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Ruth Buezis

Leaving My Daughter a Part of Me

Lately, my oldest daughter has taken to wearing one of my beloved old hoodies. The elbows are bare, the cuffs frayed, and the color completely faded. I replaced it several years ago with something a little more presentable. The sweatshirt has seen my everyday goings on of bible study, picking up groceries, pulling weeds, and snowboarding. It has also seen long walks with friends as we did battle in prayer and held each other’s arms up in ministry. It has caught the tears of women that poured out their anger and hurt over hard marriages. And it has held me as I wrestled with God about my own insecurities of teaching a sex class and stepped into obedience. It is one of those sweatshirts.

I don’t know why she started wearing it. She borrowed it one day when she was cold and took it home with her. Just about every time she comes to visit she has it on. Even though I am a little embarrassed at how tattered and threadbare it looks, it warms my heart to see it on her.

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Trying to Be Quiet Adds to the Excitement

Trying to be quiet during sex is tough!

We have gotten used to an empty house and the freedom to be as loud as we want, but recently we took an adult vacation with another couple. Spending time with my husband in the mountains, touring God’s creation could only lead to one thing – great sex. With our room right next to the other couples, we had to be extra quiet –  but in a way, it just added to the excitement.

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What About Vibrators?

 

Vibrators is a topic that raises red flags in church and yet the Bible does not specifically address them. They are another gray area, where we are called to discern with our spouse whether it is something good for our marriage bed. It boils down to the question.

“Will using a vibrator create intimacy in our marriage?”

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Pray for the Battle

This week I had lunch with a friend that I met less than a year ago when she sent me this email…

Hi Ruth,
I am bursting with things that I have thought in my mind over the past week that I would want to write to you or tell you in person. I want to testify to God’s work in bringing a breakthrough and new dimension of freedom to me that started 2 weeks ago but has been experienced most amazingly the past 8 days (or should I say nights ??) after my husband of 21 years found and directed me to your blog.

We were thrilled to find out that you are local and that you have a class starting next week. I would like to sign up for that class.

I love when God plops people into my life. The next week, she was in class where we quickly became friends, and by the end of the 6 weeks we were discussing her calling to teach the Awaken-Love class.  Melanie and I have no doubt she will make an amazing teacher.

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Masturbation in Marriage

Masturbation in marriage happens all the time.

One spouse is usually hiding it…

and the other spouse is either naïve and oblivious, or ticked off and hurt.

Doesn’t seem like the best scenario, does it?

As Christians bombarded by the message DON’T DO IT, or just COMPLETE SILENCE, it is easy to feel like all masturbation is bad – even in marriage.  However, for some couples, masturbation within marriage can fit into God’s design for sex. Masturbation can make the two into “One” or helping them “know” each other better. This has been one of the huge areas of growth in my marriage. In Awaken-Love classes, I find it to be a topic that can be both surprising and liberating for Christian women.

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Opening Up the Conversation of Masturbation in Singleness

Song of Songs 8:4 – “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

I have a single friend in her thirties, that by the grace of God, has never been awakened.She loves the Lord and no matter how long it takes, she intends to wait until she marries. Fortunate circumstances in her life have made waiting easier for her than many others. As a kid, she never  stumbled upon the pleasures that her body can experience and learned to masturbate. Boyfriends never made her heart pound, tested the waters, or pushed the limits. Amazingly, she was never exposed to movies, books or pornography that whet her appetite enough to take things into her own hands. And no one has taken what was not theirs to take. She looks forward to marriage and thoroughly enjoying sex. Her body has not been awakened and so it just makes life…simpler.

Honestly, most of us are not that fortunate.

Many kids accidentally discover the pleasure their body holds and begin a life of self-comfort at a young age. Media screams sexuality – from music, to movies, to magazines, to books, to live streaming video of pornography – it is everywhere. Dating provides all kinds of challenges as limits are pushed and hormones surge. 30% of women and 20% of men experience some kind of sexual abuse. And so in some way, shape, or form, many of us are awakened before marriage – whether we want to be or not. Just because we have been awakened, does not mean that we cannot begin living with sexual integrity. It might just take more determination. 

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The Speck in Our Life

Last week I was painting a friend’s house and I got something in my eye. I knew exactly when it happened. It hurt as the speck landed and my body immediately reacted with blinking and watering eyes. But in a few minutes it felt alright. Even though I knew the speck was still there, I kept working and totally forgot about it.

The speck must have found a safe place to hide – way back in my upper eyelid – because I didn’t even think about it until the next day. I woke up and my eye felt just a little funny, so I went downstairs to work. Within a couple of hours, my eye started to bother me. I asked my daughter to look and she could see this tiny speck way back in my upper eyelid, but she could not get it out. The next couple of hours I had periods of extreme pain, followed by periods where it wasn’t so bad. My body naturally started doing what it needed to do to get rid of the speck. My eyes watered profusely and sometimes blinked uncontrollably as the tiny speck worked its way out.

By the time I finally went to the doctor, the tiny speck had moved to the edge of my lid where he easily plucked it out. It felt instant relief, but the pain still lingered. By this time, the damage had been done. My eyeball was scratched and sore. This tiny speck had caused so much pain and trouble and it was going to take time and care for my eye to completely heal.

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Masturbation – What does the Bible really say?

Masturbation is probably more taboo to talk about then sex.  Most churches would like to take a black or white stance on the topic, but the Bible does not address masturbation. God calls us to live in the tension of being created sexual from the time of birth and knowing that God created sex as a way to join husband and wife together to make them into One. He does not give us clear guidance about masturbation. What may benefit one person, may lead others astray.

The one passage about masturbation that people quote from the Bible  is Genesis 38:9. According to Jewish law, in order to carry on the family line, Onan was to have sex with his dead brother’s wife. Because of Onan’s greed, whenever he had sex with her, he pulled out and spilled his seed on the ground. Onan was not masturbate. It was probably more similar to natural family planning. Now I don’t think God had anything against NFP. He was angry with Onan because of his disobedience.

The Bible does not specifically address masturbation. But plenty of biblical principles impact our decisions about masturbation.

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The Heat is On – Get Nude and Create Some Fun Together

We are in the middle of the dog days of summer. The enthusiasm for warm, sunny, sweaty days has worn off and we are just laying low, until things cool off a bit. But don’t miss a chance to take advantage of conditions that don’t require clothes for warmth. Turn off the air conditioning for a while, get nude and create some memories.

Watch a movie in the nude

Cover the couch with a blanket or sheet, find a movie that both of you enjoy, and stretch out to enjoy the show. Notice what it feels like to set your body free, sneak peaks of  your spouse, and take a stroll with your fingers.

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Buy the book

After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.

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Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.