The Importance of Being Selfish During Sex

Recently I read Love Worth Making by sex therapist Stephen Snyder. Rather than focusing on the physical aspect of of getting enough blood pumping to create orgasm, he focuses on the interplay of relationship dynamics and their impact on sexual satisfaction. An area of sexuality hard to measure or even study in the laboratory most women intuitively understand its importance. For us, the majority of excitement comes from our mind – how we feel about ourselves, how connected we are to our spouse and what we believe about sex. A key concept Snyder addresses is the importance of being selfish during sex.

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Fun Locations for Sex in the Summer

Summer is a great time to have sex in new fun locations. Things just feel lighter and more relaxing. Go a little crazy and look for opportunities to create some amazing memories.

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Get Outside and Have Some Fun

I love the long days of summer to get outside and enjoy God’s creation. To get out from behind my computer, phone or the tv and just enjoy nature. To move beyond the sterile smells of my house to smell the lilies awakens my soul.

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Spend Time Skin to Skin

Happy Fourth of July. Enjoy some fun posts the next several weeks filled with ideas of how to enjoy your summer.

I love summer. Warm days when temperatures rise and covers disappear. A slower pace when families gather and reminisce. Long days when opportunities abound for a new adventure. Take advantage of summer to create some amazing memories. Summer is a great time to create skin to skin connection. To get naked and simply create connection through touch. Take advantage of the warm temperatures and look for opportunities to have some fun.

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Four Practical Ideas to Demystify Romance

Romance. That dreaded word so many men hate. Gestures met with disregard from a wife feel like a huge letdown. Plans changed or tweaked communicate it’s never good enough. Unmet expectations that culminate in hurt feelings create paralyzing pressure. Trying to figure out romance feels like an opportunity for failure.  So why even try?

But the word romance simply means to pursue. To tell our spouse by our words or actions, “ I care about you” or “I want you.” To not take them for granted but to continue wooing them. As our relationship matures, we become more in tune to their desires and what gives them a thrill. Romance communicates how well we know our spouse.

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A Slight Detour – And Finding Fun

Last week my husband and I took an unexpected detour. In the past, before I had learned how little control I have over life, I might have been upset at my husband when our plans changed. But I have grown to realize we have little control and when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

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Shifting from Sex After…. to Sex Before

For most of my marriage I treated sex as something that happened AfterAfter a long day of completing my “to do” list. After the kids were asleep or company left. Making love after a great date with my husband. After the party was over or my project done. After Jim and I talked through our disagreement…. But changing my mindset to consider sex as something to indulge in before has both benefited me personally, and my marriage.

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Deafening Silence – Adding a Little Excitement

Sometimes all you need to create a little excitement is to change the pace. The other night my husband and I went to bed early while two of our grown daughters watched TV down stairs. As most of you know, I am all about creating connection by using words during sex, but this night we changed things up by creating excitement through silence.

With the twinkle lights dimly lighting the room I started my move. The moment my husband tried to say anything, I quickly shushed him. Not quite sure what was going on, my husband tried again and without using any words, I quietly urged him, “Shhhh”. While he laid back contemplating what happened to his wife, I tuned into to the touch of his skin. As the mystery of the night built I softly touched my finger to his lips, looked into his eyes and reminded him one more time. The silence was almost deafening as he recognized with sudden realization what the evening held.

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Creative Beyond Our Wildest Imagination

I often hear from women, “I have no idea what it would mean to be creative during sex”. And it saddens me because God made us in his image – creative beyond our wildest imagination. Think about the variety even when he created bugs. From cute polka dot lady bugs, to skinny praying mantis’ to rainbow colored harlequin bugs. God kind of went wild when it came to creation, and we have the same capacity.

The other night I had this crazy dream. My husband and I were driving in a convertible and I started noticing the street lamps. Each one was unique and made up of huge recycled machinery parts. All of a sudden everything changed, as if we went from regular life to a theme park. Elaborate structures and details filled my mind as our car suddenly became part of an amusement park ride.

When I woke up, I thought,” Whoa, what was that?” So much creativity, who comes up with that stuff?

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Twinkle Lights – Shifting the Atmosphere

The other day my husband and I were out on a date with another couple lamenting about the dreary winter weather. My friend said, “I really just need some twinkle lights to cheer me up.” What she probably said in jest, was actually an opportunity for her husband.

I tried to help him out, by jumping in, “Yes, twinkle lights for sure! That would help!” “Seriously you definitely need twinkle lights.” Wink, wink.

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