How to Love Your Husband with Oral Sex

This is a detailed guide in how to pleasure your husband with oral sex and is part of my curriculum ,How to drive your man crazy. 

It can take time to get comfortable loving your husband with oral sex. Start slow and just get to know him. Spend time touching him, kissing him, watching him and licking him.  Lube him up with coconut oil so that you can combine hand work with your mouth. If you mouth starts feeling tense, use your hand and relax your jaw. If you are uncomfortable taking him deep, combine your hand with the motion of your mouth.  You should always feel in control of what is going on. Ultimately it is just a way to know your husband up close and personal. Try to relax and focus on feeling every fiber of his body.

3 Assurances your husband needs to know

  1. You enjoy it as much as he does
  2. His penis is absolutely amazing
  3. I won’t do anything you don’t like,


  1. Fellatio is about getting to know your husband up close and personal
  2. By paying careful attention to his arousal levels, you can prolong his enjoyment
  3. It is not all about in and out movement – instead; licking, swirling, stillness
  4. Create additional tension by supporting the base of the penis
  5. Incorporate massage of the perineum with plenty of lube
  6. Create rhythm and direction
  7. Smooth, silky and connected – no teeth
  8. Relax and enjoy him

The Warm Up and First Kiss

  1. Warm him up with foreplay and gentle touch around the penis.
  2. Tease him with light unintentional touches of the penis, while kissing other parts of his body.  Make him wait for it.
  3. Gently lick from the base to the tip, until his penis is begging to be taken. Let it search for your mouth, but not quite find it. Let the head of his penis gently graze your lips, or feel the hot breath of your open mouth, but don’t take him in yet.
  4. Gently find his testicles with one hand and warm them up with plenty of lube. Gently roll his testicles toward his body. Loosen up the whole pelvic area.
  5. Firmly lick his penis all the way from his testicles, up the shaft, to the head of his penis several times until it strongly searches for your mouth.
  6. Take the base of his penis at his body and place it in full erect position, open your mouth, look him in the eye, and take him all the way in. Slowly close your mouth around his shaft and smoothly pull your mouth up over his shaft and head, paying special attention with your tongue as you pass by his ridge.
  7. Take his full length slowly several more times, always paying special attention to his ridge. Keep the pace slow with stillness at points so that you can really feel him.
  8. Closely monitor his testicles. If they have become ripe peaches, you have him right where you want him. At this point you can.
  • a. Go for the finish line by continuing firm, smooth stroking.
  • b. Try to keep at this heightened arousal for as long as possible – plateauing.
  • c. Back off by finding some other enjoyable activity to do for a while to let things cool off a bit for him and then return to peaking

Core-play ideas and repertoire

  1. Create expectancy by setting up patterns, for instance…
  2. Stroke his penis with your mouth while holding the base of his penis with your hand. Every 4th time follow your mouth with your hand for added stimulation
  3. Stroke his penis with your mouth several times and then every once in a while, stroke until your tongue firmly presses into his frenulum and just sit there for a minute
  4. Lick his penis bottom to top, and then every once in a while take him all the way
  5. During stroking of his penis, swirl your tongue around his head as you switch directions
  6. Switch to just hands once in a while – hand over hand, “Ode to Brian”, just palms catching at the ridge
  7. Switch to just testicles once in a while and scoop your hands up and around his shaft to loosen up the groin area
  8. Use the head of his penis to stimulate your vulva

The Finish Line –

By this point, his penis should be fully engaged; his testicles nice and ripe, his pelvis area loosened up, and he should be very relaxed – putty in your hands:

  1. With clear intention – ramp up stimulation. This could happen from increased speed or pressure. It could also happen through a slow languid connection, or a more passionate release of energy, or a driving rhythm, or you showing how aroused you are getting.
  2. Make sure you have your hand on his perineum and as intensity increases, press into his prostate area. See if you can feel his orgasm coming even before he does by feeling the contractions of his prostate and PC muscles.
  3. As his orgasm starts, one last full stroke to ejaculation and then prepare for his sensitive head. Stay still around his head while gently milking his shaft and pressing into his perineum.

Final Thoughts –

After you have felt his last contraction, gently to move to a position of laying on him and cover his body to help release the last bit of tension from his body. Let him bask in la-la land and enjoy your man in a state of total relaxation.


Comments 35

  1. This is a great article and covers everything so well. It is true that husbands want their wives to enjoy giving oral sex. Knowing that his wife enjoys it makes the experience even better for the husband. Wives, have fun with the oral sex.

    When the wife presses into the prostate area, this can help intensify the man’s climax and that makes the sensations even better for her husband.

  2. This is great, thanks. Maybe it will help my wife be more comfortable. I don’t think most women realize how truly amazing willing oral can be for their husbands – physically AND emotionally.

  3. I’m going to have to ask my husband to give me an anatomy lesson!
    By ‘ridge’, do you mean what I call his ‘little ears’ (behind the head)? My husband is circumcised.

    • Lynn,
      Yep, the ridge is where the penis transitions from shaft to head. Typically it is one of the sweetest spots for a man, especially the underside. Please do ask your husband about the ridge and if you really want to learn something, ask him to show you what areas are the sweetest and how they like to be touched.

      • He was not super pleased to discuss it and he doesn’t think it’s possible to do anything to a prostate from the outside – ? I groped around but – ?

        • anon,
          I am sorry that the idea was not met with enthusiasm. Maybe he will be more open to the idea with time, if not, just let it go.
          Many men will tell you that external pressure on the prostate can take their orgasm to a different place, but just like anything, you need to have an open mind and enjoy the journey as you learn new things. Remember it is a life long journey of getting to know each other.
          Blessings, Ruth

  4. My hubby and I enjoy sex, and I enjoying giving him oral sex. But, he has always said he does not like his testicles to be touched at all, even during oral sex. I’m sure he isn’t the only man that doesn’t enjoy this, but what may be the reason? When I ask him, he says he just doesn’t like how it feels. It confuses me and while he doesn’t get defensive about it, he never goes into any more detail than that.
    Any thoughts?
    After reading this, I will be giving my man some loving tonight. 🙂

    • Happy Wife,
      I think testicles can be like breasts – finicky, and moody. Sometimes they are ticklish, sometimes they just are tense or nervous, sometimes it can seem like too much, and sometimes it is just awesome. Some tips for entering that area…
      Since he says he does not like it – make sure to respect his wishes. But also let him know that if is open to it, you would love to learn what feels good. If he does let you go into that area… he may be ticklish until he is really warmed up – especially if he is nervous. Use some coconut oil around the entire area so that you can just gently stroke his inner thighs and then scoop around his testicles with very connected strokes. If he is not ticklish you could try some gentle play or GENTLE pulling.
      Really testicles can be enjoyable, but incorporating the perineum and the prostate has much more of an effect as far as changing the dimension of things. I guess I will have to write an article on this specifically sometime.
      Have fun,

      • Thank you, Ruth.
        Every few months I *attempt* to gently rub his testicles and he says, please don’t touch them. I respect that. I guess I thought that area is just as easy to please as his penis is. I am going to sound completely naïve right now, but how do I incorporate the perineum and the prostate? Is this something that a lot of men enjoy?

        • Happy wife,
          This is probably an entire article I should write and will need to be written with care. But basically the perineum is the area between the testicles and the anus. It can feel great to a man to have his perineum gently stroked while he is becoming aroused. When he is very aroused and close to ejaculation, putting firm pressure on the perineum with the pad of your fingers can stimulate the prostate (which is inside his body) and adds a whole different dimension to his orgasm. Many people call it the male G-spot.

      • Ruth, Every man is different on this subject. Sometimes its good that she is just a little rough and grabs the sack while giving a slightly rough BJ. Some light biting can be an exciting move.

  5. I just want to give a husband’s 2 cents if i may. If a man had a bad prior experience with having his testicles (also called testes) stroked or caressed or fondled, he may be hesitant to allowing stimulation of this area. He may have suffered a sports injury in this area and be a bit worried that any such stimulation may be painful. If he is open to this, a wife should be gentle in that area and ask her husband what he likes.

    An article on stimulating the prostate via the perineum would very likely be helpful to many wives. This is so true about stimulating this area when the man is close to his climax. He can have a more powerful and intense orgasm (the internal contractions) which in turn can lead to the possibility of a stronger, more voluminous ejaculation. The husband will enjoy this, and the wife should expect that the finish to her oral sex will be stronger.

  6. Another wonderful post!

    In addition to an article on stimulating the prostate via the perineum I’d also suggest one on the anatomy of the penis that identifies by its scientific name each area of the penis and any other anatomy that you think important enough to include. This would allow for using the scientific name of his corona instead of calling it “his ridge” and can remove uncertainty of readers increasing their confidence.

    The marriage bed has a very good article:

    There is also one for the female anatomy:

    I recently posted an article on manual sex advice for the adventurous wife:

  7. Thank you for the well written article. I wish that I felt comfortable enough with my wife’s reaction to suggest that she read some of these articles. For years I’ve been longing for the day that she will be willing to try providing oral sex instead of only receiving it. I understand that this is going to be a very hard one to answer but my question for you is, is it common for a wife to desire to provide oral sex as we age, and if so around what age? Any suggestions on how to sensitively introduce the topic with her?

    Thank you so much.

    • mm

      I don’t think being open to new things has anything to do with age. It has to do with feeling safe, loved, and open to enjoy all that God offers us. I would start with reading The Do’s and Dont’s. Do you and your wife talk about sex ?- because if you don’t there is no way you can bring up this topic first. My suggestion would be reading the bible out loud to your wife and eventually you will get to reading song of songs to her. My other suggestions, if she is open to it, is to tell her that you want to be a better husband and lover and would it be alright if you read Sheet Music together out loud. Once you start reading about sex, you can ask her about different things in the book to see if it is true for her too. Hopefully eventually, she will begin to ask you about things. The goal is to start talking about sex with each other. I know that all of that may seem like a very long path, but if you bring this up in a way that makes your wife feel like she is not enough, you are going to go backwards not forwards. It is only a suggestion – you know your wife and I do not.

  8. We are a unique couple like all the other couples out their. We happen to both have a high sex drive. Oral sex for us is the most fun because the act of oral sex is so unselfish. I am large and my wife is very petite with an extreme forward tilt. Worst possible situation, but after 32 years it’s now the best possible situation. We both love giving and receiving oral sex. We are blessed but it took love and acceptance to accept that rear entry was and is impossible and in order to be able to come inside her she needs an oral orgasm first. But lately oral sex is what we know best.

    • mm

      Getting used to your penis and your semen may be a very gradual process. Whatever you do, don’t pressure her. Instead celebrate the small steps she takes. The more relaxed she is with your penis, whether it is tasting, licking, sucking or even watching you, the better. She needs to be in control so that she can relax. She needs to trust that if she doesn’t want to swallow, you will make that happen. You can signal her when you are close so she can transition to hands and hopefully she will learn to read your body. She also needs to use a combination of her hand and mouth so that if her jaw gets tired, she can rest and just use her hand. Just encourage her and let her know how much you enjoy and appreciate what she does and how loved it makes you feel. Also, be sure to return the favor, is she likes oral sex.

      • Yes, the husband ought to celebrate the small steps his wife takes and not pressure her over this. With experience and practice, most wives can and do become comfortable with their husband’s penis and with giving oral sex, but it takes some time.

        From a husband’s perspective, it is important for his wife to allow his ejaculation inside her mouth. This is emotionally gratifying and shows a deep level of acceptance and connection. As well, this is physically very pleasurable for the husband. This is more important for most husbands than if she swallows the semen. In our post on oral sex, we tell wives that accepting the climax is more important for her husband than swallowing. We do recommend that the wife try swallowing at some point as this is the only way to find out if she will like doing so. (She can try several times so that any initial bad experiences can be worked past.) Both spouses ought to bear in mind that this is a loving and giving act, and involves shared vulnerability. It can be helpful for the wife to consciously cultivate a positive mental attitude to giving oral sex, and towards her husband’s penis and semen.

        The husband definitely needs to give a signal that he is close to his climax. This is needed and helpful in either case. Being prepared for his climax helps the wife to accept it – manage it – without undue stress.

  9. I love giving my husband oral. It is my way of showing him how much I care for him. It’s my way of communicating my love for him. After reading most of your articles on this subject, I have gotten much better at it than I had been before, making it more desirable and enjoyable for me (and for him). To be honest, I hated doing it before. But I stepped it up, because I want my husband enjoy all the pleasures I can give him.
    There is a problem though, he doesn’t ever return the act of oral sex. It’s something I really want and enjoy. The very very few times he had tried it, it was rushed. It was clear to me he didn’t like it. So I obviously felt guilty the entire time and could not relax enough to enjoy it. What can I do to help him understand that I want it too? How can I make it a better experience for him? Is there something he can do?
    Because based on what I have experienced, when you do a great job and you see that your spouse enjoys it, you tend to enjoy it more as well. Maybe there is a guide for a husband???

    • mm

      Way to go in embracing something that was initially not real comfortable. The desire to love your husband motivated you to learn more, try some new things and to open up your mindset.
      In order to make oral sex more enjoyable for your husband to give to you, make sure you are freshly showered. Groom your pubic hair by either shaving trimming or waxing. Prop your hips up on a pillow to elevate your hips and make it more comfortable for him. Do your best to relax so you can express your appreciation. You expressing your enjoyment will make the greatest impact.
      As far as what you can do to help your husband – Don’t assume that because he seemed rushed when he tried oral sex, that he did not want to do it. He may have just been nervous because he hasn’t done it much and he wanted to please you. Just like it took you time to get comfortable, it may take him time. Whether we realize it or not, our husbands fear of failure can have a huge impact on them. Ultimately, you need to have a conversation with your husband. Start by telling your husband how much your enjoy giving him oral sex and why. Then share about how it was hard at first but you did some research and the more you did it the more you enjoyed it. Then tell him, you think that you would really like it if he gave you oral sex. Share how last time you felt nervous but that with time and his assurances, you are sure you would enjoy it immensely. You could also share that my website had some helpful articles for you and that there is a Guide for Husbands Category. The specific article is How to Love Your Wife with Oral Sex.
      Hope this helps,

  10. Any alternatives to help with a spouse that doesn’t have an active saliva glands? I prefer more spit to aid with the lubrication and it ultimately feels better for me but she isn’t able to do that so at time there isn’t enough and my penis feels dry at times around the shaft. How can we reach a common ground?

  11. Ruth this must be the most descriptive and exciting rendition of giving oral sex to ever. A beautiful description of a beautiful event. To include anal play around the prostate is just perfect.i feel it can be a real act of love. I can’t describe my delight when I experience my wife swallowing my cum. My wife also lies on top of me when we finish. The perfect end !

  12. I like this website, alot.
    Some tips to add:
    -Put on lipstick just before and tease him that you’d like to leave kiss marks. It’s a fun visual
    -Play with flavored lube to begin with.
    -Hair in pigtails or ponytails (natural handles for him, if you trust him), or at least for your sake pulled back and out of your way
    -take semen in hair, breasts, or if naked on vulva/anus, if you can’t/won’t swallow. Its messy but exciting and visual.
    -this is for….only certain couples. vaginal sex in middle of oral, then switch back to oral. Its fun too. Can go back and forth.
    I’ve been happily married 10 years. Currently going through a dry spell (my antidepressants), but husband and I try.

  13. Ruth, I have been married almost 24 years. I have gotten more comftorable performing OS on my husband over the years than when we were first married. I can count the times on one hand I have given him OS where he finishes. I usually stop before he gets there in lieu of something else allowing him to finish – just not oral. I have performed OS countless times as he does to me. Am I doing my husband a disservice with me not allowing him to finish with oral but with something else, such as masturbation or intercourse? Thanks! I enjoy your blog. God Bless!

    • mm

      You probably should ask your husband that question. My guess is no. If you enjoy what you are doing, I am guessing he is enjoying it too. But ask him, and learn what he likes and why.
      Praying you have an amazing conversation. He is a blessed man.

      • mm

        First I just want to remind you that your husband will enjoy most what you enjoy doing. If you hate the idea of doing it, then don’t do it.
        As for your primary question, why does swallowing matter to a husband? Let me take that from a couple of different directions.
        First imagine how a husband would feel if every time a wife did a hand job, she made a face of disgust and some under the breath of comment of, “gross!” All this time he had thought everything about his body was amazing, and now the most important person in the world, thinks its disgusting. Ouch.
        Next, imagine that you really loved oral sex for yourself. Your husband was willing to do it, but your juices kind of grossed him out. So whenever he planned to give you oral sex, he covered your vulva with Saran Wrap so that he wouldn’t have to taste you or feel your juices.
        Now those might sound like kind of harsh examples, and they are. But sometimes taking something to the extreme can help us understand deep yearnings.
        I think we as women are so used to thinking of our private parts as dirty or disgusting. When we transfer those same ideas to our husbands body, he can feel shocked and hurt. Most boys think their penis is the most amazing thing in the world. Why don’t we think of our body like that too?
        I am going to repeat, I am not trying to convince you to swallow. I am only trying to answer your question. You should not swallow unless you want to. If you hate doing something, your husband isn’t going to enjoy it anyway.Focus on what you do enjoy, and if you want to learn something new, then take baby steps towards getting more comfortable and enjoying it.
        As for your question about finishing on your face, I am not going to address that here. Since it has come up multiple times, it is probably time to write a post on it. So pray for me as I wrestle with how to address a really sensitive topic.

        • Oh Yes, a very sensitive and delicate topic but how can you help on the face when your husband’s penis is outside of your mouth when giving him a HJ and he can explode without warning… almost looking down the barell of a shotgun – but those are happy bullets! Looking forward to the posting!

    • A lot of people miss this detail but it is way important: You can finish him with your mouth and tongue on his frenulum! Nothing goes in your mouth that way, but it feels about 95% as great as in the mouth. I’m a guy, a happy husband, I know both, and this is the truth. Don’t shift to a hand job, it can’t compete with tongue on frenulum to completion..

      Thank you to all the women who love us husbands enough to give us this amazing kind of pleasure, all of the varieties of oral pleasure. You have NO IDEA how great it feels — so thank you thank you!

  14. This is an awful lot to remember. I just can’t get this all in sync and I’ve been doing it for years. My co ordination skills are terrible and I have never been able to get my mouth and hands working together at the same time. This makes me feel quite inadequate, I could never be this skillful. I try so hard each time that I’m so busy concentrating on what I’m doing that there is no pleasure in it for me. Still, my husband says he enjoys what I do which I suppose is the main thing.

    • mm

      Your husband must feel like a blessed man. I would encourage you to take a step back from all of the directions and expectations, and discover what you enjoy in loving your husband. My guess is that your husband will love it even more when you find pleasure in it.

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