Vibrators is a topic that raises red flags in church and yet the Bible does not specifically address them. They are another gray area, where we are called to discern with our spouse whether it is something good for our marriage bed. It boils down to the question.
As Christians bombarded by the message DON’T DO IT, or just COMPLETE SILENCE, it is easy to feel like all masturbation is bad – even in marriage. However, for some couples, masturbation within marriage can fit into God’s design for sex. Masturbation can make the two into “One” or helping them “know” each other better. This has been one of the huge areas of growth in my marriage. In Awaken-Love classes, I find it to be a topic that can be both surprising and liberating for Christian women.
I have a single friend in her thirties, that by the grace of God, has never been awakened.She loves the Lord and no matter how long it takes, she intends to wait until she marries. Fortunate circumstances in her life have made waiting easier for her than many others. As a kid, she never stumbled upon the pleasures that her body can experience and learned to masturbate. Boyfriends never made her heart pound, tested the waters, or pushed the limits. Amazingly, she was never exposed to movies, books or pornography that whet her appetite enough to take things into her own hands. And no one has taken what was not theirs to take. She looks forward to marriage and thoroughly enjoying sex. Her body has not been awakened and so it just makes life…simpler.
Many kids accidentally discover the pleasure their body holds and begin a life of self-comfort at a young age. Media screams sexuality – from music, to movies, to magazines, to books, to live streaming video of pornography – it is everywhere. Dating provides all kinds of challenges as limits are pushed and hormones surge. 30% of women and 20% of men experience some kind of sexual abuse. And so in some way, shape, or form, many of us are awakened before marriage – whether we want to be or not. Just because we have been awakened, does not mean that we cannot begin living with sexual integrity. It might just take more determination.
Read More »Opening Up the Conversation of Masturbation in Singleness
Masturbation is probably more taboo to talk about then sex. Most churches would like to take a black or white stance on the topic, but the Bible does not address masturbation. God calls us to live in the tension of being created sexual from the time of birth and knowing that God created sex as a way to join husband and wife together to make them into One. He does not give us clear guidance about masturbation. What may benefit one person, may lead others astray.
The one passage about masturbation that people quote from the Bible is Genesis 38:9. According to Jewish law, in order to carry on the family line, Onan was to have sex with his dead brother’s wife. Because of Onan’s greed, whenever he had sex with her, he pulled out and spilled his seed on the ground. Onan was not masturbate. It was probably more similar to natural family planning. Now I don’t think God had anything against NFP. He was angry with Onan because of his disobedience.
The Bible does not specifically address masturbation. But plenty of biblical principles impact our decisions about masturbation.
We are in the middle of the dog days of summer. The enthusiasm for warm, sunny, sweaty days has worn off and we are just laying low, until things cool off a bit. But don’t miss a chance to take advantage of conditions that don’t require clothes for warmth. Turn off the air conditioning for a while, get nude and create some memories.
Cover the couch with a blanket or sheet, find a movie that both of you enjoy, and stretch out to enjoy the show. Notice what it feels like to set your body free, sneak peaks of your spouse, and take a stroll with your fingers.
Read More »The Heat is On – Get Nude and Create Some Fun Together
This place that is neither black nor white. It requires us to discern and not just follow rules. We have to talk about things, wrestle with God and we have to be ready to change when God calls us to something different. Living in the tension is hard but it also helps us understand who God is.
God is able to extend mercy and grace but He is also just and righteous.
God loves us by accepting us as we are but He also speaks truth to us about who He created us to become.
He calls us to serve but He also calls us to receive.
God tells us that it is not what we do that earns favor with Him but it is out of an abundant love for Him that we do what He calls us to.
It would be much easier if God just gave us a set of rules to follow, but He doesn’t. He is much more interested in our heart and our motivation then following the rules. He wants us to have a relationship with Him and a heart that has a pulse on who He is.
Can I let you in on a secret?
“I have a much easier time enjoying sex when I am leading”….
There, I said it. The cat is out of the bag.
“I like to decide when we are going to have sex and how we are going to have it.”
The world tells us that you can have sex with as many people as you want and it doesn’t matter. Sex is just a physical pleasure that is to be consumed until it loses excitement and then you move on to the next conquest. If you do get married, then looking at others or using them in your mind to provide arousal is no big deal. And pornography tells us if sex with one person doesn’t do it for you, then why not try a threesome? You can find articles detailing ground rules and ideas on how to find the third party. And if a threesome… why not a foursome, fivesome – or a free for all. All messages that convey, “Why Only One?”
So beyond the obvious answer of God designed marriage to be one man and one woman, “Why Only One?”
The other night during the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition class we were talking about battling the lie that “Sex within marriage is boring.” I was sharing that I believe women are amazingly creative in the bedroom. In Song of Songs 7:11-12, she plans an outdoor rendezvous for the two of them to enjoy. They go to the vineyards early, before anyone else is there, and have sex outside.
Naturally, the men were eager to convey that they had no problem if their wife wanted to plan an outdoor adventure – or anything else that was creative. And then the question came up,
“If my wife is naturally creative, how do I get her to tap into her creativity?”
I have to be honest, beyond the obvious answers of creating a safe place and affirming the creative things that she does, I didn’t have much of an answer. So I have been chewing on it all week, and I have an idea…
Legs Together is an interesting variation on oral sex that your wife may enjoy more than you expect.
After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.
Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
