My husband and I team up to teach a class called Awaken-Love Men’s Edition. About a month ago, I sat down with Belah Rose from Delight Your Marriage. She asked me to share some of the information that we teach at the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition. You can listen to the podcast at Delight Your Marriage.
The three goals of the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition are…
- To help husbands understand the difference between just having sex and truly connecting with their wife through sex, the way God intended.
- To help husbands be a great lover to their wife by helping them understand the battles in her head, how her body works, and how to woo her with words and actions.
- To equip men to talk to their wife, kids and other men about sex so that others might know the truth about sex.
Right now the class is only available in Minneapolis, but Jim and I have dreams of somehow making it available to more men using videos. If you want to listen to the podcast please go to Delight Your Marriage.
I would love to hear your feedback.
The Author
Heard your podcast on DYI. I used to listen to Belah for a long time, and many others like you and her. Even to some men with good Christian podcasts about marriage, but I’ve given up lately. It’s just to frustrating to listen to someone talk about how a man should love a woman and all the things he should do, when she seems to like exactly the opposite. I used to be crazy about my wife, initiating numerous times a week, perusing her all the time, trying to talk about sex with her, trying to get her to listen to good podcasts, being the spiritual leader at home and at church, for the last 15 years. Mostly what I got was rejection and felt like a pervert for wanting a loving sexual relationship with her. Her idea of a thriving sex life is once a week, quick, passionate, like two dogs fighting over a bone. We’ve fought alright, over our sex life. We’ve counseled, we’ve almost split up over this issue, but in the last year I’ve come to be ok with this life. I don’t really miss sex anymore. I mostly gave up listening to podcast about it as well. My wife told me that our counselor, who has a podcast about marriage and sex as well, had told her that it had the same effect on me then erotica would. I don’t read erotica, I don’t watch porn, in fact, I’m actually totally done with the whole topic of sex. All it has ever brought me is pain and rejection.
Now that I don’t initiate anymore my wife wonders why. She wants to watch me masturbate so she gets turned on by it and can get an orgasm with her vibe. I hate masturbating. I don’t even really enjoy sex much anymore. It’s alway over way to quick. I always feel like I’m taking to long, with her and with me. Everything you said about taking time, taking it slow, talking, all of it does not work for her.
Glad to have a job and 4 beautiful kids though. They bring me so much joy.
Sorry the podcast was not helpful to you. From your 2 comments it sounds your wife struggles with intimately connecting. Don’t give up on her. There is a reason she is how she is.
Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m not giving up on her or our marriage. I love her and our kids way to much to ever give up on them. Besides, I’ve experienced the pain of divorce. My first wife was sexually abused by her father and so in her eyes I became the one continuing the abuse by perusing her. She ended up leaving me for other men who she felt no obligation to. I would never make anyone go through that pain! And my dear wife knows that I’m fully committed to her, but I’ve suppressed my sexdrive and desire for intimacy so much and for so long, there just isn’t much of it left anymore.
Wonder, if there isnt often, deep behavioral issues that can’t be resolved by talking or working on intimacy. My wife is very narcissistic and has some schizophrenia. Refuses psychiatric help. This has been very painful (abusive)over our 37 years. I don’t think that can be fixed with intimacy, though we do what we can.
So sorry. I can only imagine how difficult this must be.
I wonder how much we underestimate the power of intimacy – with God and our spouse – for both healing and for seeing ourselves and working toward wholeness and health.
May God Bless you as you love your wife
Ruth