The in and out thrusting of intercourse used to do nothing for more me, besides sometimes make me sore. I felt confused, broken and somehow duped. But as I started to understand more about my body and how it worked, I felt encouraged. Instead of relegating intercourse for my husband’s pleasure, we could transform intercourse to make it more enjoyable for both of us. Understanding the 3 main pathways to orgasm – clitoral, G-Spot and Deep-Spot – was an important step in cuing into my own pleasure during intercourse.
Understanding your pathways will help you recognize positions, body alignment or movement to provide more pleasure during intercourse. When you recognize how the different orgasms feel as they approach you can lean into your pleasure and chase after it. So if you feel discouraged at just trying harder at the same thing, get ready to open up your idea of what intercourse looks like. Understand your pathways to orgasm and discover something for you.
(What I write is based on my own experiences, the experiences of women that have shared during class, and lots of reading.Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles/
Clitoral Orgasms
The clitoris provides the main pathway to pleasure for most women. Clitoral orgasms result from stimulation of the clitoris, either directly or indirectly. For many years, scientists thought the clitoris was just the pearl sized bulb at the meeting of the inner lips. But recent research discovered a structure of legs extending under the outer lips toward the pelvic bones, and with glans on each side of the vagina that engorge with blood during arousal.
For many women, clitoral orgasms feel like the strongest physically. Clearly defined, they are the orgasms that women say, “if you don’t know, then you haven’t had one.” Women sometime wonder why the orgasms they experience during manual or oral stimulation feel stronger than the orgasms they experience during intercourse. Without the movement of intercourse, we can focus clearly on our own pleasure without distraction.
Orgasms from clitoral stimulation are transmitted through the Pudenal nerve system. A clitoral orgasm feels like a pinpointed pleasure causing a collapsing of the body and resulting in a radiating out of pleasure. Commonly you can feel pulsing of the Kegel muscles, vagina or sometimes even the uterus.
Tuning In
If you have never experienced an orgasm from either just manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris, I encourage you to try it. During intercourse so much is happening that you may have a hard time zoning in to what your body experiences. Focus on what it feels like as you approach clitoral orgasm. What impact does your mind have? How does the orgasm feel? Can you understand why the intercourse portrayed in the movies does little to stimulate the clitoris? What positions, movements and pace during intercourse might create the type of stimulation that you need for clitoral orgasm?
G-Spot Orgasms
G-Spot orgasms, named after Grafenberg, are achieved through firm stimulation of the front wall of the vagina (towards the tummy), 1 -2 inches in from the opening of the vagina. The area can feel like the roof of your mouth when touched. As you get more aroused, a quarter sized soft area can bulge into the vagina. The G-spot is not on the surface of the vagina, but a collection of tissue between the urethra and vagina.
When highly aroused, the G-spot responds to firm stimulation in a “come hither” motion. You can use the pad of a finger, penis or vibrator. Women describe G-spot orgasms as more of a full body experience and not clearly defined or located. Scientists now believe G-spot orgasms are transmitted through a different nerve system – the pelvic and hypogastric nerves. No wonder women have been saying for years that their vaginal orgasms feel different than their clitoral orgasms.
Is G-Spot for You?
Some people debate the existence of the G-spot, and no one can actually prove it. The G-spot is not an organ that you can hold up and say, “here it is”. But if you listen to women describe their experiences, they sound remarkably similar. Women describe the G-spot orgasm as a pushing out, or bearing down of pleasure. They may even push so hard that they literally push out whatever is in their vagina.
Do all women enjoy G-spot stimulation? Maybe – maybe not…Imagine that you had an area inside of you that had never been touched or stimulated like it wanted. The first time it was touched you thought, “That was weird, I don’t know if I like that.” The next time you thought, “I don’t know, I guess it wasn’t bad.” The next time, “That feels kind of warm” and each time maybe things gets a little more enjoyable as you learn to recognize and anticipate pleasure. Eventually you may even recognize an ache coming from the G-spot as you become aroused during foreplay.
All I am saying is that if you have not experienced any pleasure from G-spot stimulation, don’t completely close that door and decide that you don’t have one. Our bodies change with age and can awaken to new experiences. Once in a while revisit the G-spot and pay attention to new sensations.
The easiest way to stimulate the G-spot is with a finger or two, but you must first be highly aroused. Try getting warmed up with stimulation of the clitoris and then transition to manual stimulation of the G-spot, or go back and forth between the two.
Some women feel the need to urinate as their G-spot becomes aroused. Just make sure to empty your bladder before sex, and then try to relax. Trust your body, trust your husband, push through and you might discover something new. Female Ejaculation sometimes accompanies G-spot stimulation.
Tuning In
Pay attention to what your body feels like as your G-spot becomes aroused. What is your mind doing? What does a G-spot orgasm feel like? Imagine what types of positions and movements during intercourse might create G-spot stimulation? What pace does it like to be stimulated? How can you make tap into this pathway during intercourse?
The Deep Spot
The Deep spot, otherwise known as the A-spot is located deep in the vagina, near the cervix. Less known then the G-Spot, the Deep spot orgasm produces the similar full body response and pushing out of pleasure. Not surprising, the deep spot travels through the same nerve system as the G-spot – the pelvic and hypogastric.
One of the trickiest things about the Deep spot is how close it is to the cervix. Most of us have experienced the bruising pain of banging into the cervix during intercourse. But when our bodies are highly aroused, our vagina balloons out, the uterus tips up rotating the cervix back and we gain better access to the Deep spot. Most women enjoy the tummy side of the cervix, while others love the area behind the cervix.
Some people consider the Deep spot their most reliable way to orgasm during intercourse. In class, a few women acknowledge the deep spot as an orgasm trigger. When couples figure it out, the Deep Spot can create an immediate response when accessed at the right time.
There are websites that claim all women have the deep spot and it is a guaranteed trigger to experience an orgasm. They suggest stimulating the deep spot with the same firm “come hither” motion on the front wall of the vagina but with your middle finger in as far as it can reach. Don’t add more pressure to yourself, but feel the freedom to explore the pathways to pleasure God gave you.
Tuning In
Similar to the G-spot, the Deep spot may be another possibility, another flavor to explore. When you are highly aroused, have your husband travel to the deep spot with the pad of his finger. During intercourse pay attention to sensations during deep penetration. What kind of movements feel good? What is your mind doing? How does it feel? How and when can you access the Deep spot.
3 Pathways to Pleasure
Understanding these 3 pathways – Clitoral, G-spot and Deep spot – can help you tweak sex so that you can experience more pleasure during intercourse. Instead of trying the same thing, what adjustments can you make to try to access the pathway of your pleasure. How can you align your bodies? What pace or motion works best? What can you discover and show your husband?
Part of my journey of enjoying sex has been educating myself about my own body and discovering my pathways to pleasure. It is easy to think that our husbands ought to just magically find all of our sweet spots, but I am not sure that is true. I had to spend time exploring new areas and waking my body up. In order to focus on new sensations, without pressure but with thankfulness, I needed to test the waters. Not all orgasms feel the same and I believe we have more to learn. Don’t limit what you experience because you cannot even dream that it can happen. Discover your pathways to orgasm and think about how to make these part of intercourse.
For more ideas about intercourse, listen to my podcast on Get Your Marriage ON!
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