My Husband Wants to Finish Where?

Where a husband wants to finish during oral or manual sex can stir up a land mine of emotions for wives. Some women love the passion of experiencing their husband in new ways.  Others hold fear, disgust, discomfort or reservation about opening up options. Navigating the topic of where your husband finishes requires care, sensitivity, open communication, honesty, and trust. Whether or not your husband has broached the topic, I have a few ideas that might provide clarity.


Porn has done much to confuse us about the motivation of our husbands. Because we know that porn depicts men degrading women, we can suspect our husband wanting to do the same. Porn can make oral sex seem like an act of self-gratification instead of intimate love making. If our husband has seen porn, we wonder about his motivation. Does he long to connect and share himself or is he trying to recreate a scene from porn.

Even our spouse repeatedly sharing unrealistic expectations of what sex should look like can feel unloving and selfish. God never intended that we pressure each other into certain acts. Sex should be an expression of our love for each other and of sharing ourselves – not a guilt trip. Growth takes time and adding pressure does not help.

Motivation matters. God intended that we get to know each other though sex, not imitate what we have seen. But if we exclude everything we see in porn, we would have nothing left.

Understanding Motivation

Honest conversation can help shed light on motivation. Answers like, “If you loved me you would…”, carry manipulation. But what if your husband told you, “I feel so loved when you…”, or “I love to watch because it helps me stay connected to you”, or “knowing that you love all of my body, not only makes me feel loved, but gives me courage to be more vulnerable.”   Take time to ask for a deeper understanding and don’t just make assumptions about your husband’s motivation.

Ultimately, I believe that sex is about loving and respecting each other.  If something feels disrespectful or degrading, then don’t do it. Forcing yourself to do something you detest will only lead to more disconnection, bitterness, and ultimately teach you to hate sex.

But if your husband has pure motivations about where he wants to finish, then pray and consider the validity and vulnerability of sharing his desire with you. Share with him  your desire to grow, ask for patience in the journey and commit to small steps of growth.

Our Baggage

Though our husbands feel quite comfortable with every part of their bodies – including their semen – most wives are not. Many of us still view our own vulva and natural juices with disgust. So why wouldn’t we view our husband’s body through the same lens.

But God created your husband’s body. He created his penis, the wrinkled sack that holds his testicles, and even the semen that courses through his body. While we might think it strange when they strut their stuff, maybe husbands aren’t the ones that need to grow – we are.

How much shame do we still hold around the topic of sex when we grimace in disgust at the view of our own sexual part? If we want to experience God’s freedom during sex, maybe we need to first appreciate the amazing bodies that God gave us, and then learn to embrace our husband’s.

Take steps to embrace your own body, by looking at your vulva, or even tasting yourself.


Sometimes resistance to certain acts simply comes from unfamiliarity. If you want to grow in comfort, then move at your own pace. You want to create positive experiences that will build to create more positive experiences. Take baby steps toward your goal and don’t move forward until you can relax and really enjoy what your are doing.

Much like learning to love a new food requires repeated exposures by seeing, smelling, feeling, and tasting, learning to love oral sex may require the same. Forcing a child to eat can repel them to the point of gagging. But consistent playful, low pressure exposures to many different foods can lead to not only a large repertoire of foods, but to confidence in trying new things.

So for example,  he wants to finish in your mouth, some baby steps might be…

  • Learn to enjoy just looking at and touching his penis
  • Spend time just licking  and exploring his penis with your mouth
  • Learn to enjoy giving him oral sex without him finishing. I mean really enjoy it – not just do it. There are lots of things to learn about him, but also be aware of how you feel. Are you getting tense, is your jaw tired, do you feel resentful? Are you worried about whether he is enjoying it? Do you have the freedom to show him new experiences? Does it get you excited?
  • Get comfortable with his semen. Finish him with your hand. Feel the warmth. Does it gross you out or repel you? Notice the warmth, the texture, how it smells. Gently clean him up with a tissue or towel afterwards.
  • Taste his semen after he finishes on your hand. Just a small lick without having to swallow. How is it? Try this as many times as you want.
  • Some women then move to letting him finish in their mouth without swallowing. Others learn that placement of his penis towards the back of the mouth can ease swallowing. Some just easily transition to loving swallowing.

But keep this in mind… If you want to learn something new, then you need to practice on a regular basis – not once a month as a special gift. When you want it for yourself, then you will commit the time. What a thrill when you get to the place where you love it as much as he does and his excitement builds your excitement.


In order to build trust in how your husband will finish, you most likely will need to have conversations outside of the bedroom. Although it might not feel very romantic, knowing that your husband will respect your wishes builds trust. You need to know that he can control himself for your sake and that he cares more about you than a certain act.

A respectful husband will follow your lead and wait for your invitation. But be prepared, how you feel about something might change in the heat of the moment. Passion tends to invite unfiltered expressions that fuel more excitement. If you want your respectful husband to enter into that domain, you will need to invite him in.


Planning doesn’t build a lot of passion, and neither does your husband constantly having to follow your lead. Once you’re comfortable with different acts and established trust, you may decide to set your husband loose. To tell him, “I trust you implicitly during sex and I know without a doubt that you would never try to degrade me, or hurt me. I want you to have the freedom to do what you want. Your excitement fuels my excitement.”

After constantly monitoring your comfort level, it might take time for your husband to believe that you want to set him free during sex, and he might not even remember how. If he spent years denying himself in consideration of you, learning how to listen to his body will take practice. Be patient and encouraging as both of you continue on a journey of the deepest kind of knowing.

Final Thought

Handing over the reins to let your husband finish where he wants is a journey of growth. It requires deep trust, confidence and vulnerability. But handing over the reins is a necessary step in creating the passionate marriage you want.

After all, watching our spouse get overcome by desire is one of the most intimate things they share. When watching our spouse let go, builds our own excitement, then we understand the verse 1 Cor 7:4, The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Denying themselves is yielding to their wife, but so is letting go, when it undoes us.

5 Ideas to Add Variety to Oral Sex for Your Husband

Women tend to think about stimulation for their husband in terms of in and out movement. A hand or mouth that encompasses the shaft, sliding up and down from the base of the penis, across the ridge to the head, and then back again. It is the typical motion that most men use to create pleasure themselves. Though highly pleasurable and efficient, I want to share some ideas to mix things up a bit, extend pleasure, and add variety to oral sex for your husband.


Tips to Help Wives Enjoy Receiving Oral Sex

Many wives struggle in receiving oral sex. Some think oral sex is completely wrong and don’t want their husband to try. Others don’t have a moral objection, but just can’t seem to relax. If you aren’t sure,  find out what the Bible says. Pay attention to the context of passages about sexual immorality and you will find little written about limitations within marriage. Read Song of Song and get a taste for the freedom they experience. For women with an open mind, I have some tips to help wives enjoy receiving oral sex.


How to Make Oral Sex Luxurious for Your Wife

Oral Sex can be one of the most luxurious ways for a husband to love his wife. Far from the challenges of calloused hands, his mouth can tune into her body in some of the most intimate ways. Though I’ve written some other articles on how to love your wife with oral sex, I want to focus on ways a husband can really treat his wife. Ways to warm her up and tease her until her body gently tumbles over in pleasure.


Learning to Like Giving Your Husband Oral Sex

Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.

But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.


learning to like oral sex

How to Give Your Husband a Frenulum Orgasm

Ladies, to help you appreciate the attention your husband lavishes on your clitoris, try treating him to a frenulum orgasm. It is an orgasm that results from only stimulating the small area where the underside of his shaft meets the head of his penis. A frenulum orgasm will take patience, assurances from you and sensitivity to read his body. Rather than firm gripping him to the finish line you will need to use finesse and creativity to gradually coax him to pleasure. Not only will a frenulum orgasm blow his mind, but you will gain a new appreciation for the energy your husband invests in you during clitoral orgasms.


Oral Sex for Your Wife at The Edge of the Bed

Edge of the Bed is a great oral sex position for your wife and will provide a great view for you. The position provides great access to all areas of her body without putting a crick in your neck. While your mouth and tongue work their magic, take advantage or using your hands. You can explore her breasts, stroke her thighs, or even engage her G-Spot. Change things up and check out a new way to treat your wife.

The Plan

On a night that she feels confident enough to let you treat her, warm the room and set up soft lighting in anticipation of a great view. Warm her up through gentle touching, kissing and connecting with her eye to eye. Cover her body and let her know that you’re in charge and you’ve got a treat for her.

As she lays on her back, gently slide her towards the edge of the bed until her butt sits right at the edge. Grab some pillows for under your knees and make yourself comfortable. She can support her feet on the side board of the bed, rest them on you,  or pull up her knees. Don’t forget my guide on oral sex , for more details and ideas. Take your time. Don’t forget to balance movement with stillness to allow her body to awaken and ache. As she engages more, you engage more. Stay in tune to where she is, and every once in a while, enjoy the view. Try using the Edge of the Bed.


Sliding Down – Nurturing Your Husband With Oral Sex

Sliding Down is a great position to treat your husband to oral sex. While both of you relax, you can nurture him and create an amazing show.

Getting Into Position

With both of you lying face to face on your sides, start working your way down his body.  Kiss his neck, his chest, his navel and slowly slide down until you have access to everything you want. Prop your head up with a pillow and enjoy this relaxing position to nurture your man.

While he enjoys the view, his hands can run through your hair or over your breasts. Curling your body around his legs creates lots of skin to skin contact. One hand can firmly pull down his penis to present the full show while the other embraces his legs or testicles. You can maintain control and decide when you want to take him over the edge. Encourage him to just relax and when you’re ready add your hand to the mix and let him really feel you. Or with established trust and comfort, you can encourage him to let loose to drive to the finish line while you lay back and feel his strength and pleasure.

Don’t miss this great position that contrasts total relaxation with full on stimulation.

The Challenges of Enjoying Oral Sex

Oral sex can be one of the sweetest ways for your husband to pleasure you but it has it’s own challenges.

Song of Songs 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come south wind!

Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad.

Let my love come into his garden and taste its choice fruits


One of the most intimate ways you can allow your husband to “know you”, is through oral sex. Your husband will see, feel, and even taste you in ways that he has never experienced before.  If you surrender and allow yourself to just receive from you husband, you will experience some of the most delicious orgasms possible.


Is Giving Oral Sex to Your Husband Arousing for You?

Men love oral sex but I think their enjoyment is amplified multiple times when we enjoy it too – and I don’t just mean because we like to give them oral sex. I mean we enjoy it – like it turns us on and it arouses us. When we can orgasm while giving them oral sex – well that might just be one of their ultimate enjoyments.  So how do we get to the place that we not only love giving oral sex, but that we find giving oral sex arousing?

If you want ideas on giving your husband oral sex, then please take a look at my articles How to Drive Your Man Crazy, How to Love Your Husband with Oral Sex and His Amazing Body.

This article is going to focus on how to get aroused while giving your husband oral sex.