Intercourse Insight

Intercourse is God’s design to make what seems like an impossibility, an opportunity for growth.

 Over the course of my marriage, intercourse has changed drastically from

  • something that I just endured
  • to something that frustrated the heck out of me
  • to something that I crave- regardless of whether I reach orgasm.

Intercourse, more than any other sexual act has stretched my husband and I to talk about really hard stuff. It has forced us to not just focus on mechanics but on connection. We have thrown out every preconceived idea of what intercourse looks like and instead created something that works for us. And we have grown enormously because of it, individually and as a couple.

(more…)

Hierarchy of Sex?

I have a confession to make – for years I did not really enjoy intercourse. It just did nothing for me. In fact, many times it was even painful. And it used to upset me to read Christian books or blogs that said it is ok to enjoy the other stuff but intercourse should always be most important. It did not match my personal experience and it made me feel broken.

It was as if they were creating another expectation that I could not meet – a hierarchy of sexual enjoyment

  • Simultaneous orgasm during intercourse
  • Orgasm during intercourse hands free
  • Orgasm during intercourse with help
  • Orgasm during outer course
  • Orgasm during manual stimulation
  • Orgasm during oral stimulation
  • Orgasm using a vibrator
  • Orgasm while touching yourself

———-SCRATCH ————–

There is no hierarchy of sexual expression. God does not rate the sex acts.

(more…)

T for Two

TsignMany positions that allow a wife to feel her husband’s power do not allow husband and wife to be face to face.  Yet, there is something about the security, trust and knowing expressed when a wife can look her husband eye to eye as he shares his passion.

The “T” position starts with the wife lying on her back with her bottom on the edge of the bed.  (There is an obvious opportunity for OB/GYN parallels here, but don’t go there unless you want all sex appeal to be lost.)  The husband stands at the edge of the bed and aligns his pelvis with hers. Together, their bodies make a “T” shape.  Pillows and wedges come in handy to prop up her hips if needed or he can stand on a stool or bend his knees to match their heights.

Visually, this position is a winner for husbands.  Not only does he get a view of his wife’s body, but he can also see his manhood in action.  The wife can use her hands to touch her breasts, manually stimulate her clitoris or whatever else may be tantalizing for the duo.  With some simple adjusts, such as him leaning back or switching the angle of her hips, G-spot stimulation is pretty easy to achieve as well.

Since the distance between spouses doesn’t allow for easy kissing, the husband and wife can use their mouths to speak arousing and connecting words.  She can describe his power and what she appreciates about his physique.  He can compliment the unique beauty of her body, suggest what he’d like to see her do with her hands, or describe how it feels to be inside her.

And don’t forget the eyes – the power of this position!  Locked eye contact ensures the undeniable presence of both spouses being fully engaged in every second of the encounter.

It’s important for husbands to consider that some women can feel un-grounded – and thereby distracted and unable to be fully present in the action – if their legs are not secured.  Instead of leaving them dangling, drape her legs over his shoulder, prop her feet flat on his torso with her knees bent, wrap his arms around her knees holding them against his chest or bend her legs around his body so that her feet interlock or rest on his back.

Another great attribute of the “T” position is that spouses can move the action from the edge of bed, to the edge of a table, a counter or other flat surface.  “T” time anyone?

melanie-sq-web

Reverse Cowgirl

bootsWhen you are feeling playful and in the mood to experiment, then the reverse cowgirl position offers a number of variations to enjoy.  With the husband laying on his back, propped up to the degree needed to be comfortable and to have a good line of sight, his wife straddles his pelvis while facing away from him. This gives the husband an amazing view of his wife’s back and bottom. Though the wife cannot see her husband’s face, she can focus on hearing and feeling him more intently.  Or a mirror at the end of the bed can provide the wife a view of the action if desired.

In this position, with the wife upright, she can control much of the movement and the depth of penetration – allowing for either clitoral, g-spot or deep spot stimulation depending what she is aiming for.  However, the position is not limited to this alone. Try different variations with her upright, her leaning forward, her leaning back balanced on her hands or her leaning back onto his chest.  Each changes the sensations.

Experiment with her legs straight down on the outside of his, his legs on the outside of hers, his legs dangling over the side of the bed and his legs wrapped around her straight legs.  All of these variations change the angle at which the husband’s penis hits and who leads the movement.  Clearly, this position necessitates communication, so don’t be afraid to say howdy to your partner as different variations are savored again and again.

Reserve cowgirl can be great during pregnancy. Husbands who enjoy seeing their wife’s backside will relish this position, too. As he marvels, he can grab onto her hips, manually stimulate her clitoris and/or breasts, and use his words to describe the beauty that he sees.  All around, reverse cowgirl is a sure fire way to have fun while boosting a wife’s confidence.  So whether you live way out yonder or are a city slicker, it’s time to giddy up!

melanie-sq-web

He is My Shield

shield3Typically, rear entry vaginal intercourse is perceived to be very powerful.  There may be times that a wife just wants to feel her husband’s strength, but there is also a softer side to rear entry positions.  At a time of insecurity, when a wife may struggle to open up and confidently share herself, her husband can gently and lovingly reassure her of the safety of their marriage bed through his words, skin to skin connection and rear entry vaginal intercourse.

With the wife on her stomach and her knees drawn up underneath her – similar to a frog – her husband can mimic her position while draping his body over hers. The vast skin to skin contact can be an assurance; he is her shield.  His hands are free to roam as he envelops her inside and out.  He can use his hand, she can use her hand or a small vibe can be used to add clitoral stimulation.  He can kiss her neck and whisper affirmations in her ear. She can also respond to his thrusting by creating resistance or swaying her hips.

The connection in this froggy style position creates a place of security for the wife to open up, to be reminded of her husband’s love, while not demanding a lot of physical exposure until she is ready.  It also gives a husband a great view of his wife’s backside.  The husband can work a relaxing back rub for his wife into the foreplay to intensify the level of relaxation and trust that this position offers as well.

melanie-sq-web

 

The Dance

“We danced last night”, were the first words that she whispered to her husband as she awoke.

In a way, it had seemed like a dream.

The movement of bodies, not in unison, but in symphony. Not one doing the other, but oneness.

In Genesis 2:24 it says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

What if “become” is not a one time thing, but a lifetime thing. What if “become one flesh” is not just what happens when we get married or every time we have sex. What if “become one flesh” is this endless journey of being made into one by God.

(more…)