“Does anyone else here feel angry!”
It wasn’t the first time a woman had said this during an Awaken-Love class. A righteous anger boiled up as she realized how God’s gift of sex had been distorted. That same distortion had impacted not only others, but her own marriage bed. A righteous anger that I pray fuels the power for change – not just for herself but for others.
Messages About Sex
We had just finished sharing how we learned about sex as kids. Women were aghast as they realized how few good messages they received. People with the greatest influence in our lives, parents, pastors and extended family, shared few positive messages about sex. “No wonder we struggle so much with sex” we thought to ourselves.
Most of the women heard nothing from their parents. A few had received an awkward talk consisting of their mom detailing how to make a baby. Some of the women had a book set into their hands or magically appear on the nightstand. The delivery was followed by silence, or “do you have any questions?” To which they quickly answered, “uh, no.” Most of us learned about sex from movies, friends on the bus, or boyfriends.
Only one woman in the room shared that her mom comfortably talked to her about sex. Her entire life she knew she could ask her mom any question about her body, sex, or boys. She was the same woman that confided the first night, “I actually really enjoy sex and want it as often as my husband.”
I don’t blame our families. They did not try to lead us astray or make sex hard. They were simply passing on what their parents taught them. Without internet access or Amazon, I can imagine the challenges of accessing good information about sex. The couple of times I browsed sex books in a bookstore took just about all the courage I could muster. Parents simply did the best they could.
The church has not fared much better talking about sex. Most of us heard loud and clear, “don’t do it” before marriage. Few women heard about sex as something to look forward with in marriage. Rather we were told, “Sex is really important for your husband.” Not one woman remembered a sermon based on Song of Songs. Combined with the silence surrounding the topic, women received few positive messages about sex from church.
Addressing sex in church is no simple issue. Considering our different backgrounds and ages, Pastors are pretty much assured someone will take offense. Few Pastors are knowledgeable or comfortable handling the topic of sex. They risk sharing too much information or not enough. It is not as simple as saying, “the church needs to talk about sex.” The question is how?
But as my friend exclaimed, “Is anyone else here angry?” my immediate thought was,
“We have the power to change things!”
What if we all grew up in a family like the woman who had a positive message about sex and knew she could always talk to her mom?
I don’t know about you, but reading Christian sex blogs had a profound impact on my marriage. When I discovered Christian Nymphos it rocked my world. Reading articles and sex books was the impetus for huge changes in my marriage bed. But my knowledge did not help anyone else, it only helped me.
If we want to take back sex from the world, then we have to start talking about it.
We have to start telling our kids that sex in marriage is something to look forward to. We have to explain how sex glues our marriage together and that we comfort and refresh each other through sex. If we want to strengthen the marriages of friends, we have to share what a difference sex makes to our marriage. If we want to protect the next generation from the ravages of porn then we have to create an safe environment to share their struggle. Our daughters, and our friends need to know that we serve a God that can heal us from sexual sin and that He can redeem it. Maybe our pastor isn’t supposed to talk about sex. We are.
Resources to Learn to Talk about Sex
Today we have resources available at our fingertips to create positive change for the next generation. One or my favorite books is Talking to Your Kids About Sex: How to Have a Lifetime of Age-Appropriate Conversations with Your Children About Healthy Sexuality, by Mark Laaser. It is filled with age appropriate examples of embracing opportunities to speak truth about sex. My husband and I got comfortable talking about sex by reading the book Sheet Music by Kevin Leman out loud to each other. You can also check out a few of my articles like Your Kids are Watching You, or Tips for Conversations with Your Kids. A great online resource to help you navigate raising kids in a world filled with porn is Protect Young Eyes. But we have to start talking.
If you can’t imagine talking about sex, take an Awaken-Love class to get comfortable. You will be guided with respectful teaching and instructed on how to create a safe environment. Sharing will focus on your own journey, not disclosing details about your marriage bed or your husband. Learn what the Bible really says about sex.
If you don’t live in an area where live classes are offered, we have made it easier than ever to lead a Video class with our Step by Step Guide. All you need is a private location to view the videos, $20 to sign yourself up, and six dates for class. Afterward, you can pray about who should invite and trust that God will bring the right women.