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Connecting is a Two Way Street

The other night my husband and I had an awesome time connecting. I had gotten him to open up about a fun scenario that he found particularly enticing, and so naturally my wheels started turning. Really it wasn’t anything that took much planning.  It was just catching hold of the small nuances that would take him back to that place we talked about. You know things like lighting, sleepwear, positions, ATTITUDE…But he knew that I had heard him, and he knew exactly where I was taking him. It was a great night!

Feeling Naked

The next morning I woke up feeling absolutely naked – like the skin had been stripped off of me – naked. It was as if I had been in a show and poured myself out and there was nothing left. It was like when I started teaching my classes on sex, and shared so much of myself, that I felt absolutely vulnerable and attacked afterwards. I was raw.

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My Partner in Life

Jim has been my covert partner in Awaken-Love for over five years. More importantly, he has been my partner in marriage for 30 years. We have been through so much together and Awaken-Love would not exist without him.

Jim went years without giving up on me or becoming resentful when sex happened only once or twice a month. 7 years ago, when I experienced huge growth in my faith and sexuality, he stepped up and grew with me. He has held me in his arms as I cried out to God questioning my calling to teach about sex. The poor guy has been my Guinea pig as I tried out new ideas and techniques in bed, Hah!?. Jim has helped me to understand and write about the men’s perspective of sex. He has edited my writing, acted as a sounding board and encouraged me. I would not have started Awaken-Love without Jim and I would have given up years ago without him by my side. This November, Jim and I will teach another MEN’S EDITION of Awaken-Love and I figured it was time I introduce him to you.

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A Christian App – Ultimate Intimacy

I am excited to review and recommend a Christian App called Ultimate Intimacy. My husband and I spent a weekend sampling the articles, discussing the conversation starters and testing out the game. The next morning I woke up to a note from my husband, “Let’s play it again tonight. I go first!” Let’s just say Ultimate Intimacy was a hit in my house.

Ultimate Intimacy was designed by two Christian couples to strengthen marriages, fight pornography addiction and reduce the divorce rate.  They believe that sex in marriage should be amazing for both the husband and the wife, and be incredibly bonding. They created the Ultimate Intimacy APP to be fun, respectful, easy to use and to treat sex as something sacred.

If you feel stuck in a rut, don’t know how to start creating intimacy in your marriage, or are looking for a fun  idea for your upcoming date night then check out the Ultimate Intimacy APP. The easy navigation toggles between a super fun Game, helpful Resources, Conversation Starters, respectful Positions (Androids Only for now) and Products to help turn up the heat.

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Slow Steady Steps of Growth

Growth sometimes happens in an instant like a light bulb flipping on to illuminate God’s truth. More often, growth happens through the slow steady steps of obedience as we trudge along making daily decisions. Often we know where God wants us to go, but it seems so far away. We have no idea how to get there. So, God gives us a small step that points us in the right direction. For a time, we ignore Him or procrastinate, but eventually we muster our courage. Moving in any direction feels better than standing still.

God constantly calls me to take a small step…

One time he called me to ask the Twin Cities Covenant Women’s Retreat if I could offer a breakout session on sex. I’ve spoken to women many times, but I’ve never asked to speak. People invite me  because they’ve taken an Awaken-Love class or someone told them about me. I have been too afraid to ask  if I could share about sex.

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Using our Words during Sex

Sometimes, more than touch, I need my husband to take me someplace using his words. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because it helps me get out of my own head. Words can be powerfully erotic and can immediately take me to another place. They can turn vanilla sex into steaming hot sex, even though we are in the same bed, wearing the same outfit and doing the same things. Words can transport me in a way that touch cannot. They communicate a presence and a connectedness beyond the physical to your mind and soul.

Words are powerful, just look at how women devour erotic novels. Wives would rather read about sex than actually enjoy it. Chat rooms are filled with people that would rather seduce each other anonymously than communicate to their spouse about what turns them on. We can easily fall into twisting the power of words to avoid the hard work of developing intimacy with our spouse.

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Let's talk about anal sex.

A Respectful, Frank Discussion about Anal Sex

Educate Ourselves

Anal Sex has become part of today’s world. Regardless of whether or not you have any personal interest in the act, I believe we need to educate ourselves. People are engaging in anal sex in unhealthy ways both outside and inside of marriage. Women are coerced and pressured to do things that can only result in pain and damage. While other Christian couples believe anal sex creates intimacy because it requires profound trust, communication and sensitivity. For them, anal sex communicates love through an intensely vulnerable act.

Please resist a quick judgement “that nobody should do it” and allow yourself to learn.  The goal of this article is to neither condone nor condemn anal sex, but to educate. You get to decide what is right for your marriage bed and how to talk to your kids. But instead of just saying “don’t do it”, let’s spend some time wrestling with the topic.

What does the Bible really say about anal sex?

How come anal sex is becoming more main stream?

What are the health implications and cautions surrounding anal sex?

These are just some of the questions we must wrestle with ourselves and be prepared to answer for our kids.

If we don’t want our friends, kids or grandkids to get their information from Teen Vogue or Pornography then we must equip ourselves to comfortably talk about today’s issues – and anal sex is one of today’s issue. Even if your son or daughter never deals with anal sex, maybe they will help empower a friend to make good choices.

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Today’s version of Sex Education – Teen Vogue?

Teen Vogues article in July 2018 titled Anal Sex: What You Need to Know – How to do it the RIGHT way created an uproar from both parents and conservatives. People were alarmed about the subject matter and whether Teen Vogue has the right to provide that kind of information.  The article really just resurfaced the timeless issue of sex education. What is the difference between appropriate knowledge to help kids make good choices and information that leads to poor decisions?

Who should educate kids and what if they aren’t?

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Learning to Dance as One

“We danced last night”, were the first words that she whispered to her husband as she awoke.

In a way, it had seemed like a dream.

The movement of bodies, not in unison, but in symphony. Not one doing the other, but oneness.

In Genesis 2:24 it says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

What if “become” is not a one time thing, but a lifetime thing. Maybe “become one flesh” is not just what happens when we get married or every time we have sex. What if “become one flesh” is this endless journey of being made into one by God.

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Letting Our Husband Lead

Let me say up front, I have not read the book “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

I have read enough about the book to get the general idea of the plot and the characters, and I have a theory about why women are so attracted to its pages.

We want our husbands to lead.  We want them to lead in bed, and sometimes we even want them to lead strongly.

Not in the twisted way that this character from “Fifty Shades of Grey” does, but with a selfless love of a husband that knows his wife.

We want our husbands tuned into our needs and our bodies so they know exactly what we want… maybe even before we know. We want them to hold us with a gentle firmness that says “I’ve got you.” We want them to explore us with the attention that they are utterly enthralled by our bodies, even when we feel insecure. We want them to take us down a path so confidently, that we can trust them, and stop worrying whether or not we will respond.  We want our husbands to lead.

The problem is…. we are awful at letting our husbands lead.

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The Challenges of Enjoying Oral Sex

Oral sex can be one of the sweetest ways for your husband to pleasure you but it has it’s own challenges.

Song of Songs 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come south wind!

Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad.

Let my love come into his garden and taste its choice fruits

fruit

One of the most intimate ways you can allow your husband to “know you”, is through oral sex. Your husband will see, feel, and even taste you in ways that he has never experienced before.  If you surrender and allow yourself to just receive from you husband, you will experience some of the most delicious orgasms possible.

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Buy the book

After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.

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Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.