Using our Words during Sex

Sometimes, more than touch, I need my husband to take me someplace using his words. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because it helps me get out of my own head. Words can be powerfully erotic and can immediately take me to another place. They can turn vanilla sex into steaming hot sex, even though we are in the same bed, wearing the same outfit and doing the same things. Words can transport me in a way that touch cannot. They communicate a presence and a connectedness beyond the physical to your mind and soul.

Words are powerful, just look at how women devour erotic novels. Wives would rather read about sex than actually enjoy it. Chat rooms are filled with people that would rather seduce each other anonymously than communicate to their spouse about what turns them on. We can easily fall into twisting the power of words to avoid the hard work of developing intimacy with our spouse.


Safe Place

The last few years I have realized how bad a job I have done at creating a safe place for my husband to share. I was reminded the other day when I slipped back into my old pattern of reading way to much into my husband’s comments.

I have this amazing husband that loves to teach Sunday School to young kids. After class on Saturday night, as we were walking out to the car, he said, ” You know, I could teach Sunday school every week.” My immediate reaction was, “Don’t you ever want to sit with me during church?”

My poor husband found himself back pedaling. Trying to explain that of course he liked sitting with me in church. All he was really trying to say was that he loves teaching kids. But through my filter of insecurity, I immediately questioned whether he loved me.

Safe Place

I am embarrassed to say that just a few years ago, because I was often overly sensitive to my husband’s comments, he essentially stopped talking to me. (more…)

Talk about SEX?

CFC-talking-about-online-part3I don’t think great sex just happens. Real life is not like the movies where the guy confidently takes you in his arms, you melt at his touch as desire inflames your body, and intercourse simultaneously takes both of you to the moon and back.

Great sex happens because you are brave enough to talk about your needs and desires, and courageous enough to hear and honor your spouse’s needs and desires.

In order to work towards having an orgasm during intercourse, you must talk about sex. You must talk about where you are at, what you would like to try, let him know how he can help, and come up with a plan B.



Tonight I am teaching about communication in my sex class, and one of the topics that always comes up is how awful the names are for women’s body parts. The clinical terms like vagina, clitoris, labia and vulva can quickly cool any steam that is starting to rise in the bedroom. The slang terms are so connected with pornography and the disrespect of women that for many of us, they cannot be allowed into our marriage bed.

It got me thinking about the nicknames that men use for their genitals. Men use names like…

Mr Happy

The Energizer Bunny

Man’s Best Friend

The Dicktator


The One Eyed Monster


Mr Pickle

All names that possess desire, and will and being.

Women’s genital are nicknames after inanimate object, that have no mind of their own. Names like …







Now, the question is, do women’s genitals have desire, will and being. Is it a part of who  you are as a person, or is it just an object to be used and consumed by others.

This may seem strange, but your mission this week is to come up with a nickname for your genitals. Something that might be a fun code word to use when you are in public, something that makes you feel sexy, something that rolls off of your tongue when you are in the heat of the moment. Some suggestions include …









Your kids are watching you

getty_rf_photo_of_parents_eating_healthy_as_an_exampleI was speaking at a MOPS group this week, and one of the moms asked me a great question. She asked, “How do I communicate to my kids, that sex is great within marriage, when all they’ve been hearing is, don’t do it, sex is bad?”