One of the questions I ask women during class is, “What is something romantic that your husband could plan for you?”
I’ve heard all kinds of answers but was totally caught off guard when one woman said,
“Honestly, if I could just have some time alone – with no kids, no husband and no expectations.”
Pretty soon more women were jumping on board and sharing how even though they love it when their husband plans a special date, it always feels like it comes with strings attached. Instead of enjoying the night and being thankful for a husband that wants to romance them, they dread what is next.
How sad is that! Our husband tries to do something nice and we spend our night thinking, “Darn, he is going to expect sex tonight.”
We kind of do it to ourselves I suppose…
We say that we need all of these things to feel loved and emotionally connected to our husband before we can enjoy sex. Then when he does them, we either come through with the deal that we have brokered, or we recant and risk that our husband will just give up. Ahhh – the pickle we put ourselves in.
Anyway, the women and I spent some time brainstorming…because sometimes we do just need some alone time or to simply change things up. We came up with a couple of date ideas that might be just what your wife would love….
Refreshment and then REFRESHMENT
After booking a room at a nearby hotel, the husband would stay back with the kids for the afternoon while the wife gets away for a few hours of quiet time and solitude. In the evening, the husband could join the wife by bringing some great take-out food to enjoy together at the hotel, or pick her up for a hot night on the town. The rest of the night can be enjoyed together skin to skin.
The Pick Up
The husband would send the wife out for a fun date on the town with her girlfriends for a couple of hours. At the prearranged time and location, the husband would show up at the other end of the bar or restaurant to enjoy viewing his wife from afar. Eventually he would make eye contact and in appreciation of how beautiful she is, send a drink her way. After some more visual enjoyment from afar and flirting with his eyes, he would ask to take her somewhere new – maybe dancing, to park and make out, or to a hotel for a prearranged rendezvous of fun.
Plan something different – not the same old same old.
What are your creative date ideas?
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That sounds fun. Though right now, we need ideas that don’t cost any (or very little) money. Got any of those?
Leanna,
One of my favorite very affordable ideas is to go buy the fanciest dessert you can find and bring it home. Surprise your husband by setting up a warm cozy picnic blanket in a quiet part of the house, spread out the desserts for the two of you to enjoy, find something sexy to wear, and have a picnic.
Another one of my favorites is write an invitation for your husband. He must meet you in a room in your house at a certain time dressed up – including a tie. When he arrives, you are in a dress, candles light the room and slow dancing music fills the space. You get to sway in each others arms until the clothes begin to come off piece by piece.
Have fun
Leanna, when the weather is nice, you can take a blanket up on your roof and snuggle while you stargaze, go camping in your backyard, take a stroll through your neighborhood hand in hand or have a hot date in the backyard by the fire pit. Or if you have local friends or family traveling, then you can plan a date or even an overnighter at their house. All free and refreshing with your spouse…and those suggestions come with a money back guarantee. 😉
Very good Ruth in fact really good! and may i offer this from the husbands view point ? If Sex would not be so complicated and hard to cum by (pun intended) a date with sex attached would not be so dreaded and sex could be optional. May i suggest to wives that they proactively drain off some of that sexual energy the day before or better yet regularly so dates are not so bound in a sexual happy ending. Pun intended
Sometimes that feels like the only time I can get her full on attention without distraction and although i hate it I am feeling really needy and feel unduly rushed to get it done before we both peter out? pun intended. Sorry for the puns but lets make the daily flirting so generous and easy to come by and the date will more about laughing and enjoying friendship that about hot sex done to perfection. Even if you rested and planned it carefully , mostly we cannot reach that perfection more than once in a blue moon.
Am I right or not? Husbands? Wives ? Id love to hear your thoughts on this. What every couple needs is regular time apart say a few hours where you just do your own thing like Ruth suggested! Ok I will offer another suggestion do the sex in the shower before you leave for the date. Take some pressure off and go relaxed.
Bob,
Interesting thoughts. I agree, if there is time, sometimes it is great to have sex before the date, especially if we are going out with other people. Personally I want it to be enough time so that we can both enjoy it. Then when we are on the date we both get to glow with memories of what we just enjoyed.
Ruth
I am shocked that wives would dread the night because of the sex that would be coming!! So sad to me. Why would wives feel this way?? My wife cannot wait for the evening to end so we can jump in the sack together.
Mike,
I hate to tell you but it is a very common experience. Young moms are just tired and honestly they are so exhausted they would rather sleep. It can begin to feel like a husband never helps or romances us except when he expects some thing in return. Sex becomes what feels like just another obligation and we have been trained for many years to believe that sex is something that men need but we do not.
Hey Ruth, another suggestion is to do the “coupon” idea. That way both parties understand the expectations. Perhaps the coupon is for something really indulgent or something light and easy. A gift card to a shop for coffee and a salad within a special card which reads “Have some fun and relax!”
BTW, men enjoy the “time totally alone” as well. That’s the reason so many guys take their gun for a walk this time of year. Certainly, many are avid hunters, but several husbands we work with through our marriage coaching, tell us they enjoy the peace and quiet.
If a wife enjoys to “shop” whether she buys anything or not, it is fun for her to just get away and be out there. If she is with friends, great!
When our kids were at home, & money was tight, I would save some money and give my wife a present of her time away from us all – kids, me and the house. It may have only been $5, but she could get a snack, something to drink and time to let life wash over her.
In answer to Leanna, we spent a lot of time going to a park with a picnic lunch, having a picnic or a luau at home (wife’s idea!) with sand in a kids pool, paper palm trees, and a home-made grass skirt!
Steve Pare of spousedates.com does a marvelous job of generating many different types of date ideas. He often runs contests with his followers on FB to generate lots of idea.
Here’s a link to my site where I generate tips and date ideas for spicing up your marriage – 5 Provocative Ingredients To Spice Up Your Marriage Trust and Intimacy http://wp.me/p50Bqq-g5
Hope it helps!
thanks Jerry,
Ruth