FOLLOW UP

My surgery was super easy. Now I am just trying to stay patient as I allow the incisions in my vagina to heal and the stitches to dissolve.

It actually surprised me how little I feel the incision. Besides some general aching and itching, I don’t feel the incision at all. You hear how little feeling the vagina has, but I am not sure I really believed it. I guess it is a good thing considering the trauma the vagina experiences during childbirth.

As far as the restriction of “no sex for 4 weeks”….

My doctor was happy to clarify that what he really meant was “nothing in the vagina for 4 weeks”. Big difference in my book.

I am learning that it pays to ask. Doctors are often no better at talking about sex than we are. It is nice to know what your options are if you feel up to it. I think back to periods of medically restricted sex do to childbirth or other issues, and I wish I had been more proactive in asking for clarification. It is easy for periods of no sex, to lead to feeling disconnected. I think sometimes my husband subconsciously with draws in order to take the pressure off of me, and I end up just feeling lonely.

I just finished an awesome book called Kosher Lust by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. One of the things he shares is how in the conservative Jewish faith they practice a period of abstinence each month that contributes to sustain the lust or passion in marriage. During this period of abstinence, the men focus on loving their wife with their words instead. When husband and wife are finally able to come together, there is already great expectation and the wife feels fully loved.

So during this period of waiting for my body to heal, my husband and I are trying to stay connected in other ways. We are stretching ourselves to use our words to arouse and love each other. We are intentionally leaning into each other rather than with drawing. We are enjoying the building of anticipation and the awakening of our body to sensuous feeling. We are intentionally looking at each other eye to eye as we love each other in new ways. And when we finally can, it is going to be great.