Some women lose interest in sex when it seems like their husband has all the fun. Watching a husband collapse in pleasure night after night, while rarely or never responding can feel discouraging and disheartening. And it can be enough to make a woman avoid sex. If you want your wife to enjoy sex than you need to do what you can to help your wife orgasm on a consistent basis.
Imagine what it would feel like if your wife took you out to this amazing restaurant.
After starting with a delicious salad, your server brings a tray with 2 entrees. As your mouth begins to water, your server sets a lean piece of chicken in front of you, and a fat juicy steak in front of your wife. Trying to stay thankful, you enjoy your chicken, while silently wishing you could sink your teeth into your wife’s steak. After convincing yourself the meal was really nice, the server brings your wife the most decadent chocolate cake you ever laid eyes on. As your wife’s eyes roll back in her head and she oohs and aahs at just how good the cake tastes, you wonder if she even notices how much you want a bite. Determined to remain thankful, you graciously watch, while feeling completely left out. Maybe next time…. Or maybe it would just be easier not to go on another dinner date.
Making a Difference
Though a husband cannot make his wife orgasm, he can make orgasm more likely. If he wants her to enjoy sex, then he will pay attention to her natural wiring to set her up for success. Details that don’t matter to him will become important. He will happily learn new techniques, ways to hold her, and ask for input. Rather than just focusing on mechanics, he will slow down, learn to connect with his senses and even start using words to create arousal and excitement. A husband whose wife has never experienced orgasm will have the courage to educate himself, communicate his desire and commitment to help, and provide a relaxed environment to discover new things. Rather than assuming women don’t care or aren’t able to orgasm on a regular basis, a loving husband can learn to love his wife in a way to increase her odds.
Paying Attention to Her Basic Needs
If you want your wife to believe you care about her enjoyment as much as yours, then you pay attention to the small details that matter to her. Most wives need to feel safe before they can enjoy sex. She needs to trust that you value her sensitive body and will love her by paying attention to hygiene. Freshly showered, smooth shaven, manicured hands, whatever she asks for. Respecting her individual needs shows that you care. Ensuring privacy by installing locks on the bedroom doors, adding white noise machines or whatever else, shows that you want her to enjoy sex too.
Plan Time
Even small things communicate that your wife’s orgasm is as important as your own. If you always initiate when she is dead tired, or when you only have a few minutes, you tell her “this is for me.” You may need 2 minutes, but she needs 20. Plan ahead and initiate sex when you have the time and energy to make sex a mutual experience.
Connect Emotionally
Most wives respond easier when they feel emotionally connected to their husband. Turn off the screens and spend time with her. Take her for a walk and hold her hand. Ask about her day or how you can help around the house. Look in her eyes and tell her how beautiful she looks. Take her out on a date and reminisce about the first time you met. Arrange for a baby sitter so you can spend time alone. While separated on business trips, text to flirt or write her a love letter. Do these things, not just when you want sex, but because you want to love her well. If you want your wife to enjoy orgasm during sex, then set her up for success by filling her love tank.
Initiation
Many wives dream about their husband sweeping them off their feet. Showing up in bed to nudge her and say, “you wanta?” just doesn’t do it. She wants to know that you think about her and desire her. Tease her during the day, create anticipation, warm up the room or light some candles to set the mood. Plan a hot date and pick out her clothes for her. Take her against the wall once in a while. Don’t tip toe around and just hint at sex, go for it. If she rejects sex, don’t assume she has rejected you. Don’t take it personally, and don’t pout. Love her right where she is at, and she will learn to trust you.
Final Thoughts
If you ignore the basic needs of your wife, chances are she won’t orgasm on a regular basis. You essentially tell her that sex is for you, and she can just watch. Communicate that you care about her orgasm by your actions. Build trust by ensuring privacy and asking for ways to make her feel safe. Constantly fill her love tank regardless of whether you have sex. Initiate like you want her and don’t pout if she says no. Loving your wife in a way that communicates you care about her enjoyment is no small order. Learning to love as Christ does, can only happen when you understand Christ’s love for you.
Watch for future posts about – Some specific ideas on what to do if your wife only orgasms once in a while, or What if your wife has never had an orgasm.
The Author
Ruth, I used to orgasm frequently when I was younger, (I am about to be 55) but since then have had some problems with scarring in the vaginal tissue, vaginal dryness, etc. and overcoming problems with forgiveness regarding purity on the part of my husband (pornography viewing). Although, my husband has been sober for over a year and we have worked through many of our problems, he is an attentive lover….I still have trouble letting go and never have an orgasm during intercourse or oral sex any more. I am able to orgasm through self-stimulation. Any thoughts, suggestions?
I am guessing the majority of your adjustments are due the changes simply due to aging. Menopause can create big adjustments and can make orgasms that used to come easily harder to come by. All of a sudden we become aware of scars that didn’t use to bother us because not only has lubrication decreased but the actual tissue has thinned. Depending on your risk factors, doctors can prescribe estrogen that is taken vaginally to help replenish the tissue. DHEA is another good option if Estrogen is not an option. Here is a link.. Also, I would get very serious about strengthening your Kegel Muscles. Read this post and I would suggest doing them standing up if you can. A Woman’s Touch also teaches about a regimen to help. After you have given all of this a serious go for several, if you still feel frustrated with the results, you could add a vibrator on your clitoris that would add a stronger physical stimulation. Praying this helps you to find some answers.