The other night in class we were talking about the reasons God created sex. I asked, “What does it mean when the Bible says God makes us into ONE?”
Silence filled the room until one woman began to share. She said, “The other night, my husband and I had a disagreement, and then my husband starts making a move on me. In the past, I would have just gotten mad, or brushed him to the side. This time I made the choice to get on board. We had sex, and the amazing thing was that afterward, the disagreement didn’t seem like such a big deal. We easily worked through the problem.”
Matthew 19:5 – For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh
I used to think that when we got married and had sex, God made us into One – end of story.
I now realize that God makes us into One EVERY TIME that we have sex.
Everything in this world will try to rip us apart from our spouse – kids, work, screens, our own selfishness. We need sex to keep putting us back together. To keep getting us on the same page. To keep clearing out all the junk that tries to divide us.
Many of us have heard the analogy to convince us not to have sex before marriage. You know – the piece of red construction paper that is glued to a green piece of paper. When you pull the two apart, pieces of the red paper stick to the green paper – because sex makes us into One.
Sex makes us into One in marriage, too.
Every single time that we come together, we glue ourselves to our spouse. It doesn’t matter whether our cup has been filled to overflowing. Sex glues us together even if sex was not on our mind. When we have a disagreement, sex makes us into One.
Sometimes I wonder if husbands intuitively get this better than wives. I think back to the times my husband has reached out to me. Times I felt absolutely incredulous he could even think about sex.
- When we had been in disagreement and I still did not feel like the issue was totally resolved.
- If I felt stressed out about work.
- When I felt lonely, sad or depressed.
- When I worried about one of the kids.
Maybe my husband was not just looking for “sex.” What if he actually felt this huge chasm between us and was reaching out to me in love. Maybe he knew we needed to become One again.
Making us into One is this amazing thing that God does every time that we have sex. It is unexplainable. Sex communicates things that words cannot communicate. It is powerful.
I choose to let go of my own ideas of when we should have sex and to trust my husband. Instead of crawling into a hole to pout or stiff arming my husband, I choose to reach for him and trust that God will get me on board. I choose to believe that sex is not just “sex” but that I need it in order to stay glued to my husband.
God makes us into One
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Plutôt je pose la question : imaginons la vie sans le sexe, sans la femme, que serait notre comportemant, serions nous capables de la vivre cette vie ?
English Translation – Instead I ask the question: imagine life without sex, without the woman, that would be our exact behavior, would we be able to live this life?
Amen to that! Before I married, my sister, who had experienced living with me, said I’d make my husband miserable because of my nit-picking and argumentiveness. In fact we never had one fight, married almost two years. I was just telling my husband that there were times when I was angry but then I thought, “I’m getting into bed with this man later,” and whatever it was just didn’t seem so important. This is because I said to myself before I married (inspired by Christian marriage blogs and The Good Girl’s Guide) that I would never refuse my husband or make myself unavailable except for illness. Also, my husband has never done anything so seriously offensive to deserve any anger. That’s a different story.