Song of Songs 2:2-2:3
He
2 Like a lily among thorns
is my darling among the young women
She
3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my beloved among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
Yeah baby! That’s what I’m talking about! Need I say more?
I guess we are going there….
Is his fruit sweet to your taste,
or do you cringe at the thought of loving your husband in that way?
Oral Sex is one of THE MOST INTIMATE ways that you can love your husband and yet many women struggle to enjoy it.
Is it dirty? Is it wrong? Do I have to swallow? Can I enjoy it, or should I just do it for him?
1. Is it dirty?
Your mouth is filled with so much more bad bacteria than your husband’s penis. Take the simple step of both of you showering before sex and rest assured, there is nothing dirty about it.
2. Is it wrong?
There is nowhere in the bible that says within marriage loving each other with our mouths is wrong.
Why do you feel like it is wrong? What if Satan has twisted sex for you through portraying very intimate acts in disrespectful ways through pornography and media. Maybe we have allowed ourselves to participate in oral sex outside of marriage and we feel guilty and dirty. Maybe oral sex has been forced on us, and it has caused pain and walls of protection to be built.
There are a lot of different reasons that oral sex can feel wrong to you, but you need to know that God desires more intimacy for your marriage and his desire is for you to experience an amazing freedom in your marriage bed. He is a God that can heal, that can forgive and that can redeem. Pray about it, talk to your spouse, or talk to a counselor. Don’t miss out.
3. Do I have to swallow?
Absolutely not. Incorporate your hands at the same time as your mouth, and when you need to transition to finishing him with your hands, he will hardly notice. Talk to your husband, you may need to figure out a signal initially, but with time, you will learn to read his body.
4. Can I enjoy it, or should I just do it for him?
(If you are just going through the motions and hating every minute, resentment and bitterness will fill you, so just stop. Stop and go back to number 2 and figure out what the heck is going on) Knowing your husband through oral sex is one of the most intimate ways to know him. You can feel him better with your mouth than with your hands or your vagina. You can see him and smell him and taste him. Can you even allow yourself to become aroused by loving your husband? (There is so much more to talk about, so watch for an article soon about the how to’s of giving great oral sex to your husband.)
Is his fruit sweet to your taste?
Put It Into Action
1. If you are someone that is uncomfortable with oral sex, pray about why you feel like this?
2. If you want to take some beginning steps to know your husband this way, just do some gentle kissing, touching and licking of his penis. Watch how it responds, how it moves, how it seeks you out.
3. If you enjoy oral sex with your husband, try to learn something new about him by stretching him in ways that he has not experienced before. Maybe a different pace, position, path, or lighting. Or spend some time exploring his testicles.
4. See how much you can allow your body to become aroused as you love your husband through oral sex. Place his hands on your breasts, straddle his leg, watch what is going on, or incorporate a bullet vibrator.
The Author
I am thoroughly enjoying your exposition on the Song of Songs. Thank you for helping us better understand this book of the Holy Bible.
Love this, Ruth! Just a note you might want to add. The last line: “you might want to incorporate a bullet” needs more clarification. (Small bullet sized vibrator.)
Keep up the great work!
Debbie Jordan
You, that could be a problem. Will do. Thanks, Ruth
Even though the husband`s penis is the main focus . I think that their testicles are worth mentioning when there is a discussion about oral sex. They could have been mentioned in the beginning steps under number two.
Your writings are very thoughtful. Thank you, Ruth.
Thanks for the suggestion. I added a link to my article about exploring the testicles.
Thank you so much for this wonderful website and this post. In our marriage of 15 years my wife receives 99 pct of the time. She does not like to give oral. It is on the rarest of occasions and usually begrudgingly. I love giving to her. I derive so much pleasure from giving. She’s just not a fan of my penis. This blog post is helpful because it gives compassionate, realistic and practical advice. It is a helpful discussion resource as I try to talk to my wife about the pleasure I desire to receive from her. I respect that she just doesn’t like my penis that much. She prefers lips, hands, fingers and other things that take her to heights of pleasure.
She mostly just endures my penis and that does hurt. With intercourse it’s because i am too small and she doesn’t feel full (she’s told me as much throughout our marriage.) I’ve accepted that and compromised and we’ve found lots of ways to please her. But oral still is off the table for me.
Anyway. Thank you for this post. You present your thoughts with compassion and grace and that is helpful.
Praying that your wife begins to hear your heart.
I want to enjoy giving more regularly, but I’m higher drive than he is. Does this have to be a one way thing only?