Choice- Reclaiming the Power in Your Life
Choice. A powerful word, an empowering concept. It has helped me reframe everything that I do and helped me to better own my life. Rather… Read More »Choice- Reclaiming the Power in Your Life
The Sex You Want
Understanding Connection During Sex
Recently a friend asked how to make sex better. She said, “We both know how to enjoy sex, but sometimes it feels like we are… Read More »Understanding Connection During Sex
Passionate Sex – Listening to Your Body
Recently I shared with a friend my frustrations of trying to move from great sex, to passionate sex. As she nodded her head in agreement,… Read More »Passionate Sex – Listening to Your Body
A Resilient Sex Life That Will Last
Though we might not realize it, all of us will eventually face things that threaten our sex life. Sometimes the challenge lasts for a short season, like the lack of privacy when living with your in-laws during a housing transition. Other times the challenge lasts for a season like when you feel exhausted raising kids. And sometimes, the challenge might never end. Receiving treatment for prostate cancer may forever alter the way a husband’s body responds. Most of us wait to work on something until we have a problem. But If you want to enjoy sex for a lifetime, choose today to create a resilient sex life that can handle the challenges of tomorrow.
Balance of Independence and Dependence During Sex
A woman who could easily orgasm shared her frustration about her husband’s lack of interest in sex. Many reasons exist for a lack of interest, but her utter confidence in her own satisfaction, made me wonder if that had impacted her husband’s drive. Maybe he didn’t really feel needed, and don’t we all want to feel needed. Great sex requires a balance of independence during sex, and dependence on each other. Just like our relationship with God.
Even though God wants us to depend on Him, we also must do our part. We don’t just pray about getting healthy. We must choose to eat healthy food and exercise. Rather than just expecting God to heal us from past experiences, we go through a process of talking about it, choosing to forgive, and steps of faith. Yes, we need God, but we must take a step. Like the paralyzed man that Jesus asked, “Do you want to get well? Then get up, pick up your mat and walk”. Jesus did not stand him up. The man had to believe and stand up. During sex, we also need both independence and dependence.
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The Importance of Being Selfish During Sex
Recently I read Love Worth Making by sex therapist Stephen Snyder. Rather than focusing on the physical aspect of of getting enough blood pumping to create orgasm, he focuses on the interplay of relationship dynamics and their impact on sexual satisfaction. An area of sexuality hard to measure or even study in the laboratory most women intuitively understand its importance. For us, the majority of excitement comes from our mind – how we feel about ourselves, how connected we are to our spouse and what we believe about sex. A key concept Snyder addresses is the importance of being selfish during sex.
4 Reasons People Don’t Connect During Sex
I often write about the importance of connecting during sex, yet for most of us connection does not come easily or naturally. Though God intended we “know” each other through sex, many of us have no idea how to connect. We go through the motions, do what we can to make sex orgasmic and settle for a small taste of what God wants for us. The first step towards change is an awareness of what’s impacting our life that makes it hard to connect. Let me share four possible reasons why people don’t connect during sex to help you discover how to grow.
4 Reasons the Lower Drive Spouse Might Lose Interest In Sex
Why is that when couples differ in drive, we assume the lower drive spouse has the issue? We think the one with the lower drive needs to change, get a new mindset, or understand how important sex is for their spouse.
Maybe it’s not that the lower drive spouse dislikes sex, but that they dislike the sex they are having.
Maybe the higher drive spouse needs to learn to have sex in a way that the lower drive spouse would deem worth having.
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Is Sex an Amazing Connecting Experience?
When I spoke at a moms group the other day, a few women lingered to ask questions. After beating around the bush, one of the women finally had the courage to get to the crux of her situation.“You talk about how sex is supposed to be this amazing connecting experience. But honestly, I don’t really feel connected afterwards at all. Sex just seems so mechanical and not intimate.”
I suspect many women relate to what she expressed. Sex with our husband can feel mechanical. The constant movement of our husband can almost make us feel dizzy. Instead of feeling more, we feel less. We can seem like two separate people going through the motions striving to get to the finish line. Even if we experience pleasure or orgasm, we don’t necessarily feel connected to our husband afterwards.
Physical response does not equate to connection. We can fantasize our way to orgasm while in two completely different worlds. Or we could simply over ride the lack of connection with an intensity of physical stimulation. A loving husband distracted by thoughts of what to do next or his own performance can even be completely clueless to his wife’s discomfort. Orgasm without intimacy can feel empty and lonely.
Learning to Dance as One
“We danced last night”, were the first words that she whispered to her husband as she awoke.
In a way, it had seemed like a dream.
The movement of bodies, not in unison, but in symphony. Not one doing the other, but oneness.
In Genesis 2:24 it says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
What if “become” is not a one time thing, but a lifetime thing. Maybe “become one flesh” is not just what happens when we get married or every time we have sex. What if “become one flesh” is this endless journey of being made into one by God.
