Though I love to speak about sex now, that has not always been the case. In fact the first two years I taught classes, I felt so nervous that my lip quivered. Friends used to compare me to Moses because I looked so miserable. They figured I must have felt called by God. But God transforms lives even from ordinary circumstances. I vividly remember the specific prayer that led to my healing.
My church had asked if I would facilitate a women’s bible study on marriage. The first lesson focused on how our past impacted our present. I had always realized that my fear of speaking was deep rooted from a childhood incident.
I vividly remember my first-grade teacher calling role. Afterwards she asked, “Did I miss anybody?”
I timidly raised my hand.
“Yes, what is your name? “she said.
With as much confidence as I could master, I said, “Uth Inka.”
“What?”, she said.
“Uth Inka”, I repeated.
“Uth Inka”, I slowly stated, fighting back tears.
My name was Ruth Lenker and I had entered elementary school completely clueless to the fact I couldn’t say my L’s or R’s.
Even though I recognized the impact of my past experience, I had never specifically prayed for healing from it.
That morning before I taught, I went and say by myself in the sanctuary to pray. And rather than just praying like I normally did for God to help me relax and calm my nerves, I asked God to heal me. I asked God to heal me from that specific past experience that held so much power over who I believed I was and what I could do.
In an instant, I knew that God had healed me. Even though I still felt the normal nervousness that comes with public speaking it was profoundly different. My lip didn’t quiver, my mouth was not parched, I felt calm, under control and even enjoyed myself.
Afraid to tell anyone lest I prove myself wrong, praying for healing of that specific experience has forever changed my life.
I sometimes wonder if God does not answer prayer because we do not pray specific enough. We might pray for healing but it feels too vulnerable to share what we need healing from. Or maybe it feels too painful to figure out what we need healing from.
I have had women in class that are on a journey of healing. Sometimes I sense they don’t really need any more clarity. They just need the courage to ask for what they specifically want…
God, give me freedom to share my body
Help me to trust my husband again
God, give me freedom
God, heal me from the memory of ….
I am not suggesting that if we just pray the right way, God will do what we ask. But there is something in naming it, claiming it, and believing that God is able. Even as God walks us through the process of praying specifically, some level of healing comes.
So take the time to wrestle with your past. Find a friend or a counselor to help you through the process. Host an Awaken Love class and tackle some of your sexual baggage with friends. Know that God is with you and though He loves you just as you are, He loves you enough to want more for you. Your past might shape you, but it does not have to control you.