Choice- Reclaiming the Power in Your Life
Choice. A powerful word, an empowering concept. It has helped me reframe everything that I do and helped me to better own my life. Rather… Read More »Choice- Reclaiming the Power in Your Life
christian sex
Train Your Body to Become More Responsive During Sex
Culture teaches that great sex just happens naturally. So, when a woman’s body does not respond during intercourse, it is easy for her to feel… Read More »Train Your Body to Become More Responsive During Sex
Conversations to Improve Intercourse
I don’t think great sex just happens. Real life is not like the movies where he confidently takes you in his arms, desire inflames your… Read More »Conversations to Improve Intercourse
Orgasm During Intercourse? The Big Question
The most common sex questions is, “How do I have an orgasm during intercourse?” Most women struggle to consistently respond during intercourse. In fact some of us might never have an orgasm during intercourse. Regardless of whether you orgasm, I believe that we have much to learn in order to make intercourse more connecting and pleasurable. And when you go on a journey of discovery, you never know what you might find.
My Story
When I got married and had questions about sex, I bought a secular book, “For Yourself” by Lonnie Barbach. Like most secular books, it clearly communicated that the chance of having an orgasm during intercourse was pretty slim. Most women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris, and intercourse simply does not provide the stimulation that we need. The book recommended focusing on what worked for a woman, and letting go of any expectation during intercourse.
So that’s what we did. We basically subscribed to the “she comes first” mantra. My husband would pleasure me and then afterwards finish inside of me. Intercourse became something for my husband and not something I looked forward to. We assumed that me finishing during intercourse would never happen so we stopped even trying.
Years later after reading a ton of books on sex, I recognized a huge divide between what secular books and Christian books teach. Most Christian books seem to make orgasm during intercourse the ultimate goal. Manual techniques are just a step in the progression to learn to respond during. Some books recommended the perfectly timed transition from foreplay to intercourse. Others suggested a strategic tilt of her hips as the magic formula. One Christian book proclaimed if a woman doesn’t orgasm during intercourse she has not surrendered to her husband. It is no surprise that women who don’t orgasm during intercourse can wonder what’s wrong with them.
As Christians, we need to be very careful not to create a hierarchy of sex. God created different ways to enjoy each other and one is not better than another. Don’t feel like you are not having “real sex” because you have not experienced orgasm during intercourse. Oral sex or manual stimulation is sex. It is not just foreplay.
But can we find a middle ground between giving up on intercourse and making orgasm during intercourse the ultimate goal.? Where we can grow and learn, without expectations or pressure that make us feel broken. A middle ground where we can embrace intercourse as a way that to intimately connect and experience pleasure – regardless of whether the wife has an orgasm.
So this series is not going to be about how to have an orgasm during intercourse. It is going to be about making intercourse a mutually fulfilling, way to connect – regardless of whether you have an orgasm.
So I want to start by helping you understand the reality of women.
Passionate Sex – Listening to Your Body
Recently I shared with a friend my frustrations of trying to move from great sex, to passionate sex. As she nodded her head in agreement,… Read More »Passionate Sex – Listening to Your Body
The Purity Culture – How to Move Beyond the Fallout
Recently the news has been filled with fallout from the short comings of the purity movement. Many wives in Awaken Love classes relate to the… Read More »The Purity Culture – How to Move Beyond the Fallout
Becoming a Sexually Confident Spouse
What does it take to create an amazing sex life?
It takes two sexually confident people, showing up and sharing themselves. Though you can’t change your spouse, you can work on yourself. We all have plenty to work on, so here are 8 Characteristics of a Sexually Confident Spouse.
Restore Vulvar Skin with Julva
Navigating the changes of menopause comes with extra challenges if you love to have sex on a regular basis. When already sensitive skin loses its suppleness because of a lack of estrogen, it doesn’t take much for what used to be pleasurable to turn painful in a hurry. One of the products that I became curious about in restoring vulvar health was Julva, a cream created by OB/GYN Dr. Anna Cabeca. After finally tiring Julva myself for 2 months, I am eager to share about my experience.
The Basics of Vulvar Skin Care
I have always had sensitive skin that required special care – especially my vulva. With a tendency toward yeast infections, an auto immune skin disease called Lichen Sclerosus, and the challenges of menopause, I finally made an appointment to see a Vulvar pain specialist. I found an amazing doctor who immediately put me at ease by asking questions and listening to my story. What surprised me most was the importance she placed on the basics of vulvar skin care. Many of her tips confirmed practices I had already put in place, but these important guidelines might be helpful for you too.
A Resilient Sex Life That Will Last
Though we might not realize it, all of us will eventually face things that threaten our sex life. Sometimes the challenge lasts for a short season, like the lack of privacy when living with your in-laws during a housing transition. Other times the challenge lasts for a season like when you feel exhausted raising kids. And sometimes, the challenge might never end. Receiving treatment for prostate cancer may forever alter the way a husband’s body responds. Most of us wait to work on something until we have a problem. But If you want to enjoy sex for a lifetime, choose today to create a resilient sex life that can handle the challenges of tomorrow.
