How to Have Conversations with Your Kids About Tough Topics

Conversations about hard topics like sex, masturbation, or porn can feel scary and awkward for everyone involved. A simple formula can help make the experience positive so that it happens again and again. Create a great conversation by sandwiching the contents of your conversation between Affirmation and Availability. Just like a good book, your kids will remember most how the conversation started and how it ended.


Before You Talk About Sex, Work On Yourself

Even though you might know what you want to say, most people cannot just decide to talk about sex and effectively communicate.  Our reaction, tone, attitude and even silence communicate more about sex than our words. Before your kids even hear your words, they will pick up on your emotions. Things like fear, discomfort and awkwardness powerfully convey how you really feel. If you want your kids to believe your words than you have you have to believe them yourself. The most important thing that you can do to help your kids embrace God’s truth about sex, is for you to work on yourself.


Tips for conversations with your kids about sex


Every kid is different, every family is different, every experience is different and I do not don’t have all the answers,  but below are 10 tips for conversations with your kids about SEX.

If you did not read Mondays post – Conversations with your kids – please read it now. 


Start every conversation by affirming them. You could affirm a young child for his natural curiosity. An older child might be affirmed for his honesty in sharing his struggles. Kids even need to be affirmed that God made them sexual beings and that it is a good thing, even when it seems challenging to live in God’s boundaries.


Conversations with your kids about sex

One of the questions I ask when I teach Awaken-Love is “How did you first learn about sex? Not just how babies are made, but sex?”

Some of the more common answers I hear are:

  • On the bus
  • From friends
  • From romance movies, books or magazines
  • My mom handed me a book
  • My parents sat me down for an awkward talk

conversations-with-kidsBut every once in a while – a woman shares that even though she doesn’t remember a specific talk, she knew that her parents thoroughly enjoyed sex and it was a great part of their marriage. Conversation about bodies and sex were open. Nothing felt embarrassing, dirty, or secretive. There was no talk, just conversation.

These same women were confident enough to remain pure, even though many of them dated their future husband for years. And these same women, easily transitioned to figuring out sex and thoroughly enjoying it within marriage.

Talking to our kids about sex is important . But more importantly we must figure out sex for ourselves. We cannot talk to our kids about how awesome sex is within marriage, if it is not awesome for us.