The Sex You Want

Letting Our Husband Lead

by Ruth Buezis
September 7, 2017October 20, 2018
4 Comments

Let me say up front, I have not read the book “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

I have read enough about the book to get the general idea of the plot and the characters, and I have a theory about why women are so attracted to its pages.

We want our husbands to lead. We want them to lead in bed, and sometimes we even want them to lead strongly.

Not in the twisted way that this character from “Fifty Shades of Grey” does, but with a selfless love of a husband that knows his wife.

We want our husbands tuned into our needs and our bodies so they know exactly what we want… maybe even before we know. We want them to hold us with a gentle firmness that says “I’ve got you.” We want them to explore us with the attention that they are utterly enthralled by our bodies, even when we feel insecure. We want them to take us down a path so confidently, that we can trust them, and stop worrying whether or not we will respond. We want our husbands to lead.

The problem is…. we are awful at letting our husbands lead.

TO ORGASM OR NOT TO ORGASM

by Ruth Buezis
February 22, 2016July 20, 2018
11 Comments

The other night one of the ladies stayed after class to ask a question, “I was just wondering…” she said, “in our reading, a couple of places it has said that women don’t always need to have an orgasm. Do you agree with that?”

Her question reminded me of the importance of filtering everything we learn about sex through God’s word – even Christian resources.

Comfort SEX

by Ruth Buezis
February 1, 2016July 20, 2018
5 Comments

I never thought that I would reach for my husband when I felt sad, stressed or overwhelmed. Things have drastically changed. Finding comfort through sex has been one of the most surprising results of figuring out this thing called SEX.

In Awaken-Love classes we talk about all the reasons that God created sex. The book Intimate Issues shares that one of the reasons is for comfort. After David and Bathsheba lost their child in 2 Samuel 12:24 it says, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her.”

In class, I often ask if any of the women can relate to sex as a comfort. Often I hear about women comforting a husband because of a bad day at work, a job loss, or even a death in the family. We tend to think about sex being a comfort for men. Remember, this was David comforting Bathsheba, not Bathsheba comforting David. God intended sex to comfort wives, too.

How to love your wife with oral sex

by Ruth Buezis
November 16, 2014August 4, 2021
1 Comment

Many of these concepts are based on Ian Kerner’s She Comes First: The thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman

After teaching over 500 women about sex, it is clear that most wives have the same insecurity, “Does he really want to be down there.” Husbands, you need to know that wives have a terrible time believing that you like the taste, your neck isn’t in knots, and that you aren’t just doing it because we want you to.

Your wife needs to know that you enjoy giving her oral sex, and the only way she will know, is if you tell her. You will need to tell her time and time again, because the same insecurity will show its head over, and over, and over…

If you have ever viewed oral sex in pornography, then erase every image and memory, because what real women enjoy is nothing like what you have seen.

Now, if you haven’t read my article on “Rubbing vs. Feeling – Manual stimulation” a couple of weeks ago, then go back and read it before you go any further, because the same concepts apply to oral sex.

God wants husbands and wives to “know” each other through sex. Your intuitive wife will know whether you are just wildly flicking your tongue around trying to get something to work, or if you are actually present, feeling her through your tongue, sensing the changes to her body, and taking her somewhere.

Let your fingers do the walking

by Ruth Buezis
October 27, 2014September 22, 2016

If you got a chance to read about “The amusement park of orgasms” in Hot, Holy and Humorous, then you know that the first orgasm she describes is “The Roller Coaster Dip”. It is that mind blowing orgasm that swooshes down a free fall as it releases every ounce of sexual tension in your body. It can leave you feeling like a blob of putty that cannot move, speak or think. It is the orgasm that results from stimulation of the clitoris by hands, mouth, or whatever.

Direct stimulation of the clitoris is the most reliable way for women to orgasm. Many times it is the most defined orgasm especially if intercourse is not taking place at the same time. With clitoral stimulation , there is a clarity of where the sensations are coming and a radiating out from that point to the ends of our finger tips and toes and the top of our head.

For women that have never had an orgasm, giving yourself the freedom to do some self-exploration may be the best thing you ever do for your marriage. A book I read recently that worked with pre-orgasmic women, suggested spending an hour every day for 2-5 weeks to figure out what works for you. That sounds like an enormous amount of time. but why not. When we learn how to play an instrument or a sport, we commit to practice on a regular basis for years. So why not commit to learning your body, so that you can teach your husband?

Even for women that orgasm on a regular basis, it is not unusual for orgasms resulting from self stimulation to physically feel the strongest, and we might wonder how this can be.

Do you love yourself?

by Ruth Buezis
October 20, 2014September 22, 2016

Girls and boys have such different experiences discovering their bodies.

By the time boys are potty training, they are forming a very hands on relationship with their penis. It is part of everyday life to touch and hold their penis, and it can quickly become a best friend. They know what it looks like, what it feels like, and how it changes with temperature, and there is really nothing dirty about their penis. It is simply part of who they are.

Girls on the other hand, are physically created very differently. Our parts are tucked inside and may never be touched, besides the occasional wiping with a piece of toilet paper. If you wanted to actually see what was down there, you’d have to either bend like a pretzel, or dare to pull out a mirror. Even in a mirror, our bodies are distantly removed when we view them through a reflection. Girls grow up not knowing that they have 3 holes, all they know is that dirty stuff comes out down there, and you better wash your hands with soap and water afterwards.

I ask the question, “Do you love yourself?” because I am not sure many of us really do.

Are you willing to fight for it?

by Ruth Buezis
October 14, 2014September 22, 2016
1 Comment

Yesterday I was supposed to write a blog and I just could not bring myself to do it. My husband and I were still in the middle of working through something that had popped out of nowhere in our marriage bed the night before, and I was still too raw.

It amazes me how vulnerable I am in my marriage bed. I like to say, I am like a sea anemone. I gradually open up, until my tentacles are freely flowing in the current, enjoying being tossed about with the movement of the tide, receptive to new experiences and comfortable receiving whatever comes my way. But when I am totally opened up, my most sensitive spot is also exposed. My deepest, most personal, most private self is laid out for my husband. He knows me like no one else, but it is not easy, because all it takes is one little prick to that most sensitive spot, and I immediately close to protect myself.

What Are You Willing To Try?

by Ruth Buezis
October 6, 2014September 22, 2016

I’ve been studying the anonymous surveys from the women that attended my advanced class “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. In the survey I asked 2 simple questions…

How often do you orgasm during intercourse?

Most times
Some times
Never

I orgasm during intercourse (check all that apply)

Hands free
With the help of His hands
With the help of my hands
With the help of a vibrator
Other
Never

Although my survey only included about 24 women I think some things can be gleaned from the answers. Not surprisingly the majority of the women were in the category of “Some times”, with a handful each in the “Most times” and the “Never” categories.

Read More »What Are You Willing To Try?

What is SEX?

by Ruth Buezis
September 29, 2014September 22, 2016

Recently I read a book that talked about women who allowed themselves to enjoy “everything but ___ ” before marriage. They spent hours with their boyfriends, kissing and exploring each other’s bodies, and they could hardly hold the line because they loved it so much.

Then they got married….and all that kissing and touching went by the wayside. They and their husband could now partake in the main event, intercourse. Even if there was still some kissing and touching, it was just a prelude to intercourse. It wasn’t very long before the wife felt like it wasn’t that great anymore, and she could take it or leave it.

So what changed? It wasn’t just the fact that they were married, it was what they focused on and spent their time on. Every time she would get going and start to enjoy things, they transitioned to intercourse, because now they could have “sex”.

What is holding YOU back?

by Ruth Buezis
September 23, 2014September 22, 2016

So, why don’t you think you deserve it?

Maybe you are just apathetic and don’t think that it is that important to you. I constantly hear from wives that they want their husbands to open up, and share their feelings and deepest longings. Sex is one of the mysterious ways that God gets men to open up. Sex is also one of the mysterious ways that God teaches wives to live in the moment, to stop worrying, to let go of control, to feel, to live. Wake up! Sex is important!

The Sex You Want

Letting Our Husband Lead

We want our husbands to lead. We want them to lead in bed, and sometimes we even want them to lead strongly.

The problem is…. we are awful at letting our husbands lead.

Like this:

TO ORGASM OR NOT TO ORGASM

Like this:

Comfort SEX

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How to love your wife with oral sex

Like this:

Let your fingers do the walking

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Do you love yourself?

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Are you willing to fight for it?

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What Are You Willing To Try?

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What is SEX?

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What is holding YOU back?

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Buy the book

The Sex You Want

We want our husbands to lead. We want them to lead in bed, and sometimes we even want them to lead strongly.

The problem is…. we are awful at letting our husbands lead.

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