After teaching Awaken Love to hundreds of women, I am painfully aware of the lack of resources for women that have been sexually betrayed. Many churches offer resources to help men who struggle with porn, but few offer resources for the wife. While the husband feels the relief of finally coming clean with an accountability groups, the wife suffers in silence with no one to share her own fears and grief.
Wives that have been sexually betrayed did not cause or choose this path. But the betrayal impacts them in profound ways. Regardless of whether her marriage survives or not, or her husband achieves sobriety and recovery, the wife needs healing from the wounds of betrayal.
The Effects of Betrayal
Betrayal can cause a woman to feel inadequate or somehow blame herself. Constantly reliving the details can make it hard for her to focus on life or get restful sleep. Hyper-vigilance might consume her as she attempts to police her husband and control a world that feels out of control. Learning to trust both herself and others will take time and work. Betrayal can even begin to affect the physical body when anxiety, and worry take their toll. The best thing that a wife can do after betrayal is to take steps to regain health for herself.
Healing takes place in community. Within a safe group that understands, women can share their feelings, spur each other on, and challenge one another to personal growth. There are no simple answers or magic formula to make everything better. Walking together we can point each other towards God’s truth in our lives. But few churches offer groups for the wives.
After years of frustration at the lack of support for sexually betrayed wives, I am teaming up with a woman that understands betrayal, and am finally going to do something. Because I believe that something is better than nothing.
Beauty Beyond Betrayal
Community, Healing, and Learning to Live
Thursdays starting Oct 24, 2019, we will launch a small group at Wayzata Free Church in Plymouth, MN that will last 16 weeks
A different topic each night will guide our discussion. Rather than a huge workbook, homework will consist of a short reading and a few questions to journal about. If you live in Minneapolis and want to join Beauty Beyond Betrayal on Oct 24th, then contact me.
I am praying that more women would rise up to lead support groups for those that have been betrayed. Many resources exist like Susan Allen’s The Healing Choice or Marsha Means Journey to Healing and Joy, or maybe you just want to come up with your own topics and discussion.
We have to make wives a priority as more husbands struggle with porn and sexual addiction. The more grounded and healthier a wife becomes, the better choices and decisions she can make as she navigates a challenging reality.
What support or resources have been helpful for you as you navigate sexual betrayal?
The Author
Ruth, First of all, thank you for this timely article and for stepping up to the plate to help those of us who have had sexual betrayal happen to us.
My main support and resource I have used and am still using to navigate sexual betrayal is Affair Recovery, https://www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses.
I live in a very remote area, in a community of less than 600 people where everyone “knows” everyone’s business. I did not wish for all the “dirty laundry” to become public and have to deal with everything that could go along with that, on top of dealing with the betrayal. Using Affair Recovery’s online and telephone support group system, allowed me to get the help I so desperately needed, in the comfort of my own home where I felt safe, AND to remain anonymous. For me, one of the best aspects about this company is their curriculum is built on Biblical principles which gave me spiritual support that I wanted and needed.
Thank you so much for sharing. I pray that God meets you in the brokenness. So thankful for online communities and resources.