We have made it through another long winter in Minnesota and Spring is in the air. God created the seasons as visible evidence that time passes – the old has gone, the new has come. Seasons are God’s reminder that he is not stagnant. He blesses us with fresh starts, shows us His abundant creation and calls us to something new. The change of seasons is also God’s call to newness in our sex life.
A profound change happens during week 3 of Awaken-Love, as we take turns sharing baggage that has impacted our marriage. I ask the women to share whatever they like, large or small, but to focus on how the baggage has impacted them or their marriage bed.
We share our baggage for several reasons…
Sharing our stories helps us to realize we are not alone. Every woman in the room has something that has impacted her marriage bed. Stories of shame or pain are received with grace and love. Stories of bad messages are greeted with nods that know and understand. Women recognize their own story in each other. Even though the details of our lives are different, we have much in common.
God created us to thirst. He gave us a drive that causes us to reach for something that will truly satisfy. When we reach for all kinds of other things that distract us, our thirst doesn’t go away. It continues to drive us toward what we really need, toward what God wants for us.
Men love oral sex but I think their enjoyment is amplified multiple times when we enjoy it too – and I don’t just mean because we like to give them oral sex. I mean we enjoy it – like it turns us on and it arouses us. When we can orgasm while giving them oral sex – well that might just be one of their ultimate enjoyments. So how do we get to the place that we not only love giving oral sex, but that we find giving oral sex arousing?
If you want ideas on giving your husband oral sex, then please take a look at my articles How to Drive Your Man Crazy, How to Love Your Husband with Oral Sex and His Amazing Body.
Read More »Is Giving Oral Sex to Your Husband Arousing for You?
I think a couple could figure out what works and then just stick with it. They could rely on mechanics and physical responsiveness for a while… But eventually, things aren’t so great, because they get bored – because they aren’t getting to know each other. And if they are like most couples, they don’t talk about sex, so they just adapt. The wife may begin to check out mentally and fantasize about whatever creates enough excitement for her body to work. Or she may just decide she doesn’t like sex, so she puts it at the bottom a very long “to do” list.
Women are very intuitive about whether you are getting to know each other during sex. Many women relate to the frustration of a husband going through his routine without any clue whether his wife is actually enjoying things. She is laying there thinking, “here we go again. Yep. Here we go again”. Because she knows every step that is next. And because the husband is more intent on getting her to the finish line, then discovering something new, he just keeps at it. He tries harder and harder, while she becomes more and more frustrated. He is not paying attention to the signs of her body, and he is not getting to know her.
We save marriage by working on ourselves and learning to love each other like Christ loved the church – by putting our spouse’s needs before ours. We save marriage by committing to never consider divorce, even while working through gut wrenching pain. Rather than complaining about our spouse we take a hard look at ourselves and see what needs to change, and then pleading for God to make it so. We save marriage by tapping into the gift of sex to make us into one, to find refreshment in each other, and to transform our marriage from lukewarm into steamy hot.
Revelation 3:16 says So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot or cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
God hates it when Christians act lukewarm. When Christians honor him with their mouth, but their heart is far from Him. To them, God is an obligation, a box on their checklist, and a duty. Rather than making real sacrifices, they serve just enough to feel good about themselves. They have no desire to know God or spend time with him and do not understand the depths of His love for them. They take care of themselves and rely on God for nothing. Worship is simply a ritual, void of awe or heart or freedom.
Ephesians 5:21-23 –And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
I have to admit that I still prickle at the verse. As a woman that grew up climbing trees, playing Little League baseball with the boys, and attending a male dominated engineering school, I have to remind myself that this verse is not about holding women back. The verse is about bringing order to human relationships and about loving each other by denying ourselves. And even though the verse prickles me, deep down I want my husband to lead. In fact, it is a real turn on for my husband to lead, and I constantly hear other women say the same thing.
God woos us. He calls us to come to Him. To lay down our burdens and our worries and to find Him with arms open wide. He doesn’t force us, he doesn’t manipulate us, he doesn’t barter with us. He just says “Come”.
God loves us, even in our sin. He loves us even if we ignore Him, or reject Him. He loves us though we forget him or get distracted. He loves us no matter what.
Romans 5:8 says, But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
God gives us free will to choose. He could have forced us to love him. He could have forced us to serve him. He could have commanded us to bow down in worship. He could have made us into robots to do his will – but He doesn’t. He wants us to choose Him. He wants us to Come to Him.
Sometimes the burden feels so heavy because there is so much brokeness and so little truth about sex- and then I remember that God does… Read More »ASK
God has always been more concerned with our heart than with our actions. Matthew 5:8 – God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they… Read More »It’s About the Heart
After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.
Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
