Husbands want their wife to enjoy sex as much as they do. But if a wife has never experienced orgasm, she may not even know what she is missing. If she has never tasted the most delicious chocolate cake in the world, she may not think it’s that big a deal. Or may just start to believe it’s not possible. When things don’t naturally fall into place, a husband can feel confused, discouraged and lost. With silence surrounding the topic of sex, couples just stay stuck. Instead of looking for answers, they settle. But husbands can play a key role in helping a wife figure out how to orgasm.
When Stacy got married, she just figured things would fall into place. Five years into their marriage, even though she enjoyed sex, she wasn’t sure she had ever experienced orgasm. Her husband was the one that finally went looking for answers. After reading a good Christian book on sex, he had a new understanding of women’s sexuality and how their body responds. During love making, he began spending more and more time focusing on clitoral stimulation using his hands or his mouth before he even thought about intercourse. When Stacy finally experienced her first orgasm, they were both thankful that he went looking for answers.
Make no mistake, a husband cannot make his wife orgasm. She has to be open to sexual feelings, willing to learn something new and able to let go of control. But a husband can commit to do all that he can to help his wife experience pleasure during love making.
The easiest way for most women to orgasm is through stimulation of the clitoris using hands or mouth. Since her skin is ultra sensitive, soft hands and lots of lubrication are essential. Work outer to inner, less focused to more focused. As arousal builds, stimulation builds. If she gets stuck then circle around. and then try again. Use lots of connected sensual movement. Don’t zone out but stay connected to her. Try to sense whether she is enjoying what you’re doing by listening to her breathing and paying attention to her body language. Ask questions that she can answer with one word.
Educate yourself by reading articles about clitoral orgasm, oral sex, feeling vs rubbing, or books like Sheet Music or She Comes First. Intimacy in Marriage has a whole page devoted to Orgasm. Understand the different parts of your wife’s body. Learn how to tease her, touch her in different ways and even use other triggers like breasts or words.
Communicate your desire and commitment to make sex enjoyable for her. The minute she feels like it is too much work for you, she will give up. The second she feels your frustration, she will shut done. Women require an average of 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Spend at least that much time, every time you make love stimulating her clitoris. If she seems to enjoy things, then keep going.
Remove the Pressure
Any time you add pressure to sex, the chance of orgasm decreases. Try to keep the tone of love making relaxed or playful. Don’t ask if she had an orgasm, she will let you know. Tell her how much you enjoy stimulating and exploring her body regardless of whether she has an orgasm. You can even give her permission to know and explore her own body. Communicate how well you know your own body and that it is perfectly natural for her to understand how her own body works. Offer to take the kids on an errand in order to create some solitary time for exploration.
I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I have experienced real break through in my sex life when we prayed about sex. When I finally got to the point when I was tired of trying to make something happen and gave it to God things seemed to fall into place. Surrender and letting go of control will do wonders for your sex life. Ask God to simply help you experience something new and to connect during sex. Thank Him for every new sensation and discovery. Praise Him for how He created your body and how the two of your bodies fit together .
Your assurance that you care about your wife’s orgasm will speak volumes to her. But your actions will even speak louder than words. Get educated about how her body works. Devote at least 20 minutes every time you make love to exploring and stimulating her clitoris. Take the pressure off by making sex fun, and playful and pray with your wife about sex. Communicate your commitment and don’t give up on her . If you want your wife to look forward to sex, then do your best to help her enjoy sex.