Healing

Support for Sexually Betrayed Wives

After teaching Awaken Love to hundreds of women, I am painfully aware of the lack of resources for women that have been sexually betrayed. Many churches offer resources to help men who struggle with porn, but few offer resources for the wife. While the husband feels the relief of finally coming clean with an accountability groups, the wife suffers in silence with no one to share her own fears and grief.

Wives that have been sexually betrayed did not cause or choose this path. But the betrayal impacts them in profound ways.  Regardless of whether her marriage survives or not, or her husband achieves sobriety and recovery, the wife needs healing from the wounds of betrayal.

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Specific Prayer that Moves You Toward Healing

Though I love to speak about sex now, that has not always been the case. In fact the first two years I taught classes, I felt so nervous that my lip quivered. Friends used to compare me to Moses because I looked so miserable. They figured I must have felt called by God. But God transforms lives even from ordinary circumstances.  I vividly remember the specific prayer that led to my healing.

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Going After Sexual Healing

In Juli Slattery’s book Rethinking Sexuality, she talks about how seriously we pursue answers and healing when we face physical ailments. We see doctors for diagnosis, follow up treatments, and surgery. No matter what the cost, we keep looking for answers.  When medicine fails, we pursue spiritual healing. We pray, examine our lives, fast and ask elders to lay hands on us.  Then she asks, why don’t we pursue sexual healing with the same tenacity?

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Baggage Impacts Our Husband Too

As women, we can feel like everything about sex comes easily for our husband. How come our steely eyed husband can survive bad messages, straying into porn, or years of poor choices with no impact on their sex life? But the more I’ve taught men, and the more growth I’ve experienced in my own marriage, the more I’ve realized baggage does impact our husband. He may not readily admit or easily recognize baggage, but it’s there.

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Why Share your Sexual Baggage

A profound change happens during week 3 of  Awaken-Love, as we take turns sharing baggage that has impacted our marriage. I ask the women to share whatever they like, large or small, but to focus on how the baggage has impacted them or their marriage bed.

We share our baggage for several reasons…

Sharing our stories helps us to realize we are not alone. Every woman in the room has something that has impacted her marriage bed. Stories of shame or pain are received with grace and love. Stories of bad messages are greeted with nods that know and understand.  Women recognize their own story in each other. Even though the details of our lives are different, we have much in common.

Healing comes from sharing hurts and sins with one another.

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The Speck in Our Life

Last week I was painting a friend’s house and I got something in my eye. I knew exactly when it happened. It hurt as the speck landed and my body immediately reacted with blinking and watering eyes. But in a few minutes it felt alright. Even though I knew the speck was still there, I kept working and totally forgot about it.

The speck must have found a safe place to hide – way back in my upper eyelid – because I didn’t even think about it until the next day. I woke up and my eye felt just a little funny, so I went downstairs to work. Within a couple of hours, my eye started to bother me. I asked my daughter to look and she could see this tiny speck way back in my upper eyelid, but she could not get it out. The next couple of hours I had periods of extreme pain, followed by periods where it wasn’t so bad. My body naturally started doing what it needed to do to get rid of the speck. My eyes watered profusely and sometimes blinked uncontrollably as the tiny speck worked its way out.

By the time I finally went to the doctor, the tiny speck had moved to the edge of my lid where he easily plucked it out. It felt instant relief, but the pain still lingered. By this time, the damage had been done. My eyeball was scratched and sore. This tiny speck had caused so much pain and trouble and it was going to take time and care for my eye to completely heal.

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Buy the book

After years of buying into the same old messages about sex, Ruth went searching for God’s truth and discovered something radically different. By sharing her own journey to sexual freedom and the stories of the women she’s taught, you will come away with a new mindset about sex and a deep-seated belief that God designed each of us unique, special – and created for delights.

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Copyright © Ruth Buezis, Awaken-Love and Christian Sex Class, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Awaken-Love with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.