10 Ways to Prepare Before You Confess Porn

I have never had to hear my husband confess a porn habit, but I have sat with plenty of wives who did. Though I am encouraged by the ministries pouring into men to help them gain freedom, I wish they did more to prepare husbands for the moment of disclosure with their wife. What advice could help a husband so he could support his wife as she begins her journey into healing?

If a husband was ready to take the next big step of repentance and disclosure with his wife, I would say?


Protect Your Kids From Porn Start Talking About Sex

Recently I watched a preview of a video called Over 18 created to kick-start important conversations about pornography. In the video, they interview a 13-year-old recovering porn addict who found porn at the age of 9. Homeschooled and raised by involved parents, this young boy discovered and viewed porn while working on homework in the same room as his mom. Thankfully, one day his mother uncovered his search history on his computer. After multiple attempts at filters and other methods to safeguard him, the only way to help their son get clean was to cut off all internet service to the house. We are in a battle to protect our kids from the impact of porn and we must equip ourselves to help.


Do We Want to Know, Even About Pornography?

I had just finished talking about pornography in class when I thought to pause and simply ask, “Does anyone have something to add?” Some of the best teaching in class comes from other women sharing their own experiences.

Just as I was ready to move on, Emily quietly filled the silence.

“We went through this…”


Helping Your Husband Battle Pornography

I am going to be perfectly frank with you, my husband has never struggled with pornography and I have never experienced the pain of betrayal. But because I teach Awaken-Love, I have walked beside a lot of women that have. It breaks my heart to see the pain that pornography causes for these women, but it also breaks my heart to see how pornography has impacted their husband.

God keeps calling me to speak into this arena, I don’t know why.  Maybe it is because I haven’t been personally impacted and so I have a different perspective.  Is it possible that what might be most helpful for a wife to do to help her husband battle pornography is the exact opposite of what every fiber in her body is telling her to do? Read more about How to Create a Safe Place for Your Husband to Share about Porn.


Create a safe place for your husband to share about Porn

I know this is a crazy idea, but in marriage I think we are supposed to battle pornography together.What we have been doing does not work – men shuffling off to their secret accountability group. Pornography impacts the marriage, whether both spouses know about it or not. When we get married, we vow, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” If my husband is battling something, then I want to battle with him. I want to hold him up, encourage him, speak truth to him, and be there even when he slides backward. The idea that a husband protects his wife by not telling her the truth is a lie. A strong husband has the courage to share everything with his wife – even his brokenness – and he has the courage to help both of them go after their own healing and wholeness.

The couples that I know making real progress battling pornography are battling side by side.


PORN – What’s a Parent to Do?

When I was in second grade, my best friend showed me her dad’s giant stash of Playboy magazines neatly stacked on the garage shelf. She gingerly pulled a couple of issues down to sneak into her bedroom for closer examination. We crawled onto her bed, giggling and laughing as we turned each page with Chuck Berry’s  My Ding-A-Ling playing in the background.

Forty years later, after discovering Christian sex blogs that opened my eyes, I went exploring for information about a specific response using my trusted friend GOOGLE. Several videos immediately popped up to answer my questions and offer multiple gateways into the world of porn. Each click enticed me to watch more, until I finally had to slam my laptop shut in a tangle of feelings.

The world has drastically changed in 40 years.

Actually, the world has drastically changed in 10 years.

Porn has changed from sleek posed photos,to live streaming video that changes at the click of a mouse, to a portable screen available every moment of the day. It is a common occurrence for kids to use their phone to view porn on their bus ride home, regardless of whether they attend secular or Christian schools.

Preventing our kids from viewing porn is no longer a realistic goal.

We must seek to minimize the damage resulting from porn exposure.


Good Pictures Bad Pictures -Talking Kids About Pornography

In every single class I teach, there are at least a few women who are painfully aware of the importance of talking to their kids about pornography. They are women married to great guys that love the lord – men you know from small group, who volunteer in Sunday school, help lead worship or coach your kid’s baseball team – and that were impacted by porn. These men anticipated their wedding night as a fresh start of fulfilling every longing– but life wasn’t so simple. These men grew up when porn exploded on the internet before society had any idea what impact it would have. Back then, nobody knew the power of instant variety at the click of a mouse.

These men were raised like their parents were raised.

With messages of –

  • Don’t ask about sex.
  • A forced awkward talk about how babies are made
  • Boys will be boys so just ignore it.
  • Girls surely won’t enjoy it.

And young boys and girls fell into a world of screens that enticed and pulled them deeper and deeper into silence. Nobody knew it was going on – or they just thought it would pass – like previous generations of kids sneaking a look at a magazine. But this was no magazine and it wasn’t a worn-out copy of a VHS tape, this was the world of internet porn. A world where every click promised satisfaction but left you feeling hungrier then you started.


PART OF THE SOLUTION – Battling Pornography

God has continued to prompt me to do something – anything – about pornography. What this next generation – my daughters generation – faces is like nothing we have ever seen before. The advent of smart phones and the endless supply of twisted material available to younger and younger kids can warp a child’s sense of sex and intimacy before they are even old enough to date. Wives are left feeling betrayed, and unable to measure up.  Husband struggle to regain control over their lives. Some wives give up and decide to join in.  They look to porn to add excitement to their sex life rather than intimately reveal their own desires.

So I keep knocking on the door of my pastors.

What are we going to do?

Do you realize how big this problem is and how big it is going to be?

How can we extend grace and mercy to those in bondage?

How can we support the wives that feel completely alone?

Porn impacts all of us. It affects our daughters, our sons, our grandchildren and our friends. Porn changes the fabric of our society and how we view this awesome gift of sex. It changes how men view and treat women. Porn will not just go away and no one else will fix it. We must all be part of the solution….