Song of Songs 5:10-14
She
10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
11 His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold
set with topaz.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with lapis lazuli.
How many of us really look at our husbands bodies?
I mean really look at our husbands bodies. Do you peak as he takes a shower and he lathers his body? Do you notice the strength of his arms and imagine him holding you? Do you see his eyes and get lost in them? Do you enjoy the view of his body being enveloped by your body?
In Song of Songs, she noticed everything about his body – even his polished ivory decorated with jewels. Christian women hear all the time that, “men are visual”. I think somehow women take that to mean that we will never be thrilled by the view of our naked husbands. Even though we will not be driven by our vision like our husbands, it is still important to give ourselves permission and to enjoy the sight of our husbands body.
I think these verses in Song of Songs are actually her day dreaming about her husband in very physical ways. She allows herself to have sexual thoughts in order to keep the juices flowing for when they are together. If we are to day dream about our husbands, we better first learn to really enjoy what we see. We need to look at our husbands body and be amazed by it in order to create a reservoir of memories to draw upon.
This Week –
- Open your eyes during sex and look at your husbands body, the strength in his arms and legs, the broadness of his shoulders and his “polished ivory”.
- Ask your husband to wear something to bed that will draw your eye to him.
- Tell your husband what you love about his body.
- Have a photo shoot or fashion show with your husband as the star for a change.
Hi Ruth,
I’m a first time commenter and just wanted to let you know that today’s post is really great.
A very big component of why my wife married me was physical attraction. I’m 11 years younger than her and she specifically wanted to marry a younger man. She also wanted to marry a man who wasn’t balding like her father.
However, you alluded in your post that Christian women are often taught in evangelical circles that “women are not visual” but men are.
Christian author Shaunti Feldhahn now even has a new book out called “Men Are Visual” — thus implying that women are not visual.
My question is this:
Doesn’t this perpetuate an unhelpful stereotype by persuading women to be in denial about their own visual nature and their physical desire? It seems like it is a self-fulfilling prophecy at its worth.
My wife is visual contrary to what Christian authors and teachers say. In fact, she likes it that way because her visual nature extends into our bedroom.
Ed,
Thanks for your encouragement and question.
I do think that women constantly hearing that men are visual and we are not, can become a self fulfilling prophecy. In fact, I think Christian women miss out on enjoying their husband visually because they think it is not right, or even normal. I think it is important for Christian wives to watch their husbands bodies and the miracle of becoming one and to call on those memories during the day to think about sex. The Shulamite certainly does this during Song of Songs and there is no better model for God’s design and intention.
We do need to understand that most women will probably never be visual in the same way that our husbands are and the challenges that our husbands face because of that. We also need to understand how much our husbands enjoy visual stimulation and let our desire to feel beautiful be satisfied by our husbands eyes.
That being said, it is important for wives to know their husband using all 5 of our senses, including our eyes, and to tap into those memories to think about and enjoy sex.