God created women with amazing minds and bodies that can learn how to respond sexually in countless ways. To work towards having an orgasm during intercourse, we need to become more flexible in how and what we respond to.
Learned Response
Just like playing different songs on the piano takes practice, so does responding sexually. If you practiced chop sticks an hour every day for a year, you would get very good at chop sticks, but you would struggle to play any other song. To play piano well you must practice different scales, different songs and at different tempos. Eventually piano players can become so proficient that they no longer depend on the music, but can play freely from memory, or ear.
Orgasm is a learned response to what our body finds enjoyable. The first time we experience something, our body may not recognize it as something that enjoyable. As we anticipate good things and we build positive experiences, our body responds accordingly.
Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her Kegels and Talk about What?
One of the most interesting secular books that I have read on having an orgasm during intercourse is “How to have an orgasm…as often as you want.” By Rachel Swift. She develops a program of training her body to become more flexible in its response by practicing different simulations, different positions, and different locations with the goal to eventually respond to the stimulation of intercourse. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her program, but I think that she has some really valid points about how trainable our bodies are. So let’s look at this whole concept of training our bodies.
Practice Often
Just like playing the piano, you must practice and practice often. If you are only having sex once a week, then you are basically starting over every week – nervous, anxious and wondering how you will respond. When you have sex often (my definition of sex is broad – not just intercourse), your mind can relax and your body begins to recognize places that it likes to go. If you are going to make progress towards becoming more responsive, then you need to have sex often.
Expand our Flexibility
In order to expand our flexibility we need to train our bodies to enjoy new sensations. If you are used to manual stimulation a certain way, then change it up. Try a different motion or pace. Try indirect touch instead of direct touch. Have him touch you through your clothes or with the palm of his hand instead of his fingers. Use a soft object or his penis to touch you. Most likely you will not reach orgasm the first few times, but pay attention to what starts to become enjoyable and keep practicing until you get there. Thank God for every new sensation that you experience and enjoy the journey as God opens up new pathways to orgasm.
Different Positions
So much of intercourse is related to the positions that we use. To move towards having an orgasm during intercourse, practice manual or oral stimulation in different positions. Can you orgasm kneeling as if you were straddling your husband? Can you orgasm on your side, when you are spooning? Can you orgasm standing up? Learn what it takes to respond in these positions.
Quick Response
Sometimes I think I hold off orgasm simply because I want to enjoy sex longer. But could I train my body to respond quickly if I wanted to? What if I knew that I only had a couple of minutes before we would be interrupted? Would my body kick into gear? It is worth thinking about, and practicing, and maybe even playing out some scenarios to test the theory. Maybe we have more control over our orgasms than we think?
Training our body can sound so mechanical, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember that one of the reasons God created sex is so that we might know each other. When you are stretching yourself to enjoy new things, aren’t you also getting to know each other in new ways?
Enjoy the journey of learning new things together and you might discover that it is just as enjoyable as the desired destination.
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I am aware of a 2010 study of American women found that trouble reaching orgasm is the most common sexual complaint in women, with 54 percent of 18- to 30-year-olds reporting this problem. We discovered my orgasms through sessions of primarily cunnilinous during foreplay followed by intercourse with an emphasis on the angle of penetration to reach different spots of the vaginal wall.
We learned to position ourselves to heighten the intensity during intercourse. There is a debate about whether the G-spot exists, where it is, if it’s a separate set of nerve endings from the clitoris, etc, but regardless, incredible intensity can be felt through the right angle of penetration. So what are some ways to find the right angle/spot?
For us, the easiest position is with missionary. I tuck a pillow under the my bottom so that my pelvis is tilted slightly upward. Often I will hook my legs over his shoulders, since I am pretty flexible. Doing these things helps ensure that the front wall of my vagina is being targeted with each thrust. Another good way to try for different angles is with cowgirl, where I am able to roll my hips forward and back, not up and down. While I am moving back and forth, I am able to lean my whole torso back so my husband can hold my hands to anchor me. This lean ensures I receive pressure from penetration. This approach can be incorporated into face-to-face sitting position.
Managing female libido is a delicate balancing act, we get distracted and put off easily, or put another way, men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to want sex.
Patti,
Thanks for commenting. From the articles you describe, it sounds like you are targeting and enjoying G-spot stimulation. The other position that is typically good for G-spot stimulation is rear entry on all fours. You can change your angle to find the right spot. Also, during missionary, you can have your husband more upright on his knees and it will hit the G-spot. One of the articles coming in the next couple of weeks will talk about different paths to orgasm during intercourse, and another will relate different positions depending on what path you are going for.
As far as the female libido, that is a whole topic in itself. While we may never have a drive like a man, I do believe that if we are having sex on a very regular basis, and truly connecting with our husbands, we can get to the point where we crave the connection that sex provides. I hope to write an article on this one soon. You might want to check out this article ,Grid Lock, if you have not read it yet.
I am aware of a 2010 study of American women found that trouble reaching orgasm is the most common sexual complaint, with 54 percent of 18- to 30-year-olds reporting this problem.
We discovered my vaginal orgasms after sessions of primarily cunnilinous during foreplay followed by intercourse with an emphasis on the angle of penetration to reach different spots of my vaginal wall. We learned to position ourselves to heighten the intensity during intercourse. There is a debate about whether the G-spot exists, where it is, if it’s a separate set of nerve endings from the clitoris, etc, but regardless, incredible intensity can be felt from just the right angle of penetration. So what are some ways to find the right angle/spot?
For us, the easiest position is with missionary. I tuck a pillow under the my bottom so that my pelvis is tilted slightly upward. Often I will hook my legs over his shoulders, since I am pretty flexible. If I am feeling exuberant, sometimes I will hook my feet on the headboard behind me. This approach helps ensure that the front wall of my vagina is being targeted with each thrust. Another good way to try for different angles is with cowgirl, where I am able to roll my hips forward and back, not up and down. While I am moving back and forth, I am able to lean my whole torso back so my husband can hold my hands to anchor me. This lean can also be incorporated into other face-to-face sitting positions. It has been trial and error for us over three decades of marriage.
Managing female libido is a delicate balancing act, we get distracted and put off easily, or put another way, men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to want sex.