray for me on that one.
I am sure it will be a great posting. Looking forward to it and praying for you. Can you I also blog about not just the wife finishing her husband but also the husband finishing his wife?
By the way have any churches invited you to speak? If so please announce it on the blog… Also, as you stated Awaken Love and you are a reflection of the blog. You are amazing in not being private in who you are – I am sure another challenge…Thanks for what you do!
Can you share a few more details about what you mean when you ask for a post on a husband finishing a woman during oral sex? I am just curious what you would like me to cover.
I just spoke as part of a panel discussion on sex (in place of the sermon) at Bethel Christian Fellowship. It was super fun. Probably the most controversial topic was the discussion about masturbation for singles and in marriage. I will try to announce next time I speak at a church – usually I speak at moms groups.
Thanks for your ministry Ruth! Yes, masturbation should be talked about and not shyed away from
Crystal,
It is a panel discussion, not just me. Here is a link http://betheltwincities.org/media. The date of the sermon was Oct 20, 2019
Oh WOW! What a topic especially in church…masturbarion is something me and my husband enjoy and know our bodies are a gift from GOD. I am sure you did great! Ok, since you asked to elaborate on what I mean by the husband finshing the wife is how the wife will extract her fluids either through intercourse, foreplay or masturbation as her husband will (but not in the same way obviously) and his wife will finish in HIS mouth! ?
I’m ALL for that last comment!
Yes, pineapple juice does wonders! Amazing topic and blog! I love it!
I am actually releasing a post tomorrow that talks about this titled “My Husband Wants to Finish Where?”
Thank you for addressing this topic with such grace, and allowing the comments you do. It’s one of those topics that you have to allow some detail, but I know it’s so difficult to navigate too as you don’t want the conversation to be steered a direction that’s inappropriate.
Keep up the wonderful work.
I left a comment and never got a confirmation it went through.
Thanks for the great work.
An issue we struggled with is doing oral sex in our marriage after we became parents because we kiss our child with our mouth and also share food or drinks at times.
I’ve also heard of Christian couples who don’t mind kissing after giving/receiving oral but it just feels dirty to me. Along with if the husband pulls out of his wife and she finishes him with her mouth.
Ever hear any similar circumstances with couples? Ways to get more comfortable and relaxed to enjoy sex inside of marriage.
Unless you have a std, I don’t think you need to worry about the germs from oral sex. It seems like simply brushing your teeth would be enough to feel fresh and clean. As far as kissing after oral, or oral after intercourse – I think that is just a comfort thing, that can happen over time and with increased freedom and trust. Don’t push yourself to do certain. Challenge yourself to stop thinking so much and freely enjoy each other.
Ruth, I so appreciate the sensitivity and balance with which you write. My wife has just started doing one of your Awaken Love classes and she is loving it. OS was not something talked about when we got married 39yrs ago yet it was something I longed to give to my wife. It took me around 10yrs before finally plucking up the courage to head south. We never talked about sex or what we liked/enjoyed. She loved it and it didn’t take long for her to begin to reciprocate. It has now become one of favourite activities. Knowing she gets turned on and wet while giving me OS has simply magnified the pleasure for me. We are slowly learning to communicate more. You would think that after 39yrs of married life we’d have it all worked out but I feel like we are still learning and growing. I just wished I had read something like this way back when we were both younger. I found the book Sheet Music nearly 20yrs ago and that was a main turning point for us in both our marriage as well as our sex life. I honestly felt almost shame and guilt giving my wife OS and also receiving it, that it wasn’t the christian thing to do – and therefore had to be “pornographic”. Sheet Music and now your blogs have been incredibly healing and freeing. Thank you.
Glad it has been helpful. Please help spread the word and encourage other marriages.
Hi Ruth – Can you please clarify on what it means for the husband to finish in the wife’s mouth? Is there a difference between finishing in the back of her mouth, or into her mouth (the penis is outside of the mouth and the semen is being projected into the mouth.
I finish in the back of my wife’s mouth, and she swallows. Would finishing into her mouth fall into the same category? I understand checking my motivation, and my wife is very comfortable with me finishing into her mouth, but wanted to see if there would seem to be a difference. Thank you.
I was talking about the penis inside of the mouth when he finishes, but as long as it is something you both want to do…
As a man, I can say the most important thing my wife can do when giving me oral sex is to to be enthusiastic and excited about it. If I don’t feel like she really wants to do it then it’s difficult for me to enjoy. Her technique is far less important than her enthusiasm. It also took me awhile to learn to fully relax and believe she really wants to give me oral sex. Her enthusiasm helped a lot with this. My wife giving me oral sex is almost always part of our foreplay activities. After more than 20-yrs of marriage my wife says nothing gets HER more aroused and wanting intercourse than giving me oral sex.