My Husband Wants to Finish Where?

Where a husband wants to finish during oral or manual sex can stir up a land mine of emotions for wives. Some women love the passion of experiencing their husband in new ways.  Others hold fear, disgust, discomfort or reservation about opening up options. Navigating the topic of where your husband finishes requires care, sensitivity, open communication, honesty, and trust. Whether or not your husband has broached the topic, I have a few ideas that might provide clarity.


Porn has done much to confuse us about the motivation of our husbands. Because we know that porn depicts men degrading women, we can suspect our husband wanting to do the same. Porn can make oral sex seem like an act of self-gratification instead of intimate love making. If our husband has seen porn, we wonder about his motivation. Does he long to connect and share himself or is he trying to recreate a scene from porn.

Even our spouse repeatedly sharing unrealistic expectations of what sex should look like can feel unloving and selfish. God never intended that we pressure each other into certain acts. Sex should be an expression of our love for each other and of sharing ourselves – not a guilt trip. Growth takes time and adding pressure does not help.

Motivation matters. God intended that we get to know each other though sex, not imitate what we have seen. But if we exclude everything we see in porn, we would have nothing left.

Understanding Motivation

Honest conversation can help shed light on motivation. Answers like, “If you loved me you would…”, carry manipulation. But what if your husband told you, “I feel so loved when you…”, or “I love to watch because it helps me stay connected to you”, or “knowing that you love all of my body, not only makes me feel loved, but gives me courage to be more vulnerable.”   Take time to ask for a deeper understanding and don’t just make assumptions about your husband’s motivation.

Ultimately, I believe that sex is about loving and respecting each other.  If something feels disrespectful or degrading, then don’t do it. Forcing yourself to do something you detest will only lead to more disconnection, bitterness, and ultimately teach you to hate sex.

But if your husband has pure motivations about where he wants to finish, then pray and consider the validity and vulnerability of sharing his desire with you. Share with him  your desire to grow, ask for patience in the journey and commit to small steps of growth.

Our Baggage

Though our husbands feel quite comfortable with every part of their bodies – including their semen – most wives are not. Many of us still view our own vulva and natural juices with disgust. So why wouldn’t we view our husband’s body through the same lens.

But God created your husband’s body. He created his penis, the wrinkled sack that holds his testicles, and even the semen that courses through his body. While we might think it strange when they strut their stuff, maybe husbands aren’t the ones that need to grow – we are.

How much shame do we still hold around the topic of sex when we grimace in disgust at the view of our own sexual part? If we want to experience God’s freedom during sex, maybe we need to first appreciate the amazing bodies that God gave us, and then learn to embrace our husband’s.

Take steps to embrace your own body, by looking at your vulva, or even tasting yourself.


Sometimes resistance to certain acts simply comes from unfamiliarity. If you want to grow in comfort, then move at your own pace. You want to create positive experiences that will build to create more positive experiences. Take baby steps toward your goal and don’t move forward until you can relax and really enjoy what your are doing.

Much like learning to love a new food requires repeated exposures by seeing, smelling, feeling, and tasting, learning to love oral sex may require the same. Forcing a child to eat can repel them to the point of gagging. But consistent playful, low pressure exposures to many different foods can lead to not only a large repertoire of foods, but to confidence in trying new things.

So for example,  he wants to finish in your mouth, some baby steps might be…

  • Learn to enjoy just looking at and touching his penis
  • Spend time just licking  and exploring his penis with your mouth
  • Learn to enjoy giving him oral sex without him finishing. I mean really enjoy it – not just do it. There are lots of things to learn about him, but also be aware of how you feel. Are you getting tense, is your jaw tired, do you feel resentful? Are you worried about whether he is enjoying it? Do you have the freedom to show him new experiences? Does it get you excited?
  • Get comfortable with his semen. Finish him with your hand. Feel the warmth. Does it gross you out or repel you? Notice the warmth, the texture, how it smells. Gently clean him up with a tissue or towel afterwards.
  • Taste his semen after he finishes on your hand. Just a small lick without having to swallow. How is it? Try this as many times as you want.
  • Some women then move to letting him finish in their mouth without swallowing. Others learn that placement of his penis towards the back of the mouth can ease swallowing. Some just easily transition to loving swallowing.

But keep this in mind… If you want to learn something new, then you need to practice on a regular basis – not once a month as a special gift. When you want it for yourself, then you will commit the time. What a thrill when you get to the place where you love it as much as he does and his excitement builds your excitement.


In order to build trust in how your husband will finish, you most likely will need to have conversations outside of the bedroom. Although it might not feel very romantic, knowing that your husband will respect your wishes builds trust. You need to know that he can control himself for your sake and that he cares more about you than a certain act.

A respectful husband will follow your lead and wait for your invitation. But be prepared, how you feel about something might change in the heat of the moment. Passion tends to invite unfiltered expressions that fuel more excitement. If you want your respectful husband to enter into that domain, you will need to invite him in.


Planning doesn’t build a lot of passion, and neither does your husband constantly having to follow your lead. Once you’re comfortable with different acts and established trust, you may decide to set your husband loose. To tell him, “I trust you implicitly during sex and I know without a doubt that you would never try to degrade me, or hurt me. I want you to have the freedom to do what you want. Your excitement fuels my excitement.”

After constantly monitoring your comfort level, it might take time for your husband to believe that you want to set him free during sex, and he might not even remember how. If he spent years denying himself in consideration of you, learning how to listen to his body will take practice. Be patient and encouraging as both of you continue on a journey of the deepest kind of knowing.

Final Thought

Handing over the reins to let your husband finish where he wants is a journey of growth. It requires deep trust, confidence and vulnerability. But handing over the reins is a necessary step in creating the passionate marriage you want.

After all, watching our spouse get overcome by desire is one of the most intimate things they share. When watching our spouse let go, builds our own excitement, then we understand the verse 1 Cor 7:4, The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Denying themselves is yielding to their wife, but so is letting go, when it undoes us.

Becoming a Sexually Confident Spouse

What does it take to create an amazing sex life?

It takes two sexually confident people, showing up and sharing themselves. Though you can’t change your spouse, you can work on yourself. We all have plenty  to work on, so here are 8 Characteristics  of a Sexually Confident Spouse.


5 Ideas to Add Variety to Oral Sex for Your Husband

Women tend to think about stimulation for their husband in terms of in and out movement. A hand or mouth that encompasses the shaft, sliding up and down from the base of the penis, across the ridge to the head, and then back again. It is the typical motion that most men use to create pleasure themselves. Though highly pleasurable and efficient, I want to share some ideas to mix things up a bit, extend pleasure, and add variety to oral sex for your husband.


6 Ways for Women to Stay Simmering Sexually

Unlike men, most women must intentionally remind themselves that God created them as sexual beings. Besides those bi-monthly hormone spikes that might wake us up, everything else seems to crowd out sexual thoughts. Even the way that God created our bodies, carefully tucked away, fails to provide a gentle reminder that good things can happen when we connect with her husband sexually. To remember that we are sexual beings, we must intentionally learn to keep our bodies awake. Here are 6 practices that help me remember God created me a sexual being and help me stay simmering sexually.


Tips to Help Wives Enjoy Receiving Oral Sex

Many wives struggle in receiving oral sex. Some think oral sex is completely wrong and don’t want their husband to try. Others don’t have a moral objection, but just can’t seem to relax. If you aren’t sure,  find out what the Bible says. Pay attention to the context of passages about sexual immorality and you will find little written about limitations within marriage. Read Song of Song and get a taste for the freedom they experience. For women with an open mind, I have some tips to help wives enjoy receiving oral sex.


Learning to Like Giving Your Husband Oral Sex

Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.

But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.


learning to like oral sex

Kegel Exercises – Here I Come

I have decided it is time to get serious about doing Kegel exercises. After reading about a study that showed a direct correlation between Kegel strength and orgasm during intercourse for women, I am ready to stop messing around and start focusing. Especially as I age, I want to do all that I can to experience the pleasure God has for me.


How to Give Your Husband a Frenulum Orgasm

Ladies, to help you appreciate the attention your husband lavishes on your clitoris, try treating him to a frenulum orgasm. It is an orgasm that results from only stimulating the small area where the underside of his shaft meets the head of his penis. A frenulum orgasm will take patience, assurances from you and sensitivity to read his body. Rather than firm gripping him to the finish line you will need to use finesse and creativity to gradually coax him to pleasure. Not only will a frenulum orgasm blow his mind, but you will gain a new appreciation for the energy your husband invests in you during clitoral orgasms.


Pelvic Massage Opens Up a Whole New World to Him

I love coconut oil. Using it has helped me with the challenges that come along with menopause and does wonders for my dry skin in the Winter season. But even more importantly, I love using coconut oil on my husband. Gliding around to do a pelvic massage has helped me to really loosen him up so that he can experience a whole new world.

Sex driven solely by our husband’s penis just touches the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his pleasure. We need to engage his entire body through connected touch. He has the potential to experience so much more pleasure than the explosive desperate release that his penis drives for. But we have to teach him to relax his body including his pelvic area and to linger and enjoy the entire journey.


How to Give Your Husband a Great Hand Job

Every once in a while, a hand job can blow your husband’s mind. But a great hand job requires more than just good technique. It requires a certain attitude that says, “I’ve got you. I find your penis amazing and you turn me on!” When you have the right attitude and you understand some important basics, then the world is in your hands.

I’ve Got You

When you have the confidence to take charge, your husband can relax. You need to make it very clear to him, that it’s your turn to have some fun. Determine how he sits or lays so that he can enjoy the view. Place his hands above his head or at his sides to clearly communicate you’re in charge.

Wear something that teases and tantalizes him like a black lace bra. Entice him while just out of reach. Cover your hands with coconut oil and stroke his chest while moving toward his pelvis. Lube up his entire pelvic area and smoothly stoke his thighs and around the base of his penis to get the blood flowing. Make sure that he understands he gets to relax and enjoy the view.