During the Men’s Edition of Awaken-Love, while discussing the challenges wives face with body image issues and feeling beautiful, one of the husbands tentatively posed a question.
“So, every time my wife gets undressed, I can’t stop looking at her boobs.”
After letting the confirming chuckles from the rest of the men pass, he continued,
“But my wife seems really uncomfortable with it and I don’t know what to do.”
I had to stop and remind the husbands in the room, “Your eyes are not a bad thing. God designed you with eyes that go, “wow!” when they see your wife. They are God’s good creation to affirm your wife’s beauty. But that is not always easy.”
Challenges
I remember getting undressed and feeling irritated and almost violated when I felt my husband’s eyes on me. All I wanted to do was say, “stop it!”
Women have so much baggage when it comes to body image and feeling beautiful. Even if we haven’t personally experienced a boy objectifying us with their eyes or by commenting on our body, we know that men do it. Well endowed girls get tired of the comments, and flat chested girls wonder what’s wrong with them. Culture has taught us to believe that men just use their eyes for their own gratification.
God’s Design
But God designed a husband’s eyes as a good thing. They not only draw him to worship the ground his wife stands on, but they are meant to affirm her beauty, not make her feel used.
In Song of song 2:9 she says,
My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
peering through the lattice.
She catches him trying to sneak a peak at her through the latttice, and she loves it. God intended for our husband’s eyes to affirm us, not to make us feel uncomfortable.
I love God’s design! He created women with this deep desire to feel beautiful and He designed our husband with eyes that they cannot keep off of us. My husband feasting his eyes on me should thrill me, but it is not easy.
Learning to appreciate my husband’s eyes on me has been a huge journey. I have had to recognize how my past affected how I felt about myself. Sorting through baggage helped me understand and heal from the insecurities I brought into my marriage. Knowing the unconditional love of the Father has freed me up to be known. I have had to take intentional steps to not just believe that I am beautiful but to live it out. But believing you are stunningly beautiful, not only impacts your marriage bed, but it will change your life.
Feeling beautiful is a big deal. It helps us to stop hiding and start living.
So join me for the next few weeks as I share what I have learned about feeling beautiful.
The Author
This is a fascinating topic, Ruth. Thank you for addressing it, as I freely admit that, 25 years on, my wife’s body—and her breasts particularly—continue to captivate me….and I do sense that my captivation does make her a bit uneasy.
Eager to learn what you’ve discovered on your journey.
Yes, I suspect the tension between a husband’s eyes and a wifes insecurities about her body is a common dynamic in marriage. Hope the series gives you insight.
I am in
I so wish my wife understood this. I’ve tried to tell her she is beautiful but she dont believe me. I love to look upon her body, but now she changes in the bathroom and l very rarely get to see her body. It hurts deeply thst she dont trust me enough for me to see her and enjoy her body. I told her many times, l wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Thanks for the post, but wives, if your husband wants to see you, please let him. Your are beautiful in his eyes.
Most of the posts will be directed toward the wife, but towards the end I plan on writing a post to help husbands.
Very helpful topic. My only disagreement is latest comment about ‘touching our wives,etc.’. To me, sounds like a step backwards for married couples.
Though it becomes a problem when someone you aren’t married to looks at you that way.