9 Things I’d say about sex if I had no filter

I am joining the bandwagon of Christian Sex Bloggers  with  9 Things I would say about sex if I had no filter. Kudos to Julie Sibert at Intimacy in Marriage for getting us started.

1. We are in a battle to save marriage – rather than pointing our fingers at others we ought to be looking at ourselves. Does our marriage look different because we are enjoying the intimacy and freedom that God intended for us? Do our kids look at our marriage and think to themselves, “that is what I want.” Great sex is part of a great marriage.

2. The best advice I would give to any marriage is “Turn off the screens!” The phones, computers and tv are getting in the way of connecting eye to eye, skin to skin, and heart to heart. Create a screen-free zone from 9 pm t0 9 am and rediscover each other.

3. Most people will never read a sex blog or attend a sex class – because it is too painful, they are too embarrassed, or they think they have it all figured out. That is why it is so important for those that do, to talk with their friends about sex – how great God intends it to be, how important it is, how hard it can be. It is during one on one conversations that real ministry takes place and that God can open doors.

4. If  you are in a sex starved marriage, I’m not sure that Christian Sex blogs are a good place to hang out. If you feel more frustrated, discontent, or unhappy with your spouse after reading sex blogs, than it is probably not helping. You may need to step away and spend the time with your spouse, playing with them, talking with them, praying for them and asking God to help you love them even when they are not loving you well.

5. We need to figure sex out for ourselves – I am tired of the message “do this for your spouse.” It is important to you. I had a woman that had been abused come and talk to me about her struggles with sex and she felt so bad for her husband. Yes it is hard on her husband, but you know what, God wants her to be whole again. God wants her to be well and to be able to enjoy sex – not just for her husbands sake, but because that is God’s design for her. Do it for yourself.

6. I think that the far reaching affects  of pornography on the next generation is terrifying. The accessibility of porn through smart phones, and ipads has been put into the hands of kids. Churches need to get on board with equipping people to talk about sex and to understand what pornography is. Get pornography out of the dark and start talking about it.

7. It makes me angry how many people have been hurt through sex. The statistics on sexual abuse are staggering, and so much of it is happening by trusted friends or family. What the heck is going on and what are we going to do about it?

8. I am on a mission to reclaim the word SEX. A few months ago, I was forced by my church to redesign the fliers that advertise my sex class. Somebody had complained because their daughter had seen my flier in the bathroom at church and asked, “what is sex?”  You tell me, what better place to find out about sex, than at church from your mom. God created sex, it is an awesome thing, and I am going to do whatever I can to reclaim it for God.

9. Sex should never be BORING. Wives all over the world are bored with sex, that is why they are going to see movies like “50 Shades of Grey”. We have disconnected from our spouse, gone through the motions, avoided hard conversation, chickened out on sharing who we are and put up fences where there are no fences.  Sex ought to be this amazing journey of getting to know each other, really seeing each other, really feeling each other, sharing even our thoughts and our words. There is always more to know and it never gets boring.

So there you go… the 9 things God has laid on my heart to share about sex.