Small things make a huge impact on my sex life. Intentional choices that don’t take a whole lot of time or energy. Simple things like paying attention to my bedroom, taking care of myself and cultivating connection, help keep sex on the front burner. Things that anyone can do.
My Bedroom
Even though I am not much of an interior decorator, I have realized how much my bedroom impacts my desire to have sex. When I walk into a bedroom that feels peaceful and warm, I relax. I can disconnect from my day and focus on my husband. One of the best purchases we made to battle Minnesota winters was a small electric fire place that sits right next to our bed. We can quickly heat the room, while providing ambiance, light and white noise.
Another favorite purchase was a remote control for outlets around the room. With a click of a button we can turn on the small lights that set the mood. Pictures of favorite places the two of us have traveled cover our walls. Coconut oil, clean up towels and mood music are all within arm’s reach. Our bedroom feels comfortable, soft and warm and it helps me sink into connection with my husband.
Taking Care of Myself
How I feel about myself on a particular day impacts how I feel about engaging in sex. Dragging myself off the couch to walk, work in the yard or go for a bike ride gets my blood pumping and lifts my mood. We have to take care of ourselves and stop playing the martyr. Just like the airplane safety message teaches, “put on your own oxygen mask and then help others”. Get enough sleep, ask for help, exercise, and spend some time alone with God. If we feel lousy, sex will easily fall to the bottom of the list.
Even small thing like shaving my legs or grooming my lady parts can help me feel sexy. Splurge and buy some underwear and bras that make you feel sexy. You might be wearing the same old jeans and sweat shirt but underneath you will remember that you are a woman. Invest and care for yourself.
Create Connection
Marriage, intimacy and a great sex life do not magically happen. You have to create connection by spending time talking, laughing and playing together. Invest in your marriage with designated couch times for mom and dad to talk while the kids play. Resist the temptation to talk about schedules or kids and share about your day. Use the new Ultimate Intimacy App as a great way to start conversations. Set up boundaries for phones during dinner, dates and bedtime. When separated use technology as a tool to create intimacy by texting sweet notes during the day. I love nothing more than a message from my husband asking me to turn on the fireplace because he’s coming home early.
Spend time touching throughout your day. Cozy up while watching a movie. Offer a foot rub that inches up the legs. Hold hands during church. Kiss your husband like you did when you dated. When one of you is having a bad day, bury them in a hug that comforts and ministers to their soul. Read your bible together and pray together before bed. Connect all different ways to keep the fire burning.
Small things have a huge impact on our sex life. We can make intentional choices to change the tide and tone of our marriage. Spend time thinking about how you can transform your bedroom to create an intimate space to relax and enjoy each other. Take care of yourself by exercising, getting enough rest and doing the small things that make you feel sexy. Carve out time to connect every day by touching, setting boundaries on technology and connecting spiritually. Small, intentional, very doable steps that can change your marriage.
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