When I wrote my book Awaken Love I spend several months praying, listening to God, collecting stories of women in class, and digging deep to remember how God transformed me. As part of the process, I brainstormed on large pieces of poster board with the question scrawled across the top, “What do I want to tell women?” It did not take long for clear principles to emerge that I wanted to make the backbone of Awaken Love.

Do It for You

Women don’t need to hear again how important sex is for their husband. They need to know that God created sex for them too. Though are drives and our bodies function quite different than our husband’s, we need sex to connect with our husband, to find refreshment and as a way of getting to know ourselves and our husband. We need to know that sex is a good thing for us and permission to know and understand our own body  Women need to be encouraged to invest the time to create a sex life that is thoroughly enjoyable for both husband and wife.

There is a Design

When you understand the differences between men and women and the growth that’s required to create an amazing sex life in marriage, then you understand that God has a design to grow us. Whether it is the way that a husband’s visual eyes affirm a wife’s beauty when she receives his truth, or how a women’s need for words during sex will stretch a husband’s use of words. God designed aware of the power of sex to unite, while women seem to tune into the importance of getting to know each other during sex. Ultimately God designed sex to cause us to grow up as we learn to love our spouse.

It Takes Hard Work

There is nothing worse than reading a book about sex that makes everything seem so simple and can leave you feeling broken when things don’t fall into place. In order to create a sex life that both of you enjoy your entire marriage, you will need to make sex a priority. You must save time and energy to invest in your relationship.  If you want to create intimacy rather than just have sex, then it will require you to get “naked”, to vulnerably share your needs and desire. If you want to create a mutually enjoyable sex life, then you will need to stretch and grow to meet your spouse’s needs. The more you ground yourself in Christ, the more you can open up to a very imperfect mate. Great sex does not just come naturally.

There are Reasons

The more I teach classes, the more I realize that there are reasons for the way that we feel about sex, or about ourselves. When we uncover those reasons, then they hold less power and we can choose the truth. If you constantly heard that sex is all boys want, that they have no control, and that we need to have sex for our husband, why would we think of sex as anything besides a duty? When boys use girls to give them oral sex in high school, how could we imagine that oral sex could be a beautiful part of marriage? Having the courage to uncover why you feel the way you do, opens doors towards healing and truth.

Things Can Change

You don’t have to stay stuck where you are at. If you have baggage that you brought into marriage, or created in marriage, God can heal you. If you want more intimacy in your marriage than you can share more of yourself regardless of what your spouse does. You don’t have to believe the lies about sex, you can believe God’s truth. Our bodies can even change as we spend time learning new thing, but you must believe change is possible. God can do a work even in your sex life. I’ve seen Him do it in classes and I’ve experienced change myself.

Bring God into Your Marriage Bed

God did not just create sex and then launch you off on your own. He wants to be involved in your entire life, including your sexuality. When we separate Him from sex, then we divide ourselves from the power to help us create intimacy. We need Him to ground us so that we can let ourselves be known. We need His truth and healing as we navigate a very broken world. Rather than making choices on our own, we need to discern with him. Don’t boil sex down to just the mechanics to create pleasure. Make it a holy experience of discovery, connection and blessing.

Final Thoughts

Awaken Love is a raw, intimate look at what it takes to create an amazing sex life in marriage that never gets boring. Based on my story and the stories of women in classes, there are no easy answers or 3 easy steps. Creating real intimacy, rather than just having sex, takes work and a grounding that God is good. The more you learn about creating an intimate sex life in marriage, the more you will understand what intimacy with God looks like. Though written primarily to women, the book will help men understand their wife and open up a new understanding of sex. Filled with discussion questions, many couples have embraced the opportunity to read the book together and open up conversations. Pick up your copy today of Awaken Love and see what God can do in your marriage. The book is also available on Kindle.