The Challenges of Seeing Sex as Refreshment

I remember when we had young kids and feeling so exhausted that the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. Sex felt like one more thing on my to do list. It was one more thing that would suck my energy dry, something else to give. The last thing I expected from sex was refreshment.

Yet there were times when my husband would be so patient and would gently take me to that place. Afterwards I thought to myself, “Boy, did I need that.” Somewhere, deep down, I knew that sex was a good thing. That it would refresh me and that it was for me too. But this truth was buried deep beneath a pile of lies.

As I have been preparing to share with the young moms in MOPS, I have been thinking about what might have contributed to the lies that I believed about sex.

Self Preservation

From the time girls are young, we are taught to protect ourselves in order to remain pure. Boys have no self-control, so we have to be the gatekeeper. Boys will push and plead and they will take what they can. Protect yourself. They want to take from you.

The world is filled with examples of women that are taken from – women that are abused, women that are raped, and women that are taken advantage of when they are in a vulnerable state. Even the simple act of men ogling women’s bodies can make you feel like a piece of meat, something to be devoured if you don’t protect yourself.

Duty Sex

As wives, we are told we need to have sex with our husband, or he might stray. We must provide release for him every 72 hours, or he will struggle to remain pure, and may turn to porn or fantasizing. We must meet the needs of our husband. Have sex for your husband.

Where do we hear how important sex is for wives?

Where do we hear that sex with our husband will fill us? Or that sex might be a great way to ease the tension and stress from a long day with the kids? Do we hear that sex can be a salve in the midst of disagreement? Where do we hear that an evening of exploring each other’s bodies is  better entertainment than any movie?

Ladies, we need to begin to recognize the wrong messages we have allowed into our marriage bed – messages about men, and messages about sex. We are married now, and your husband loves you. He may not be trying to take something from you. He may be trying to love you, and to refresh you.

Song of Songs 1:2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine

Could his lips be better than wine after a long day? Could his lips remove the stress from your tense body?

Song of Songs 1:13-14

¹³ My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    resting between my breasts.
¹⁴ My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    from the vineyards of En Gedi.

An Oasis

En Gedi is an oasis in the middle of a rocky desert. Could your marriage be an oasis? Could sex connect you to your husband and disconnect you from the struggles of this world. This world may be filled with hurt, but God desires that you create an oasis in your home, in your marriage, and in your bedroom.

Ladies, do you believe that sex can refresh you? What lies have you believed about sex or about your husband? What truth do you now know?

Originally Posted as Refreshment on Feb 8, 2015