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Opportunities to Reclaim Territory

I often wear my Awaken Love shirt when I travel. I always think, how awesome would it be to have someone recognize me at an airport across the country. To stop me and say, “Thanks for what you are doing”. Though the internet provides challenges in safe guarding our families, it also provides opportunities to reclaim territory. The internet gives us access to people from local towns to foreign countries.

Several years ago I was vacationing with my family in McGregor, Minnesota, a tiny town of 350 people, enjoying our church camp. Midweek my husband and I drove into town to hit up the local market for a few dinner items.  I was halfway thru my shopping when an older gentlemen caught me from the side. He quietly said, ” I like your shirt. Keep doing what you are doing.” and then shuffled off to rejoin his wife.

To be honest, I hardly heard what he said, except that he liked my shirt. I had to ask my husband and when he told me, I still kept puzzling. “Are you sure he said, “keep doing what you’re doing?'” “Yes, I’m sure”, my husband replied.

I felt shocked.  Does he actually know about Awaken-Love? Is it possible that out in the middle of nowhere an older gentleman is following Awaken-Love in hopes of making his sex life better?

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Greater Contrast Creates Greater Sexual Tension

We create sexual tension through contrast. The drastic difference between two things that make both feel more intense.  It requires using a range of motions, touches, or feelings. Tension wakes us up and helps us to know we are alive. It is the anticipation of jumping into a cold lake on a hot summer day and feeling our heart pound. The way that the color white pops against a black ground. The excitement of one spouse leading with confidence and the other surrendering. Contrast creates sexual tension and transforms shades of gray to the brightest colors of the rainbow.

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Balance of Independence and Dependence During Sex

A woman who could easily orgasm shared her frustration about her husband’s lack of interest in sex. Many reasons exist for a lack of interest, but her utter confidence in her own satisfaction, made me wonder if that had impacted her husband’s drive. Maybe he didn’t really feel needed, and don’t we all want to feel needed. Great sex requires a balance of independence during sex, and dependence on each other. Just like our relationship with God.

Even though God wants us to depend on Him, we also must do our part. We don’t just pray about getting healthy. We must choose to eat healthy food and exercise. Rather than just expecting God to heal us from past experiences, we go through a process of talking about it, choosing to forgive, and steps of faith. Yes, we need God, but we must take a step. Like the paralyzed man that Jesus asked, “Do you want to get well? Then get up, pick up your mat and walk”. Jesus did not stand him up. The man had to believe and stand up. During sex, we also need  both independence and dependence.

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Using Words to Fuel Passion During Sex

Words add excitement during sex. Women that masturbate often imagine what is being said to them. Even saying or imagining their own verbal enthusiasm can coax their body’s response. When my husband lets down his guard enough to ask for what his body aches for, it adds to my arousal in powerful ways. When our filters finally disappear, the “Oh yes!!”, “Don’t stop!” or “Harder” fuel passion. But what words can Christian couples use in the marriage bed?

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5 Ideas for Couples Struggling to Connect After a New Baby

Recently I received an email from a woman that had taken an Awaken Love class. Though she has embraced God’s design for sex, the arrival of another baby has left her struggling to connect with her husband.

I just had a baby about two months ago. During pregnancy and now with an infant and toddler our intimate life has been a struggle. I’m really having a hard time getting in the mood. I have a baby nursing all day long and still have some residual healing that needs to take place post birth. My husband is getting sexually frustrated and I’m sort of at a loss. It feels like I serve the kids all day long and then don’t have it in me to serve him by being there sexually. I feel like my body is just a milk machine. Do you have any advice? Is it okay to be less intimate during this life phase? I just mentally struggle with feeling like I’m ‘faking it’ with him because I do not feel sexual or turned on, no matter how hard I try 🙁 Any advice would be wonderful!

Seasons of life filled with exhaustion present extra challenges. But I am so glad this young mom asked for advice. Instead of letting the lack of sex drive a wedge in her marriage, working together they can embrace the opportunity to redefine intimacy. No easy answers exist for the exhaustion that babies, nursing and raising kids create. So let me just offer a few ideas for couples to ponder and maybe try….

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5 Ideas to Add Variety to Oral Sex for Your Husband

Women tend to think about stimulation for their husband in terms of in and out movement. A hand or mouth that encompasses the shaft, sliding up and down from the base of the penis, across the ridge to the head, and then back again. It is the typical motion that most men use to create pleasure themselves. Though highly pleasurable and efficient, I want to share some ideas to mix things up a bit, extend pleasure, and add variety to oral sex for your husband.

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Don’t Let Sexuality Become Your God

I recently heard an interview on Sexy Marriage Radio about a woman whose story sounded similar to mine. A married engineer that spent years devaluing sex in marriage knew something needed change. While looking for answers, she discovered how much just talking to other women about sex encouraged her. This wife has since quit her job and devoted herself to helping women embrace their sexuality. Though on the surface our stories have an uncanny resemblance, our lives and mission differ drastically. God defines who I am, and what I do – not my sexuality.

Awaken

As I read her blog from the beginning, I related to many of her posts as her sexuality began to awaken. She wrote about learning to breathe until she felt it all the way “down there”. Rather than letting life pass by, she slowed down to savor small things like tasting the juiciness of a ripe strawberry. Communication opened up in her marriage, she realized lies about sex that impacted her, and she sought to understand her body. She even started a monthly meeting with 4 friends to help process how their past impacted their present and to spur each other on in growth. But what this woman did not have was God’s good boundaries to guide and protect her as she embraced her sexuality.

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Romantic Ideas for Valentines

To be honest with you, I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Maybe it is because I watched my mom try not to feel disappointed when the greatest gesture my dad could muster was buying a card at the drug store. I know it wasn’t a huge deal to my mom. She cared more that dad was a great husband – gentle, kind, loving, a good provider and absolutely steady. She understood that he grew up on a farm where a handmade shirt was an extravagant gift for Christmas. But still… I think she would have loved it if dad had splurged and gone a little crazy one day. If he had surprised her with a special date or gift that not only expressed his love and appreciation, but that made her sparkle.

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Stepping Into Freedom

Before my awakening, I had no idea how much freedom God wanted me to experience in our marriage bed. Though we explored more than missionary position, I felt uneasy expressing myself. At times I reined myself in out of fear of going too far or losing control. Where were the guardrails? Could we enjoy what the world enjoys? What was okay and what was not? How much pleasure was too much pleasure?

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Get in the Game – Play Offense Not Defense

Far too many of us spend our lives constantly playing defense. We react to problems as they arise, focusing our time and energy because we must. We do what we have to do to salvage a relationship, get along and just survive. We put out the fires when and where they ignite. And we assume that if an issue doesn’t surface than we’re good. But what would happen, if instead of always playing defense, we played offense in marriage?

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Buy the book

After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.

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Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.