The Good News

aging coupleOne of my favorite authors on sex, David Schnarch, says what determines our response during sex is  a composite of three things – physical sensations, emotional connection, and our feelings about sex. Once you understand what this means, you will realize that as we age, we have many choices in determining whether sex gets better every year, or it completely falls off the map.

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FOLLOW UP

My surgery was super easy. Now I am just trying to stay patient as I allow the incisions in my vagina to heal and the stitches to dissolve.

It actually surprised me how little I feel the incision. Besides some general aching and itching, I don’t feel the incision at all. You hear how little feeling the vagina has, but I am not sure I really believed it. I guess it is a good thing considering the trauma the vagina experiences during childbirth.

As far as the restriction of “no sex for 4 weeks”….

My doctor was happy to clarify that what he really meant was “nothing in the vagina for 4 weeks”. Big difference in my book.

I am learning that it pays to ask. Doctors are often no better at talking about sex than we are. It is nice to know what your options are if you feel up to it. I think back to periods of medically restricted sex do to childbirth or other issues, and I wish I had been more proactive in asking for clarification. It is easy for periods of no sex, to lead to feeling disconnected. I think sometimes my husband subconsciously with draws in order to take the pressure off of me, and I end up just feeling lonely.

I just finished an awesome book called Kosher Lust by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. One of the things he shares is how in the conservative Jewish faith they practice a period of abstinence each month that contributes to sustain the lust or passion in marriage. During this period of abstinence, the men focus on loving their wife with their words instead. When husband and wife are finally able to come together, there is already great expectation and the wife feels fully loved.

So during this period of waiting for my body to heal, my husband and I are trying to stay connected in other ways. We are stretching ourselves to use our words to arouse and love each other. We are intentionally leaning into each other rather than with drawing. We are enjoying the building of anticipation and the awakening of our body to sensuous feeling. We are intentionally looking at each other eye to eye as we love each other in new ways. And when we finally can, it is going to be great.

 

 

Another Adjustment

seam

Tomorrow I am having a simple surgical procedure to remove scar tissue from my vagina. The scar formed years ago in an area that was stitched up during childbirth. The scar didn’t really bother me until the last few years when menopause caused the thinning of tissue in my vagina. The ridge of scar tissue gradually become more raised and irritated the entire right side of my vulva. At times I experienced a dull ache and other times it was a sharp pain like an exposed nerve. My doctor explained that because the tissue and nerves are so intertwined in that area of our body, a small area of irritation can make the nerves and tissue of the whole area fire up.

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The change – Hysterectomy

My doctor could tell I was anemic before she even tested me. Unaware of the result of a gradual worsening of my periods, feeling tired and slow became my norm. I will never forget the day that I ended up in the hospital because of a flow that literally poured out of me. Of course by the time I was seen, the flow had slowed to manageable. This was the start of my initiation into peri-menopause, that cursed period of life when you have no control over your own body.

 

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New Series – Age Adjustments

Mature-Couple-With-DenturesI am starting a new series on Wednesdays called Age Adjustment to address some of the adjustments that we make as we age, both men and women. You might naturally assume that I will be writing about all the challenges that we go through as we age. But really it is not all bad, there is a lot of good stuff too.

To be perfectly honest, I just turned 50 and am an empty-nester for the first time, so I feel like I am just entering this phase of my life. Hopefully we can get some dialogue going between some of you experts.

Some of the topics I hope to address are…

The Change –

Foreplay for Him –

Dry as a bone

Kid free zone

Flatline

How much does it cost?

Sex everyday

 

I’m sure that there are a lot more topics, so let me know what you want to hear about?