What in the world is she thinking?

Tomorrow night I teach the men’s class “What in the world is she thinking?”  and there is still room if your husband is interested. Most of us know that for women, 10% of whether sex is good is physical, and 90% is in our head. It is how we feel about sex, how we feel about our body and whether we truly feel emotionally connected to our husbands that make the difference. It will determine whether fireworks are launched, or if the spark just sputters.

How do you feel about sex? Does it feel like a duty, another thing on your long list of things to do? Or is it a gift, something that refreshes you, and connects you to your husband? Do you feel guilty about enjoying sex because you did more than you should have before you were married? Or maybe you are worried that good girls shouldn’t enjoy it too much. Do you feel like sex is dirty, something that those people do in those nasty videos? Or do you view sex as sacred, an incredible blessing from God, a Holy act that renews your covenant to your husband. Search deep, how do you really feel about sex?

How we feel about our bodies is a struggle for lots of us. This week a friend told me about the Dove video Real Beauty Sketches. A woman described herself to a sketch artist in another room who drew a picture of her. Then another person described the same woman to the sketch artist and a second picture was drawn. It was striking how different the pictures were. The woman describing herself focused on her faults and the things that she did not like. The other person described just another of God’s awesome creations. What if we could actually see ourselves as God’s awesome creation, unique, one of a kind, absolutely beautiful?

Women often say that they need to feel emotionally connected to their husband in order to have sex, and certainly that is the ideal scenario; spending time together, laughing together, talking together. They are all great things, but sometimes we get busy and it just doesn’t happen. What if, we could connect emotionally by having sex? In order to connect emotionally, we cannot just go through the motions, we must be absolutely present. Start with eye to eye contact, just touching while looking deep into each other. Use your words. We can become very quiet during sex, and really maybe we ought to be having a lot more conversation. Look at Song of Songs. They literally spend time verbally admiring each other’s bodies. What if we were to do the same? What do you love about your husband, tell him. What if we sometimes, we just paused to say, “I see you”, or “hi”.Use your eyes, use your eyes and open yourself up to connect with your husband during sex.

So, what are some of your head issues? What are some things that would be helpful for your husband to understand about your head issues? How can they help us?  Respond by commenting and if you would like to be anonymous, just use a fake name, your email will not be published.