Prostate Massage – Uncharted Territory

Prostate massage will stretch a husband as he learns to trust and enjoy his wife’s touch in an area that he closely guards. Though not an area that many couples are willing to go, it holds treasures for those open, mature enough and ready to discover something new.

Though I sometimes wonder whether I should address prostate massage, I choose to err on the side of empowering you to make your own decisions for your marriage.  Even though I teach about prostate massage in Awaken Love classes, it is time to take the next step and write about it. If you feel squeamish or uncomfortable learning about prostate massage, please feel free to skip this article.

I’d like to give you my simplified take on prostate massage, starting with the history, why couples enjoy it and how to do it if you are interested.


Most men that live long enough will eventually have issues with their prostate. A gland that constantly produces components of a man’s semen, as men age, circulation decreases. The gland commonly becomes irritated and inflamed – a condition called prostatitis. Because a man’s urethra passes through the prostate, irritation and inflammation of the prostate makes urination problematic and painful.

Before antibiotics were available to treat prostatitis, doctors treated men by milking the prostate. The doctor would insert a lubricated, gloved finger into a man’s anus and feel the prostate bulging into the front wall of the rectum. He would then manually massage the prostate by pulling the pad of his finger across the bulge until he ejaculated. The massage both increased blood circulation to promote healing, and cleaned out the prostate.  Though men hated the procedure, it brought relief to many.

Eventually a doctor asked a company to develop a device that men could use at home to massage their own prostate. The device looked like a smooth plastic tee.  Slid into the rectum, contracting the Kegel muscles caused one leg of the tee to gently massage the area until ejaculation. Men soon realized that prostate massage performed in a relaxed and private environment felt highly pleasurable. That first medical device eventually became Aneros, a device now marketed as a sex toy for men.

People still debate the health benefits of prostate massage. Here is an article that supports it and one that cautions. 

Why Prostate Massage

Clearly increased circulation and regular orgasms are important for men’s general health. So why can’t men get the same benefit by having intercourse with their wife as through prostate massage?

Sex doesn’t directly help increase blood flow to the prostate, but massage does. It also produces a gentler orgasm that does not irritate an already inflamed prostate. Men describe the prostate orgasm as more of a full-bodied response. An equivalent to a woman’s G-Spot orgasm. You don’t know exactly where it’s coming from, but the gentle release feels amazing.

Some men swear that massage of the prostate has done wonders to relieve issues with their prostate. And some wives are happy to help their husband stay healthy and feeling good. But always check with your doctor before exploring prostate massage. In certain conditions it might spread infection or cause more damage.

Some couples enjoy prostate massage simply as an intimate activity that they enjoy together. It takes great trust between husband and wife. In many ways, prostate massage might help a husband understand just how vulnerable a wife feels during intercourse. He must fully relax in order to enjoy prostate massage.

One of the great outcomes of  massaging the prostate is that it requires a husband to learn to really relax during sex. To release every bit of tension in his pelvic area and to leave it relaxed. Rather than tensing and driving to the finish line, he allows the pleasure to just wash over him. It is a different experience that not only impacts prostate massage but can translate into other love making activities.


If you want to explore prostate massage, then you need to talk about it in advance. Neither one of you should feel forced, coerced or even guilted into participating in something that makes you feel uncomfortable. You must both agree that you want to explore this uncharted area.

Plenty of good lubrication (coconut oil works) is a must for exploration.  Use smooth, clean hands with no hang nails or wear a latex glove with lubrication. Treat his sensitive rectal tissue with care. Nothing should be sharp or forced. Think smooth and connected.

He should shower and groom to prepare. Unless he needs to go to the bathroom, the rectum should be empty.

During several sessions of extended lovemaking gradually work towards getting more and more comfortable with his testicles, his perineum and even his anus. Pay attention to how relaxed his body feels. He should feel like putty in your hands without any hesitation or fear. Notice if his anus opens up to your touch as he relaxes.

Prostate Massage

Eventually, when your husband feels ready one night, he should give you a signal,  verbal or whatever works. Make sure to use lots of lubrication and gently massage the anal area until he opens up. Leading with the pad of your index finger gently insert your finger into his anus as far as you can reach. Remain still for a moment and see if you can feel a walnut sized bulge in the front wall of his rectum. Without curling your finger, gently pull the pad of your finger past the prostate and then gently slide back. The motion is similar to the come hither motion of G-Spot stimulation.

You can just massage his prostate or you combine it with stimulation of the penis using your mouth or other hand. As he orgasms you will feel strong contractions of the anal sphincter around your finger. Wait until the contractions completely subside. To remove your finger, ask him to exhale  to help relax the sphincter. Gently slide your finger out and immediately wash up before you go and cuddle with him.

You can also massage the prostate from the outside by firmly massaging his perineum with the pad of your finger.

One additional caution – never put anything into the anus that does not have some kind of stop on it, or a way to keep it from going all the way in. During orgasm, the anal sphincter contracts and will pull things into the rectum. People end up in ER all the time to have things surgically removed from their rectum.

During prostate massage you will learn new things about your husband and his body. You must tune into his body to know when he is ready. He must trust that you will stop if he wants, and that you will treat him with the utmost care. Prostate massage requires sensitivity, trust and vulnerability.

Comments 9

  1. Thank you for the informative article. Appreciate.
    Co-author “Radical Sex God’s Foundation for a Healthy Marriage”
    Gloria Vallieres

  2. What is the best position for the husband to be in while receiving prostate massage?
    How can the Aneros be integrated into a couples lovemaking?

    • mm

      A comfortable position of lying on his back, feet on the ground, knees bent, and legs gently spread.
      As far as the Aneros, you and your spouse will need to navigate that together and see what works for you.

  3. Excellent article. Indeed, as a senior in my seventh decade prostate massage works wonders for me and enhances my orgasmic experience. My wife provides skilled external massage via my perineum. However, we’ve found that even greater pleasure for me happens when she massages my prostate by applying deep massage pressure with the heel of her hands just above my pelvic bone. Pressure from the front creates intense pleasure for me as my bladder presses against the anterior of my prostate. An additional benefit for her is to enjoy watching me ejaculate.

  4. Thank you for you advice Ruth. My wife and I tried prostate massage out and it was incredible. It took a while but then all the muscles in my body contracted and then I would feel really relaxed. I guess you could call it a ‘body’ orgasm. That happened a few times. Then it build up and I had an ejaculation but the funny thing was I was not really erect. It was a prostate ejaculation. After that I felt like a wet blanket. Totally relaxed. It is funny, we have been married over 35 years and I did not know this was even possible. Pretty crazy stuff, but fun. Thanks again for fearlessly putting this out there.

  5. A lot of online articles confusingly suggest massaging the penis, but as a young male in my second decade, I’ve discovered (using a vibrating prostate massager) that prostate orgasms are completely different from penile ones, and stimulating the penis removes focus from the prostate causing an intense but similar penile ejaculatory orgasm. Focusing entirely on the prostate and omitting the penis completely, you have to be deeply relaxed, focus on the pleasure instead of the goal and truly let go. The orgasm doesn’t really have a starting point, it’s more defined on the basis of pleasure becoming so intense that it flows through your body and becomes almost unbearable, and ejaculation shouldn’t occur. The best feature is you can keep going and have another and another, till you’re exhausted from the intensity, then (if desired) you can finish off with a penile release. I urge men (and their partners) to devote at least 1 hour to this method, the results are incredible but you really do have to learn to “let go” (similar I believe to how women have to learn when in newer relationships).

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