Do You Deserve It?

do-you-deserve-it

“Do I need to have an orgasm? I just enjoy feeling close to my husband.”

“Sometimes I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make my husband feel bad.”

“It seems like so much pressure to expect myself to be able to have an orgasm every time.”

Women seem so willing to settle when it comes to sex.

Can you imagine a husband saying, “Don’t worry about me. I just enjoy feeling close to you,” as they watch us experience fireworks that shudder through our entire body.  Fireworks that spread a sense of euphoria that leaves us unable to speak, think, or move. Time after time, they bow out saying, “don’t worry about me – it is too much time, too much work, too much trouble”. It’s hard to imagine isn’t it?

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by Ruth Buezis September 16, 2014
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What does God say about sex

My goal this Fall is to post on Mondays the series  “The sex you want” and Thursday I will post a short mission, something fun you can do with your spouse.

I spend a lot of time reading about sex – Christian books, secular books, how to manuals, research studies, therapy books  – and trust me, there is no lack of opinions. It can be easy to get caught up in what the latest book says and so it is with awe and respect that I have to constantly remind myself, “Go back to the source. What does God say about sex, what does the bible say?”

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by Ruth Buezis September 8, 2014
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Discoveries in Sex

Masters_Of_SexI’ve been reading the book” Masters of Sex” that chronicles the life of William Masters and Virginia Johnson who revolutionized sex in the 1960’s. Previous to their studies, even doctors knew absolutely nothing about the actual physiology of sex, especially for women. If wives went to their ob/gyn with a question, they were simply given a hug and told that everything would be ok. In fact, Master’s and Johnson’s initial medical articles on sex were scorned because not even doctors dared to talk about sex.

Masters and Johnson monitored and observed over 10,000 orgasms resulting from self-stimulation or intercourse over a period of 10 years. They studied heart rates, pulse, changes in coloration, breath rates and even made a camera to observe what happens inside the vagina. It is doubtful that a study will ever be allowed again of this magnitude.

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by Ruth Buezis August 29, 2014
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Enhancing your Senses

chocosundaeThe last facet of cultivating a supersexual mindset is enhancing your senses. Really I could do a whole series on how to enhance each sense and I may some time in the future, but for now, let’s just tackle the sense of taste.

In class we practiced focusing on the sense of taste by slowly letting a Dove dark chocolate melt in our mouth with our eyes closed. The room was so quiet, I felt like every sound was magnified and people must have been able to hear every swallow. The chocolate was smooth as silk, and just the moment to relax and truly experience the flavor made it taste so much better.  Sometimes I can pound down a handful of chocolates in the midst of a million other things that I am doing, and I don’t really enjoy it or even taste it.

Experiencing sex can be a lot like tasting chocolate. You can just go through the motions, or you can truly experience your spouse. You can taste him, smell him, hear his heart beat, see into the depths of his eyes, and feel his body tremble. You can truly know him.

Focusing on just one of your senses while you have sex, forces you to remain very present. It stretches the sense that you are focusing on, and forces you to learn new things.

So this week, let’s focus on the sense of taste. First,taste your husband all  by himself. Lick and kiss his body all over, and really taste him. Then  add some toppings and taste him with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Have fun and enjoy.

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by Ruth Buezis April 23, 2014
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Ordinary Women Extraordinary Sex

I’ve been reading this great book by Sandra Scantling and Sue Browder called “Ordinary Women Extraordinary Sex”. It is a secular book and their goal was to study women that seemed to truly enjoy sex and experience passion at it’s finest. It is interesting to think about whether enjoyment of peak sex depends on your partner, the setting, your frame of mind, or something else? More and more, I am convinced that my mindset is the most important factor. It is when I am open to what God has for me, that I can experience His gift to the fullest.

The 6 facets of the supersexual mindset they identified were:

1.  the ability to quiet the mind

2. the ability to stay connected to what you love

3. trusting your partner and yourself

4. getting rid of the “shoulds”

5. cultivating a beginners mindset

6. enhancing your senses

Even though this is a secular book, I think each one of these concepts  easily translates to our journey as Christian wives.  I am going to spend each of the next 6 weeks exploring one of the facets and suggesting ways that we can grow to experience that facet.

couple-wrestling-fun-happy-play-fightingFor this weeks mission, let’s just have some fun. Sex is not supposed to always be serious so bring some playfulness into your marriage bed. How about a little coconut oil wrestling, or a tickle fest, or just trying some crazy position that requires you to bend like a gymnast. Just laugh and have fun. Feel free to share ideas for fun by adding a comment below.

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by Ruth Buezis March 6, 2014
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