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Ruth Buezis

Manual Stimulation for Your Wife

Manual Stimulation can be one of the most intense ways for your wife to experience orgasm, but it does not necessarily come easily or intuitively. Keep reading for some tips to make manual stimulation something to remember.

Rubbing Vs Feeling

One of the MOST important concepts we teach in the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition is the difference between “rubbing” and “feeling”.  In order to illustrate the point, we have the men put a little coconut oil on their wrist. We then ask them to spend a little time “rubbing” their wrist. Being the task oriented men they are, they get right at it, rubbing their wrist with focused vigor.

After a few minutes, we stop them, take a deep breath and then ask them to “feel” their wrist. Their movement instantly changes to a slow, sensuous, thoughtful feeling of their wrist. We see them thinking about what they experience. Their mind intently mapping the terrain and responses.  Next we spend time exploring ways to “feel” not just the surface of the skin, but the area under the skin. By keeping their fingers attached to the skin to eliminate friction, they can better feel tendons and veins. We finish by spending time simply holding still. Sometimes you can pick up a pulse or feel tension better by simply holding still.

As we process the difference between “rubbing and feeling”, a giant light bulb goes on for the men.

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A Window into Intimacy

 Intimacy is always about our relationship with God – it is a mirror

When I started really wrestling with what God wants for me and my marriage bed, this verse rocked my world.

Ephesians 5:31-32 –For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Becoming One in marriage is a picture of intimacy with Christ.

Intimacy in Marriage

This verse gave me a frame work to start measuring what I believed about sex. I began comparing all of my ideas about sex, against my relationship with God, and it turned a lot of things up side down. I soon realized, just because something is our natural tendency, doesn’t mean that’s how God wants things to stay. He wants us to stretch and grow and that takes trusting him. I’ve written a bunch or articles based on this concept in the Mirror of Intimacy Category but a couple of ideas that immediately come to mind are…

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Clitoral Orgasms

One of my favorite articles,   “The amusement park of orgasms”  describes clitoral orgasms as “The Roller Coaster Dip.” Those mind blowing orgasms that swoosh down a free fall as they release every ounce of sexual tension in your body. They can leave you feeling like a blob of putty unable to move, speak or think.  Clitoral orgasms result from stimulation of the clitoris using hands,  mouth, or whatever.

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Start Talking About Sex

We can learn to talk about sex in good and healthy ways to equip and encourage others

One of the lies that profoundly impacts Christians about sex is that we cannot talk about it. We have grown up with sex clothed in silence while the world screams lies at the top of their lungs. The more I understand about women’s struggles, pornography and the culture our kids are navigating, the more I understand the importance of learning to talk about sex.

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The Power of Sharing Initiation

My husband and I figured out the importance of taking turns initiating sex, but it hasn’t always been this way.

Last week I shared a post written several years ago, Different Sex Drives,  about when we struggled because I became the  higher drive spouse. All of a sudden, I had a new  understanding of what my husband had dealt with for years. I wanted to feel desired and wanted. When I always ended up reaching for him before he reached for me, it caused me to question my husband’s love. Initiation makes us feel wanted.

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Different Sex Drives

It wasn’t always this way… in fact it used to be quite the opposite.  I used to be able to shrug off my husbands advances with no regard for his feelings or needs. Surely sex was just this physical urge that would go away if I didn’t encourage him. Surely he could see how tired I was from managing a house, driving kids,  fixing meals, and doing laundry. Sex was not even on my radar until those once or twice a month hormonal urges. My drive got my engine running, and then it was once and done.

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God Desires Freedom

God desires freedom in our marriage bed, but we must deal with the lies, baggage and body image issues that steal our joy. We have to take a hard look at ourselves and question why our ideas of sex don’t line up with God’s design. What lies have we believed? What past experiences still impact our marriage bed? How has culture or others impacted how I view myself?

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