My Transformation

In 2011, my life changed when I took a study on Song of Songs. Each week our assignment included reading Song of Songs out loud to ourselves and imagining that the Lover was really God speaking to us.  Over and over I read passages like,

How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful!
    Your eyes are doves.

And I would just cringe. Because I never ever considered that I was beautiful. I grew up climbing trees and playing baseball. The last thing that I was, was beautiful.

I spent time wrestling with why I felt so uncomfortable, because this wasn’t a man saying that I was beautiful, this was God.

I’ve spent my entire life getting my worth from what I did. Whether it was getting good grades in school, building furniture, remodeling, organizing events or, keeping my home in order. But being beautiful wasn’t something that I could do, I just was. God created me beautiful, inside and out, and He loves me exactly like I am.

Psalm 139:13-14 says,

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Ephesians 2:10 says, We are God’s masterpiece…

We are His beloved, His child, God’s workmanship, a new creature, more than a conqueror, royal priesthood, an heir, forgiven, and redeemed. Jesus bought me for a price, and nothing I do can ever change how much God loves me.

We have to understand both the lie and the truth….

• The lie says my identity comes from what I have done.
• God’s truth says my identity comes from what Jesus did for me.
• The lie is that my identity comes from what people say about me.
• The truth is my identity comes from what God says about me.
• A lie is that my behavior tells me what to believe about myself.
• The truth is that my belief about myself determines my behavior.

Regardless of my past, regardless of the choices my husband and  I made, regardless of how much I strive to measure up. God loves me just the way He created me. Absolutely unique, and beautiful – big feet and all.

I always thought that when I shrank back into the shadows, I was just being humble, but the truth is that I was afraid to be noticed, afraid to fail, and afraid to be beautiful.

One of my favorite quotes by author Marianne Williamson is,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Being Beautiful is fearlessly being who God created you to be.

When I understood how much God loves me just like I am, He released me to live in freedom. To do things that don’t come naturally and sometimes make a fool of myself. To vulnerably share all of myself with my husband  in order to be known, and through that to create intimacy and an amazing sex life. God even set me free to enjoy and share my body with my husband, and to revel at Jim’s eyes on me.

Until I experienced the depths of God’s love,  I was afraid to be known. When I did not love myself, I could not let my husband love me.

But when you experience the love of the Father, it changes everything.

So, I leave you with a Love Letter From God to you…

You are so beautiful…. beautiful beyond words.

I know it is hard in this world; this world of primping, photo shopping and movie stars.  Don’t look at them – look at me.  I see you, I see your heart, I see your soul. You are so beautiful. When you draw near to me, you reflect my love and it is intoxicating to others. You radiate life, love and my presence to those around you. You are so beautiful.

Don’t be afraid to be who I created you to be. I love with a perfect love…such love has no fear… my perfect love expels all fear. Shine in your uniqueness, you are a lily among thorns. You may ask yourself, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You were born to glorify God by letting his light shine through you, not by trying to blend in with everyone else, a lily among thorns.

I love you so much and I will always be here for you. You have captured my heart…you hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes.  People will let you down, they are fickle, but I will not leave you. I will not lose faith in you, I will not lose hope in you. My love will endure through any circumstance. Just look toward me, just one glance of your eyes.

Your love delights me. The world will tell you to do, do, do…All I want is you. I want to know you.  Pour out your sorrow to me, I treasure every one of your tears. Share your joy with me, I want to dance with you. Give me your struggles, I want to carry your burdens. Stop doing, just sit in my presence and hear my voice. Your love delights me.

Don’t live in the confines of the world, live in my freedom. Come away with me. Experience a life that is filled with peace and joy and love. Come away with me, my beautiful one.

God loves you so much.

How has his love set you free?