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intimacy

The Importance of Dreaming

This weekend I met a young mom at a craft fair selling beautiful pottery and we struck up a conversation. I shared that I also used to create things during naptime to help keep my sanity as a young mom. When I admitted that I don’t get down to the woodshop much anymore, she asked, “So what do you do now?”

Without missing a beat, my oldest daughter replied, “She’s writing a book.”

“What about?”, she asked.

In a split moment I had to discern, am I supposed to tell her what I really do?

“The book is going to be about sex. I actually teach sex classes to Christian Wives”, I quietly offered.

“That’s awesome!”, she said, “It is so needed! I would totally be interested in something like that. I’ve got to introduce you to my husband!”

As she enthusiastically shared with her husband what I do, I heard him quietly say, “I thought we were doing okay.”

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Trust – An Essential Ingredient to Great Sex

Trust seems like such a basic  ingredient for a great sex life and yet I am just starting to understand the depth of importance. Though basic trust in a marriage feels very similar for men and women, the challenges men and women face during sex vary drastically. The first step to create trust is an awareness and empathy for each other’s struggles. I want to share some specific ways that wives and husbands needs vary in regards to trust.

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Do We Want to Know, Even About Pornography?

I had just finished talking about pornography in class when I thought to pause and simply ask, “Does anyone have something to add?” Some of the best teaching in class comes from other women sharing their own experiences.

Just as I was ready to move on, Emily quietly filled the silence.

“We went through this…”

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Small Intentional Choices Create a Great Sex Life

Small things make a huge impact on my sex life. Intentional choices that don’t take a whole lot of time or energy. Simple things like paying attention to my bedroom, taking care of myself and cultivating connection, help keep sex on the front burner. Things that anyone can do.

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Battling Satan’s Lies with God’s Truth

We are in a battle. Satan loves to fill us with lies that render us impotent to growth in marriage, parenting or even ministry. He picks at the broken parts of our soul causing us to feel defective, unlovable and stuck. We either lash out trying to prove ourselves or retreat into hiding. But when we embrace God’s unconditional love, rather than striving to measure up, we can learn from past experiences, conflict or suffering. Instead of shrinking into isolation, shame and believing Satan’s lies, we choose to move forward in confidence. We have the courage to live fully known by sharing our  insecurities, failures, hopes and dreams. But Satan doesn’t stop coming at us with lies. He waits for just the right moment and then he’s right back at it, speaking the same old lies, and trying to make us doubt who we are.

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How to Give Your Husband a Great Hand Job

Every once in a while, a hand job can blow your husband’s mind. But a great hand job requires more than just good technique. It requires a certain attitude that says, “I’ve got you. I find your penis amazing and you turn me on!” When you have the right attitude and you understand some important basics, then the world is in your hands.

I’ve Got You

When you have the confidence to take charge, your husband can relax. You need to make it very clear to him, that it’s your turn to have some fun. Determine how he sits or lays so that he can enjoy the view. Place his hands above his head or at his sides to clearly communicate you’re in charge.

Wear something that teases and tantalizes him like a black lace bra. Entice him while just out of reach. Cover your hands with coconut oil and stroke his chest while moving toward his pelvis. Lube up his entire pelvic area and smoothly stoke his thighs and around the base of his penis to get the blood flowing. Make sure that he understands he gets to relax and enjoy the view.

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A New Strategy for Overcoming Gridlock

Women need to feel emotionally connected in order to enjoy sex.

Men need to have sex in order to feel emotionally connected.

It sounds like gridlock to me. Women can’t have sex until they talk, and men can’t talk until they have sex, so they just stop connecting. The gate is put up by the wife, the husband retreats feeling rejected and they spin away from each other. It’s like that age old question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” There is no right answer, there is only debate. We need a new strategy. 

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The Power of Righteous Anger

“Does anyone else here feel angry!”

It wasn’t the first time a woman had said this during an Awaken-Love class. A righteous anger boiled up as she realized how God’s gift of sex had been distorted. That same distortion had impacted not only others, but her own marriage bed. A righteous anger that I pray fuels the power for change – not just for herself but for others.

Messages About Sex

We had just finished sharing how we learned about sex as kids. Women were aghast as they realized how few good messages they received. People with the greatest influence in our lives, parents, pastors and extended family, shared few positive messages about sex. “No wonder we struggle so much with sex” we thought to ourselves.

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The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch

I often speak to young Moms about the importance of keeping sex alive even while raising kids.  It has been years since my 4 girls were babies, and much of it seems like a fog, but sex definitely was not at the top of my priority list. I have been thinking about what I wish I had done differently to navigate through baby land. One of my biggest mistakes was limiting non-sexual touch.

I remember spending long days at home chasing little kids, wiping noses, reading with a full lap of girls, and rocking babies to sleep. When my husband arrived home, the last thing I wanted was for him to touch me – especially if it might lead to sex.  And so I kept my distance from him. I didn’t linger with my kisses, I didn’t cuddle too long before I rolled away from him in bed, and I pushed him away.

Ultimately I wanted to protect my husband. I didn’t want to lead him on and later disappoint him. But limiting non-sexual touch, not only impacted my drive, but trained my husband to expect sex on the days that I allowed him to touch me. And his expectations for sex after non-sexual turned me off even more.  So the pattern began.

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A Christian App – Ultimate Intimacy

I am excited to review and recommend a Christian App called Ultimate Intimacy. My husband and I spent a weekend sampling the articles, discussing the conversation starters and testing out the game. The next morning I woke up to a note from my husband, “Let’s play it again tonight. I go first!” Let’s just say Ultimate Intimacy was a hit in my house.

Ultimate Intimacy was designed by two Christian couples to strengthen marriages, fight pornography addiction and reduce the divorce rate.  They believe that sex in marriage should be amazing for both the husband and the wife, and be incredibly bonding. They created the Ultimate Intimacy APP to be fun, respectful, easy to use and to treat sex as something sacred.

If you feel stuck in a rut, don’t know how to start creating intimacy in your marriage, or are looking for a fun  idea for your upcoming date night then check out the Ultimate Intimacy APP. The easy navigation toggles between a super fun Game, helpful Resources, Conversation Starters, respectful Positions (Androids Only for now) and Products to help turn up the heat.

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Buy the book

After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.

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Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.