One of the best ways to help your wife BELIEVE sex is just as important for her as it is for you, is to give her a FREEBIE. Serving her will communicate that you care about her enjoyment as much as yours. When you enjoy sex without an orgasm, she will realize that sex is not just physical for you, but that you love feeling close to her.
So my challenge to the husbands is…
To have sex with your wife without having an orgasm.
Yes, you read that correctly.
DON’T have an orgasm.
You can pleasure your wife any way that you both enjoy – oral stimulation, manual stimulation, intercourse, a vibrator or anything else that you both agree on. You can take her all the way to orgasm if the planets align, or you can simply enjoy the closeness without the pressure of climax for her, but don’t allow yourself to finish. Don’t’ let her finish you either. When she offers, simply reply, “I just want to enjoy being close to you” or “It’s my turn to serve you tonight.” For extra credit, respond “Let me, I want to” and then give her another orgasm.
Why in the world would you do this?
- To focus more on your wife’s pleasure without getting distracted by your own desires.
- To help your wife understand you can love her selflessly and just be thrilled with her pleasure.
- To better understand your wife – how she can enjoy sex without an orgasm once in a while as she enjoys the connection and your enjoyment. Or to understand how frustrating it can be when she does not finish.
- To expand the definition of sex to more than just getting from Point A to Point B.
- To learn what it means to have an all-day love affair. After men orgasm, they tend to become very sleepy and lose the desire for continued connection. When you forgo your orgasm, you will find yourself cuddling your wife, touching her throughout the day and loving her with your words. An all-day love affair is God’s desire for marriage.
- As an added bonus – the next time you do have sex, you will have an out of this world orgasm.
Your forgoing orgasm could make a huge statement to your wife – sex is not just about keeping her man happy, but truly just as important for her.
The Author
I get where you’re coming from, and yes, it’s super-fun and rewarding as a husband to focus on my wife’s pleasure. However… it’s so *easy* for me to reach orgasm, that it feels pointless to refrain from it after my wife has had a couple.
Just an idea if you want to experience something different and learn something new.
Ruth
At 55 this would be fine. At 25 it would not have been good for me or our relationship. Back then making it all about her was taking great deal of time and effort to focus on her, followed by the less than a minute it would then take for me.
Paul,
Every one is different and needs to decide what is best for them and for their marriage. This article is one of the homework assignments that I give to the husbands of the women in my class. Many young men have done this assignment and it has greatly impacted their wife.It has helped their wife believe that their husband does not just need a release during sex but that he wants to love and serve her and that sex is important for her.
Ruth
Paul, would it make a difference if sex were pretty frequent? 3-4 times per week? So the husband knows he’d only need to wait a day or two?
I love this concept, however my wife won’t let me touch her. Nothing I do feels good, let alone turns her on. She’s agreed to reset, go back to kissing and touching in order to relearn together but that’s never happened. Ironically now that I’m ready to learn, I can’t. Feels useless