The question came from a husband that was honest enough to admit purity was a struggle but
desired to honor and love his wife by arming for the battle.
The world tells us that you can have sex with as many people as you want and it doesn’t matter. Sex is just a physical pleasure that is to be consumed until it loses excitement and then you move on to the next conquest. If you do get married, then looking at others or using them in your mind to provide arousal is no big deal. And pornography tells us if sex with one person doesn’t do it for you, then why not try a threesome? You can find articles detailing ground rules and ideas on how to find the third party. And if a threesome… why not a foursome, fivesome – or a free for all. All messages that convey, “Why Only One?”
So beyond the obvious answer of God designed marriage to be one man and one woman, “Why Only One?”
Because God is good.
Ultimately whatever rules God gives us to live by exist because they are in our best interest. They not only keep us safe from the natural consequences of sin, but they lead to a life filled with intimate relationship, abundance and freedom.
“Only One” Protects Us
“Only One” keeps us free from STD’s. It ensures children brought into the world will know both parents. “Only One” prevents comparisons about past partners that will haunt us.
“Only One” protects our souls and our bodies from the consumerism of sex. Use it, take what you can, and then move on. When it has lost its shine, just replace it – because its cheap. We are no longer God’s son or daughter –uniquely created exactly the way He wants us. We are Barbie or Ken Dolls bought for a few days of play and then forgotten in an overflowing toy box.
“Only One” prevents us from building walls of protection when vulnerability leads to wounds. When we go from partner to partner, we become scarred over and over. Pretty soon we are so insulated that we no longer feel pain, joy, or ecstasy. We just exist. We walk around like zombies, no longer living and feeling.
“Only One” Helps Me Feel Secure
“Only One” leads us to a life filled with intimate relationships, with God, our spouse, our kids and even with friends. We are made in God’s image, craving relationship, hating adultery, and desiring that someone fully know us. The first commandment says, “You shall have no other God before me.” He made us for one. One with Him, and one with our spouse.
Because I am the “Only One” for my husband – in his heart, in his mind, in his eyes – I am able to open up to my husband. I share my body with my husband and know he loves every curve of my body, every crevice, every taste, every smell. When I battle believing him, his actions back up what he says. I don’t wonder what else he has seen or pictures in his mind. He believes I am worth way more than any cheap image or enticement.
“Only One” Enables Deep Knowing
Because I am the “Only One” for my husband, we are getting to know each other more than I ever imagined. He is beginning to trust that he can share his feelings with me. During sex, he can ask for what he wants, express what he enjoys. We have an easiness that comes with years of hanging out skin to skin.
Because I am the “Only One” for my husband, he knows when and how to pray over me. He sees me as an entire being – physical, spiritual, emotional. He can tell when I am feeling beaten down or insecure, or just stressed out. Sometimes he knows me more than I know myself.
“Only One” Helps Me Be Me
Because I am the “Only One” for my husband, I don’t have to compete. I don’t have to try to stay shiny and new, or put on some mask to look like what I think he wants. Rather, I get to simply be the unique woman that God created me to be. I walk in confidence, unafraid, secure that God does not make junk.
Because I am the “Only One” for my husband, I am taking down walls, rather than putting them up. One by one, I am sharing with my husband things from my past that have wounded me and caused me to shrink into the background. I am getting naked over and over with him and sharing those wounded parts of my soul as we pray and ask for God’s healing and fullness in my life. And as I take down my walls, I feel more – I cry more, I love more, I live more.
God created us to live – fully known, completely naked and unashamed and in deep intimate relationship – because He made us in His image. We can only do this when He alone is our God – and we can only do this in marriage when there is “Only One.”
The Author
Love your site and your blog. (and not proposing sex outside of marriage at all) But out of curiosity, have to ask, what about cultures where multiple wives are the norm. (Now the new testament does restrict a pastor from having more than one wife, but places no such restriction on the lay Christian) Many of God servants (Moses, Abraham, David, etc…) has more than one wife. God specifically said that HE gave David his wives (when rebuking him over Bathsheba) Now I am not suggesting that the average baptist or methodist here in America go out and become polygamous, (I have a hard enough time keeping one woman happy) I ask this specifically about conversions to the faith outside of this country. In the Muslim faith, you are allowed to have up to four wives. What happens when that family converts to Christianity? Really not trying to start an argument here, just encouraging us to not put our middle-class American filter on what we propose to be dogma. What do you think?
Jack
I think there is a huge difference between what is God’s design and what happens culturally or what God allows. God uses people that are broken – including David, Moses, Abraham, Solomon and even you and me. We are all on a journey of becoming more Christ-like. I think He cares more about our relationship with Him than the rules – just like with David. If marriage is supposed to mirror the intimate relationship that we have with God then it is to be one man and one woman.
As far as converts from other faiths or cultures that already have multiple wives…. life is not always simple. I have this friend that does a lot of ministry with Christians that are coming out of non-traditional lives, but love the lord. When something comes up that does not have a easy solution, she simply prays with them, “God, we don’t know what the answer is, but we are asking that you provide the answer.” Time after time, God has shown up.
Scripture is an accurate reporter. One of the ways I know that I can trust scripture is because it tells me the good things that my heroes did, along with the bad. Everytime we see multiple wives in Scripture, it doesn’t end well. Jealousy, fighting, insecurity, one-upmanship, even idolatry, the list goes on. The narrative in Genesis, repeated in the New Testament by Jesus himself, is one man, one wife, one lifetime. It’s almost as if God knows what’s best for us, but knows that we will be curious and wants to show us what could happen if we satisfy those desires with two wives.
For starters, sorry for all the typos in my first comment. My brain moves faster than my fingers sometimes. I’ve got some friends who are Christians and in a polygamous marriage. It is certainly not without it’s challenges. (especially in our American culture) but I do see some benefits as well (more so for the wives, companionship, extra help around the house, etc…) One time I asked them, “how do you do deal with the jealousy and occasional arguments?” The husband replied without missing a beat. “Mostly, I hide out in my workshop.” 😛
Again, I don’t think it is necessarily God’s original design, or His best plan. But I do like to make sure that I am not interpreting scripture based on our current culture, whatever that may be. God’s word was here long before we were here, and if Jesus tarries, will be around long after we are dead and buried. I believe that it is unchanging, and pertinent to every age and generation.