Baggage Impacts Our Husband Too

As women, we can feel like everything about sex comes easily for our husband. How come our steely eyed husband can survive bad messages, straying into porn, or years of poor choices with no impact on their sex life? But the more I’ve taught men, and the more growth I’ve experienced in my own marriage, the more I’ve realized baggage does impact our husband. He may not readily admit or easily recognize baggage, but it’s there.

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Deafening Silence – Adding a Little Excitement

Sometimes all you need to create a little excitement is to change the pace. The other night my husband and I went to bed early while two of our grown daughters watched TV down stairs. As most of you know, I am all about creating connection by using words during sex, but this night we changed things up by creating excitement through silence.

With the twinkle lights dimly lighting the room I started my move. The moment my husband tried to say anything, I quickly shushed him. Not quite sure what was going on, my husband tried again and without using any words, I quietly urged him, “Shhhh”. While he laid back contemplating what happened to his wife, I tuned into to the touch of his skin. As the mystery of the night built I softly touched my finger to his lips, looked into his eyes and reminded him one more time. The silence was almost deafening as he recognized with sudden realization what the evening held.

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Creating Community at Awaken-Love

When I first found Christian sex blogs, I quickly realized that I learned as much from reading the comments as from the articles. The information authentically shared by individuals gave me a window into the struggles and triumphs of men and women just like me and my husband. But this window didn’t just inform me, it spurred me on towards growth. As I heard the testimonies of others I began to believe that God could change me too. Community creates growth, whether in person during an Awaken-Love class or anonymously on the Awaken-Love blog.

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The Beauty of Our Vulva

God created women with amazing bodies. Our vaginas stretch large enough to birth a baby and still shrink to hug our husband’s penis. Breasts nurse our babies, provide hours of entertainment for our husband, and are sensitive enough to trigger an orgasm. Our clitoris created solely for our pleasure can provide a lifetime of new and pleasurable experiences. And yet, how many of us really know our vulva? Song of Songs 4:7 says, 

You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
    there is no flaw in you.

Early Messages

Girls and boys have completely different experiences discovering their bodies. When boys learn to go to the bathroom they form a very hands on relationship with their penis. A part of everyday life, their penis can quickly become a best friend. They know what it looks like, what it feels like, how it changes with temperature and what creates pleasure. Their penis, just a familiar part of their body doesn’t feel dirty or scary.

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Sliding Down – Nurturing Your Husband With Oral Sex

Sliding Down is a great position to treat your husband to oral sex. While both of you relax, you can nurture him and create an amazing show.

Getting Into Position

With both of you lying face to face on your sides, start working your way down his body.  Kiss his neck, his chest, his navel and slowly slide down until you have access to everything you want. Prop your head up with a pillow and enjoy this relaxing position to nurture your man.

While he enjoys the view, his hands can run through your hair or over your breasts. Curling your body around his legs creates lots of skin to skin contact. One hand can firmly pull down his penis to present the full show while the other embraces his legs or testicles. You can maintain control and decide when you want to take him over the edge. Encourage him to just relax and when you’re ready add your hand to the mix and let him really feel you. Or with established trust and comfort, you can encourage him to let loose to drive to the finish line while you lay back and feel his strength and pleasure.

Don’t miss this great position that contrasts total relaxation with full on stimulation.

Beyond Purity – Living with Sexual Integrity

Our world has drastically changed in the last 30 years. The internet provides endless knowledge, opinions and images – both positive and negative. Definitions for marriage and sexuality continue to morph as culture changes. We live in a fast-paced world constantly bombarded with sexual messages. And most churches have failed to respond to the challenges and real questions that people face.  Rather than focusing on sexual purity we need to strive to equip people to live with sexual integrity, no matter our age or marital status. God creates us as sexual beings from the day we were born until the day we die. Rather than a sprint for purity that we win or lose, we must strive to live with sexual integrity every day of our life.

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Twinkle Lights – Shifting the Atmosphere

The other day my husband and I were out on a date with another couple lamenting about the dreary winter weather. My friend said, “I really just need some twinkle lights to cheer me up.” What she probably said in jest, was actually an opportunity for her husband.

I tried to help him out, by jumping in, “Yes, twinkle lights for sure! That would help!” “Seriously you definitely need twinkle lights.” Wink, wink.

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The Importance of Dreaming

This weekend I met a young mom at a craft fair selling beautiful pottery and we struck up a conversation. I shared that I also used to create things during naptime to help keep my sanity as a young mom. When I admitted that I don’t get down to the woodshop much anymore, she asked, “So what do you do now?”

Without missing a beat, my oldest daughter replied, “She’s writing a book.”

“What about?”, she asked.

In a split moment I had to discern, am I supposed to tell her what I really do?

“The book is going to be about sex. I actually teach sex classes to Christian Wives”, I quietly offered.

“That’s awesome!”, she said, “It is so needed! I would totally be interested in something like that. I’ve got to introduce you to my husband!”

As she enthusiastically shared with her husband what I do, I heard him quietly say, “I thought we were doing okay.”

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Trust – An Essential Ingredient to Great Sex

Trust seems like such a basic  ingredient for a great sex life and yet I am just starting to understand the depth of importance. Though basic trust in a marriage feels very similar for men and women, the challenges men and women face during sex vary drastically. The first step to create trust is an awareness and empathy for each other’s struggles. I want to share some specific ways that wives and husbands needs vary in regards to trust.

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Do We Want to Know, Even About Pornography?

I had just finished talking about pornography in class when I thought to pause and simply ask, “Does anyone have something to add?” Some of the best teaching in class comes from other women sharing their own experiences.

Just as I was ready to move on, Emily quietly filled the silence.

“We went through this…”

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