Legs Together – Oral Sex for Her

Legs Together is  an interesting variation on oral sex that your wife may enjoy more than you expect.

Media portrays sex with the women’s legs spread wide apart in order to get the best camera angle. But for many women, orgasm comes easier with the legs together. Stretching her legs out front and flexing her pelvis, she can generate tension that helps create orgasm.

To get into the position, the wife should lay on her back with her legs together. The husband can gently lay over her legs with his mouth even with her vulva. He can use his tongue to gently separate her outer lips as he attempts to reach sweeter spots. With less access, he will end up paying lots of attention to the shaft of her clitoris and folds of skin surrounding the clitoral head. With less territory to explore, he can focus more on using pressure and focused movements.  He can alternate up/down movement with side to side movement to create variety. He will also have ample access to feel her waist and breasts with his hands as he gently arouses her.

She will love the feel and strength of his body gently covering her. Limited stimulation from his mouth will tantalize and tease her causing her body to yearn for more direct contact.

As she becomes more aroused, she can facilitate more direct stimulation by flexing her pelvis up and out in an attempt to open up more. The husband or the wife can also use their hands to pull on her mound to widen the access. She will have plenty of resistance to push against as she creates energy and moves toward orgasm.

As she finishes, the husband can hold her and wrap her up in his arms.

Legs Together position for oral sex will feel completely different for the wife as she enjoys teasing, a less direct touch, and being firmly grounded by her husband.  It will also challenge a husband to tune into some of the subtleties of his wife’s body and see what he can discover. Give it a try.

Note: This position might provide the perfect excuse for her to try some personal grooming. 

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The Power of Stillness


Have you ever thought about the power of stillness?

To feel a pulse

To hear from God

To listen to our own bodies and desires

Sometimes I think that we have this idea that sex is all about movement – in and out, back and forth, frantic motion – trying to make something happen. So much motion that we get lost and dizzy and miss out on what is there all along.

When I think about stillness, I think about lying on top of my husband, face to face, hearing his breath, feeling the pulse where our bodies meet, and hearing the bu bum  – bu bum of his heart beating. In this stillness, we find each other and then we go somewhere together.

Don’t get me wrong – there are times for movement – lots of movement. But there are also times for stillness. In fact, movement means so much more when it is contrasted to stillness. Stillness sling shots us into places that we could not go otherwise by making us wait – we settle, we feel, we awaken, we yearn, we ache – all the while pulling the elastic of the sling shot further and further back until we cannot stand it anymore.

Stillness during sex might be —

Climbing on top of your husband, sitting completely still, focusing on feeling him inside of your body and waiting for pleasure spots to awaken. Hearts beat together, eyes lock, and the vagina begins to grasp, hold and press against him.

Taking your husband to the edge – and then holding him there. The mouth encompasses him in stillness as the tongue firmly presses into the sweetest of spots – his frenulum. He urges for more and thru stillness you are able to sense his rolling over the peak even before he does.

Fingers sensitively intertwined in your wife’s inner lips and clitoris. Lubrication acts as a conduit to meld two bodies together so that no pulse, no sensation is missed. Play that happens in other areas – the breasts, the lips –  thru stillness is felt with fingers as the clitoris becomes aroused.

A wet tongue firmly pressed against her sweetest spot, intently feeling her and urging her to awaken. Movement counterbalances stillness when she longs for more and then pauses once again.  As her body awakens and begins to move against a still tongue, you feel and wait patiently for your turn to show her what you have learned.

Stillness is a powerful way to experience each other and for most of us it does not come naturally. It is something that comes with maturity as we relax, stop trying so hard and just enjoy. When I think about some of the  most profound encounters with God, it has been when I have been still. Dare to try something different during sex and…

Just Be Still

Psalm 23:2-3    He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.

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Take Her to The Wall

Most women secretly crave a husband that leads confidently enough to take her –

and against the wall is probably one of the most passionate positions to do it.

In order for a couple to enjoy this position, there must be established trust and a husband that is so in tune with his wife that he actually knows when and how. Women have this romantic notion that being taken is going to be the hottest thing ever, but when it comes right down to it, we are control freaks and many of us are not very good at handling surprises. It is not fair to expect our husbands to do this without helping them out. If they have been sensitive to us at all, they may be erring on the side of being, kind, considerate, and using lots of foreplay – that does not really jive with”being taken.”

You might need to start with some discussions –  very specific discussions –  with your husband in advance. In fact, it might even take multiple conversations to convince him of what you want and to tune him into what might be the right scenario to go for it. Talk to him about where it might take place, what might lead up to it, how he would start,  how he would kiss you, what he would do to you, and how he would hold you. You might say something like,

“When we go out on a date, and I am really dressed up, and we’ve been looking at each other all night, I could tease you all night until you felt like you could not keep your hands off of me. At the restaurant, we could freshen up, right before we left for home and then as soon as we got home, you could …..”

Keep talking about it and giving him more ideas. Maybe even let him know what would be uncomfortable or make you too nervous to enjoy it.

When you feel like he understands and actually believes what you want, he might make it happen –  or –  you might need to set up the ideal precursors. Spend all day teasing him with your eyes and your body. Really flirt it up, and make sure that he knows tonight is the night. Build him up and make him feel like a man. Get his motor revving and get yours juices  flowing.  Think about the right outfit to wear – from your bra and panties to the buttons on your top, to the skirt that provides access, to the heels that put you at the right height.

Up against a wall provides a stable place for him to really press into you and hold you and kiss you like he means it. So much of this position is about attitude. His and yours. He cannot have a shred of doubt, hesitation or timidness, as he loves you without caution. He has to kiss you like he really means it and he has have to move with sureness. He has to stop thinking so much and feel.

In order for a wife to enjoy Take Her to The Wall, she must trust her husband fully. She must know that he will not hurt or embarrass her and that this is not about using her. Take Her to The Wall  is about enjoying each other with abandon.

Take Her to The Wall happens as soon as an opportunity presents itself – not after the dishes have been done, or the bedtime rituals are complete – live on the wild side. Shedding minimal clothes creates an erotic mood for passion. He can warm her up with his hands or his mouth, and don’t skimp on this – maker her wait. When he decides to finish, lots of eye contact, give her time to feel him inside of her, create tension with  slow intentional movement, and take advantage of the wall to create a sense of strength. Just the passion and eroticism  of an encounter might take you to places you have not gone before so be open to feeling new things. Let loose and enjoy each other. You only live once.

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Words Transport Women

Enjoying imaginationWords transport women. That is why women devour romance novels and erotica. Hearing words can take us to a different place in an instant and it can be arousing and erotic. I suspect if husbands understood how powerful words were, they would be a little more interested in learning how to use their words to transport their wife.

So rather than trying to convince men, I propose that they give it a try and see what happens.

Husbands, spend some time thinking about a time that you and your wife had sex and it was absolutely amazing. Think about what led to it, how you felt and how she felt. Think about how the interaction began, who initiated, signals that were given, eye contact or touches that took place. Think about how the interaction played out. Think about how your wife felt to you – her skin, her body. Think about what you saw, enjoyed or feasted on visually. Think about how you touched your wife, how she reacted and what it did to you. Picture the entire sequence of how things played out. Think about how you felt afterward – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

One night this week as you are lying in bed cuddling, whisper in her ear…

“I remember this amazing time we connected when ……” and then quietly describe the experience you have been thinking about this week in all its details from the beginning to the end.

Then you tell me, is there power in words?

Ruth Buezis



 a simple variation on spooning…

but sometimes small tweaks can make HUGE differences.

Spooning is a great position but lacks face to face intimacy. This subtle tweak changes the whole ball game.

To get into the position, start by having intercourse in the spooning position – husband and wife lying on their side, with him behind. When the wife is ready, she can take her upper leg and put it on the other side of her husband. Her body will rotate slightly towards her back as her knee gently bends to open her up so that her foot sits on the bed behind him.

Sporking provides a wonderful view for a husband to watch his wife’s face. He will have great access to manually stimulate her clitoris or her breasts.  The wife will feel her husband’s body behind her – holding and encompassing her – but have the freedom to move like she wants. She can use her foot on the bed to leverage the movement that she desires.

Sporking is a great way for a wife to enjoy the feel of being held but have the freedom to move, while a husband enjoys the view.

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Why Not?

why_notSometimes I think we make things more complicated than they are meant to be.  We set up conditions to be met, expectations to be reached, or scales to determine whether something is deserved.

If he doesn’t say something to make me mad today, then I will consider whether we should be intimate tonight. 

If she says she’s sorry like she means it, then I will forgive her. 

I probably owe him after what he did last time.  I mean, it’s been awhile since I _________.

It’s so blatantly contrary to the unconditional and limitless love that God offers us and desires us to extend to our spouses.  God wants us to love our spouses with abandon!  Instead of justifying why we should do something, maybe we need to ask ourselves “why not?” instead.

It’s a simple, but powerful, revision to the question. We all know that if a traveler changes their course by even a couple of degrees, they will end up in an entirely different destination.  Just as a slight adjustment can change the traveler’s trajectory, simple things done with loving intention can lead our marriage in a new direction as well.

Why not?

If my spouse loves seeing me wear a certain color, then why wouldn’t I wear it…often?

If my husband wakes up horny (most men do), then why wouldn’t I set my alarm a little earlier and make a memory for him to dwell on all day?

If I truly believe that the more deeply that I know and am known by my spouse that my capacity to know and be known by God expands too, then why would I hold back in my marriage?

If I know that God gave us the gift of sex to glue spouses together so we can be united and tackle life together, then why wouldn’t I make it a priority?

If I know that my spouse is blessed by a quick “thinking of you” text during the day, then why wouldn’t I make the time to send it?

If my spouse has had a hard day, then why wouldn’t I give them a freebie to remind them that they are deeply loved even in the middle of stress, chaos and doubt?

If I know my spouse’s love language, then why wouldn’t I love them that way…every day?

If I have an idea of what I’d like to do in the bedroom, then why wouldn’t I share that idea with my spouse and ask if they are game?

If I know that God desires me to be intoxicated with my spouse’s love (Song of Songs 5:1), then why wouldn’t I intentionally make blocks of time for us to drink that deeply of one another’s love?

If I know that my spouse can empty their mind and truly be present with me if the dishes are cleaned or the laundry is folded, then why wouldn’t I volunteer to clean the dishes or fold the laundry?

In this broken world, it is easy to get caught up in even the little things being too much effort, or that our spouse hasn’t “earned” this special treatment, or that we just don’t have the time or energy to go the extra inch…I’m not even talking extra miles.  Our own selfishness, mine included, makes us resistant to loving our spouse the way that God loves us – unconditionally, relentlessly, all the time.

The trajectory of our marriages can be powerfully impacted when we make small adjustments with intention.  What are simple things that you can do to show your spouse unlimited love? If something comes to mind, then I challenge you…why not do it?



Meet Me

There are seasons when we are just plain tired.  Our body hits a wall, but our heart still yearns to connect with our spouse.  It happens to the best of us.  When our tank is nearing empty, it can be easy to move growing deeper with our spouse to the backburner.  However, if we do that, then we are no longer able to fully recharge the way that God intends and our refreshment deficit is in danger of increasing even more! Instead, we need to get creative and invite our spouse to meet us where we are.

Here’s one way this could play out when there is a beyond exhausted wife in the equation: Go take a shower (be honest, it needs to happen and you will feel better afterward) and then ask your husband to massage lotion or coconut oil all over your body.  Explain that you are physically wiped out but that your desire to connect with him remains strong.  Don’t forget to add that he has full access to touch your whole body.  Giving him freedom to visually take in your body and feel every inch of you will turn him on while it refreshes you with lots of skin to skin contact.

All you need to do is plop yourself on your stomach on your bed, empty your mind and relax.  Mentally connect with his touch – melt into it – and receive his gift of refreshment.  As he straddles your back, let him trace your curves, enjoy your jiggles (yes, we all jiggle, embrace his trill) and when he gently pulls any part of you toward him, see if you can brush up against him.  He’ll likely be well on his way to an erection. 

Your husband will see how relaxing his touch can be – which is empowering to him and entices him to touch you more, which leads to more relaxation.  It’s a win-win! Once he’s done with the backside, flip over, and encourage him to cover all of your front side, especially ensuring your breasts are good and moisturized. 

When he is finished massaging in the lotion or oil, you can thank him and be done, resting contently in your receiving from him.  Or…often times, as our husband’s touch relaxes us, we grow more open to the thought of new pleasures.  If you have gotten even a small second wind, then you could suggest that you keep going.  Think about it, your massage was ample foreplay for you both – you are relaxed and he is likely erect.  Don’t be offended here guys, but the cost benefit analysis is pretty easy.  We are probably only talking about adding on a few more minutes of connecting time – whether you end with a quickie or you manually stimulate him.  Don’t forget, his erection was created by seeing your amazing body!   

This is not tit for tat.  You are not “paying him back.”  Instead, you are choosing to allocate some of the refreshment that he poured into you to continue connecting and loving him.  It is out of an overflow of gratitude for his willingness to see your need for rest and meet it.  Sure, your husband expended more effort this time, but there is a balance of giving and receiving in our marriage.  We don’t need to keep score.  Instead, we need to find ways to meet our spouse where they are so that we make connecting a priority…even in the midst of being dog-tired.  Let’s creatively pursue knowing our spouse deeply, as our heart desires, even when our bodies are exhausted.  Let’s invite them to meet us where we are.